What It Takes To Fall

There's Going To be A Party Tonight

2009-11-02T07:26:00.002+08:00

Exams are this week...
HOLY MOTHER OF SHIZZ.....

I have not studied. Seriously. Sometimes I wonder what I'm doing here. I feel like the only reason I got here was by chance. I'm not smart (far, FAR from it). I've got no special talents (unless you count rambling in my blog like the neurotic teenager that I am).
*sighs*

I miss everyone. I can't wait to go home. 2 more weeks. 2 more freaking weeks of pure unrelentless torture. One more year of this and I'm out of here. I can't freaking wait. Facebook is working really slowly here and its driving me insane. Seriously.
There's no teacher in class and I'm glad about that. We don't have to do our modules. (:

Guess what?
Next year, there won't be anymore of this Science Computer classes and I'm freaking thrilled. I mean all we do anyway, is pretend to do our modules while we're secretly checking our Facebook/Friendster, Twittering (for me) or playing Dota (the majority of the guys in the class do). But that also means no more random blog posts from me. =(

I should really convince my dad to allow me to bring Broadband next year (like that'll happen).
So my birthday is around the corner....
*prays for a NON-repeat of last year*
Sorry Mummy and Daddy. I loved last year's affair but I don't really want to stand on a chair and start singing with a ketchup bottle again (TGIF tradition). I think Trisher has a recorded version of that. BURN IT TRISH, BURN IT!!!
Although I loved the part they sang and did that whole stamping their feet thingy. That was awesome. (:

This year's fiesta should be too but....its still tentative. Mummy, pleeeeease?
I miss everyone (like that feeling has ever went away. It's been six months and I'm still missing you guys like a lovesick teenager...HANG ON...I am a lovesick teenager. T.T)
Syauqi called last night. Totally made my night. (;
For those of you who don't know who the heck Syauqi is....I would like to say he's another half of me. Or like, the guy version of me. We met during Tunas Saintis and have been pretty damn close ever since (and that was what? Less than a month ago?).

Yeah Myra, Sash, Divya and Mel...I still have yet to give you the low down on this guy. I promise I will soon. EH, WE'RE GONNA WATCH NEW MOON TOGETHER KAN?!?!?!
It releases on the day after my birthday. (:
Btw, Jamie Campbell Bower (who is playing Caius in the movie) is MINE.
Kthanks.

OH EM GEE....Seriously, just the thought of studying makes me sick. Can I somehow get into DeLorean and fast forward until I'm in college? I mean, I know DeLorean is meant for going back into the past Doc Emmet but...I just want to skip this whole high school plastic facade and get on with real life (outside Malaysia please...somewhere like...Oh...California maybe?).
Big dreams and no hope. How do you like that?

Anyway....I'm off to go and Google some other stuff (READ: Alex Gaskarth and Dougie Poynter). Speaking of them... Their birthday's are coming up too. (;
I guess I'll make a YouTube video for them.
It's been a while since I updated my vlog. =/

To write love on her arms,
Tash.

P/s: Pray hard I pass my exams.

Drowning In A River of Denial

2009-10-26T07:36:00.002+08:00

Hey people of the outside world (this goes for anyone who isn't incarcerated in MRSM Kota Kinabalu btw)....

As per usual, Monday mornings starts off with double period of Computer Science (a subject I have no idea WHY I'm taking although I hope this scores me points to get into electrical engineering...LOL)...

Anyway, as I predicted AirAsia delayed my flight yesterday (I got no words...SEEEEERIOUSLY!!) and when I got back everyone had already turned on their exam mode. Its like I walked into the world of alien robots who have nothing to do other than study. =/ The sad thing is, I'm an alien robot too. T.T At least until school finishes in November.

Speaking of November...Does anyone remember a certain someone's birthday? (Hint: It's not Dougie Poynter)
=)
Ha ha ha...
I might be hosting a party but who knows...Currently the plans are still in the 'tentative ideas' stage and since I'm all the way across the South China Sea, planning is going to be...hard. Not impossible. Hard. Especially since I forgot to bring my phone charger with me. How utterly awesome right?
Looks like I've got to search the entire girls' dormitory looking for someone who uses the same charger as I do. Good thing I don't use an iPhone.

While we're on the topic of the girls' dorm...there's a couple of cats in there that are SERIOUSLY on heat. I'm telling you, the male was basically humping everything in sight. And I...ladies and gentleman had the pleasure of having front row seats to a live cat sex show.
-.-'
You can sense how disturbed I am by now, aren't you?
TRAUMA....!!!

Moving on...
Last year I did a whole wish list thing for my birthday. Today, I'm just going to post up two. And if by some miracle this does come to me for my birthday, then I'll love you forever. Promise! Lol.

There's actually suppose to be an All Time Low band T-shirt up there as well but the computer here is working slower than (what's something slow?!)...
Well, you get my point...

Damn.

I'm supposed to be finishing an exam right now. Lol. It's safe to say that this may be the last time I'll be able to blog before the final exams kick in (Next week...THE HORROR!!!)

Wish me luck.

To write love on her arms,
Tash.

Your Dreamiest Nightmare

2009-10-25T11:50:00.002+08:00

Hey gang!!

Call me living with the lights off but I just found out that AVA is having a motion picture done. I KNOW RIGHT?!?!
But poor Tom. =/
Hope you get better soon sweetie. Good luck with the surgery!

Anyway, mama has to go back to Sabah today (grawr). I'm really sorry people in cyberspace but it's the life of a boarding school chick. It'll be okay though! Because in another month I'll be back. (:
I can practically taste the freedom.

But before that sweet, sweet moment, there's this giant dinosaur blocking my path (a.k.a. FINAL EXAMS). My sweet sixteenth is right after that. :D Ahhhh...Going back is such a buzzkill but you gotta do what you gotta do.

Mum got me a Volcom pencil box from Bali and its awesome. The only problem is that I've been so used to having huge pencil boxes that having this one (which is half the size of my old one) feels a bit....weird. Ha ha ha. Blame Sri Aman and their super-sized pencil boxes that everyone brings.

Oh shoot. I gotta run, sugar babies. My flight is at 2.15pm but as per usual, AirAsia wants you to hang around LCCT like some sort of beggar with nothing better to do than to wait for a flight which they will eventually delay. -.-'

Good luck for all those people who are still having their final exams!! (Read: SEAN!!!)

To write love on her arms,
Tash.

To say that I love him, just doesn't cut it. (;

"IT GLOWS!!"

2009-10-23T23:52:00.003+08:00

Mira and I were arguing.
Buzz Lightyear is no match for the force. I accept defeat. LOL.

Anyway, went to the dentist today. I chose the American flag colours for my braces (ha ha ha, I know). MRSM is having their final exams on the 4th of November so I've basically sold my soul to studying (not the devil, STUDYING).

Well, I can say I kept one of my New Year's resolution.
To embrace my inner-nerd and act more like Ben Campbell. Who knows, I'll be heading to MIT in 2011? (:
My stomach seems to be throwing a rebellion against me. It hurts like tiny forks are being poked through my skin over and over again from the inside out.

I've finished the Anne Rice series, so yay me! I'm starting this new book called, 'Company of Liars' and it's about the plague. Awesome read. :D
Well, for me anyways.

I'm really, seriously tired. Boarding school slowly steals the energy life force from you. Seriously. No wonder people there conform so easily. *raises an eyebrow*
Well, I'm not sure if its conforming or they're just closed-minded. I think its the latter.
Oh dear God, seriously...
Don't get me started on the kids there. It's as if I've stepped into some sort of prejudiced school back in the early 20th century. No kidding!
Its a good thing that witch burning was discontinued in the 19th century or I probably would've been chucked into the fires anyway. I hate being the odd one out. I try to convince myself that its called being unique.
But the students there are not the type to appreciate that.

Anyhoo... Trisher made me watch a random video of a German kid playing a little too violently (poor keyboard) on counterstrike. It was hilarious if not a bit random.

DAMMIT I HAVE LOST MY BLOGGING MOJO.
Seriously. WHERE THE HECK DID IT DISAPPEAR TOO?
I.must.find.it. D:

To write love on her arms,
Tash.

I'm Sick and Tired of Writing Songs About You

2009-10-12T07:29:00.002+08:00

Hiya peeps,

Right. In computer science. Just got back from Penang from Tunas Saintis on Thursday. Then we were all allowed to go home because the water pump in our school broke down so I stayed over at a friend's house.

You would think I'd be able to use the Internet there but let's just say her younger sister makes Chucky look innocent. -.-
I'm not a fan of kids Baizura, and I will never be.

Anyhoo....
We didn't win TS. But that was because we were missing only one part.
Data.
T.T
Can you imagine, we'd have passed the benchmark if we did have that and we could've won.
Grawr.
We finished the prototype at the last minute anyway, so it's our fault.
BUT...

That doesn't mean it's the end. Oh noooo....
There's another international science fair competition going on. It's called iSWEEEP.

Dammit. Time is nearly over. I gotta run. I'll update more once I can get into the Science Department.

To write love on her arms,
Tash.

It's A Carnival

2009-10-01T14:53:00.009+08:00

Hey. Quick post before I have to join Kamil at the workshop.

Our Tunas Saintis project is nearly done. All that's left is to drill some holes and attach everything together. Then we're freeeee....
Well not exactly, we've still got the pamphlet to do. And uhm...about 5% left of the thesis.

I'm excited to go but at the same time all I want to do is go home. It's a good thing the flight isn't a transit or I think I'd be begging to be sent home for a couple of days. Even after months of staying in boarding school, I still can't get used to the homesick feeling that comes after every long holidays.

Anyway, I'm missing everyone as per usual. And I'd like to wish all my friends in Sri Aman good luck for finals. You guys know those stuff. You know you're going to ace it.
So don't sweat it too much, aites?
Aites.

I gotta go. I'm like, half an hour late! o.O

To write love on her arms,
Tash.

How Long Have You Been In Your Bedroom?

2009-09-26T21:54:00.003+08:00

Yeah, you are.

So I know I've been abusing my blog and leaving it to starve and rot.
I'm sorry baby! I really am. =(

Anyway, I'mma be gone by tomorrow morning. T.T
Grawr. My flight is at 9.30am and my luggage is definitely 15kg overweight.
*sighs*
I was reading my posts from like, a year ago and I miss that time. More like, I miss my blogging style back then.
SERIOUSLY. MRSM sucks my blog mojo out of me.

The thesis?
Is not done.
I only got about half a page of the introduction done and I gave up after that. Ha ha ha, Alex Gaskarth is such a distraction. Can you blame me? Anyway, I'm bringing my laptop there so that I can finish up on the thesis. Looks like prep malam it is then. Sadly, there's no Wi-Fi there so I won't be able to update this (well except for in Science Computer which is first thing Monday morning :B), let alone Tweet. But maybe I can like, steal the connection or something. (;

Ha ha ha. Never underestimate me, dude.
Anyhoos...
Baizura is over and I'm supposed to finish watching TrueBlood season 1 before I go.

5 MORE EPISODES TO GO!!!

To write love on her arms,
Tash.

P/s: I just want to take this time to thank all my faithful readers. Seriously, this blog will be nothing with you guys and I'm really sorry that I've been a useless Blogger since April. I promise in November when I'm back from boarding school, this blog will have the glamour it used to posses. (;

It's A State Of Mind

2009-09-22T23:32:00.002+08:00

Mum is heading to Bali tomorrow. I'm going to miss her. -.-

Anyway, I've pretty much been lazing around the house like the loser kid that I am. Oh, sure...I'm supposed to be working on the thesis for the Tunas Scientist. Notice how I said, 'supposed' to. I guess I'm just a bit pissed that the other group members are out having fun and visiting people and I'm stuck here at home with no life.

Jealous much?

Kamil isn't even....grawr. There are times I feel like yelling at him but fine...I get it.
Raya.
RAYA.

ANYWAY, I'm currently installing QuickTime so that I can watch this AP Podcast of All Time Low. Call me a stalker fan, but that band is pretty much my life right now. I'm sort of happy that most people in MRSM don't know All Time Low, it makes me feel like they're my own special band. This time, you may call me a freak.

It gets to me sometimes, how people there are just into mainstream music. Then again, like I said, I'm glad. Because I really can't be bothered to have a mindless conversation with some chick who thinks she's the ultimate ATL fan just because she heard a couple of their songs, about who does Alex Gaskarth belong to.
I love Alex but...I think I've come to terms that he will never ever date me.
Yes, I tend to remember reality every now and again, thank you very much.

I went to every Borders in town just to be told the same thing over and over again. The Leslie Simon book, 'Wish You Were Here' isn't even here in Malaysia yet. Yes, how I wish I was there and not here instead. T.T
God dammit, the book was released like in, February 2009. How could it still not have reached Malaysia?
So I bought a couple of other books instead (though I'm not giving up on 'Wish You Were Here' just yet!). One of the books was 'Slam' by Nick Hornby.
I just finished it and its safe to say, I found it quite...honestly?
I found it a bit predictable.
Halfway through the book anyway...it started feeling like that. Like, oh okay...The character, Sam is going to be...he's gonna do...Next he's gonna...
Get what I mean?
No offence to Nick Hornby of course. I admire his work, I do.
I've read 'High Fidelity' and thought it was a pretty awesome piece.
I think the thing that I loved most about reading 'Slam' was how the character, Sam, is a skater and practically worships Tony Hawk. That, I can totally relate to.

Currently reading Anne Rice's series. I skipped, 'Interview With A Vampire' because I watched the movie. I know, I know.
Books and movie adaptions are never the same but 'Interview With A Vampire' happens to be on my list of 'All Time Favourite Movies Ever' and I don't really want to ruin my impression of it by reading the book after watching the movie. So really, if its anyone's fault. It's mine.
Anyway, I'm reading, 'The Vampire Lestat' now. I've only read like, a couple pages of it so I can't really tell you how it's doing so far.
I sound like I'm talking about my kid who just started kindergarten. -.-

It goes to show you how much of a geek I really am.

To write love on her arms,
Tash.

CURRENT SONG: "The Balcony Scene" by Pierce The Veil

Are You Nervous Sweetheart?

2009-09-20T22:36:00.002+08:00

This year pretty much...blanched out.
Raya was...
I don't know. I just wasn't feeling it. It sucks really. Does Raya only seem festive if its held in Kelantan?
I mean seriously, there was practically nothing this year.
No visiting people's houses.
No mercun/bunga api.
No open houses.
It pretty much, sucked.

Of course, my great-grandmother just suffered from a stroke so Raya was spent in the hospital ward. And my grandmother from Kelantan is in KL because she's still recovering from an operation. Maybe I shouldn't complain so much and just be thankful that they're alive.
Of course I'm thankful.
Just slightly put out, that's all.

Anyways, guess what?
I managed to score 'Labour Pains', this movie that I've been waiting for since last year. Starring Lindsay Lohan (ahem, not the reason why I wanted the movie) and Aaron Yoo. (;
Now THAT'S the reason. Lol. Of course he just plays a minor role but who cares?
It's Aaron Yoo. :D

I have yet to watch it so I'll give you some sort of rating of it when I'm done. Oh, and bite me. I got the DVD box set of True Blood season 1. I wanted to get Ugly Betty season 3 but I guess I'll save that for another day.
I really really really want to get this book.

Hmmm...I seem to have lost my blogging mojo.
Or maybe I'm just seriously hungry. I haven't had dinner yet.

To write love on her arms,
Tash.

CURRENT SONG: "Homecoming" by Hey Monday

Plastic Hearts

2009-09-19T07:09:00.003+08:00

There's something about logging onto my laptop in the early hours of the morning that I'm just completely addicted to. I'm going to miss Ramadhan because of the early hours that I wake up. It's so cool to be typing on my laptop, sitting in bed, in the semi-darkness. LOL.

Anyway, I'm finally, finally home. I slept in until 4pm yesterday. Like, ftw.
If Baizura hadn't called my cell, I would've probably be dead to the world for the entire day. Ha ha ha.
I didn't really do anything since I got back. Well besides log onto FB, tweet and change my blog header (noticed?), well I changed my desktop picture too from him to All Time Low. It's pretty sick. (:

I've been listening to a lot of FNB lately. Oh and BLG's, 'Learning To Fall'. Divya scolded me the other day for listening to that song but its pretty addictive. And it totally fits my situation right now.
Speaking of that, I had a sort of epiphany on my flight back home.
Which is....

Why on Earth am I wasting my time and tears over this dude?

Seeeeriously....
I'm so glad I've finally seen the error of my ways. I find it almost laughable now whenever I look at the long scars on my arms. I can't believe I was stupid enough to do all that. I mean, he's just another guy. I went to boarding school to get that scholarship, not to get infatuated by some loser and lose all hope when said loser ends up to be the biggest jerk on the planet. So, my principles have been set straight again.
I'm aiming high. :D

I'mma get an average of 3.5 for my GPA.
I'mma get that scholarship.
I'mma get myself into Sheffield University or Western University (or if the President of MARA was not kidding, then some Ivy League university).
I'mma be the most talented and amazing sound engineer.
I'mma work and rock with an amazing band.
I'mma be a part of the VWT crew.
I'mma conquer the freakin' world.
Or the music scene at least.

WATCH ME!!!

So Hafiz Ashraf, you can gladly go and screw yourself. I've got my eyes on the bigger picture now. But thanks for making me see it.

To write love on her arms,
Tash.

CURRENT SONG: "That's What She Said" by The Friday Night Boys

JUMP BABY JUMP

2009-09-17T15:58:00.002+08:00

No, I'm not back yet.
I'm currently stuck at the airport because AirAsia decided to fuck up my already fucked up life.
My flight got delayed until 6.00pm so any of you people who is currently still in Kota Kinabalu and wants to laugh at how pathetic my life is, please, do come down to Terminal 2.

Anyway, the scars....haven't healed yet. Its almost like....the scissors had an orgy on my arm. No kidding.
WHY?
(I'll bet you all are wondering)

WELL GET THIS PEOPLE...

He likes someone else.

And that my dear friends, is not all...He (and his gang which includes the girl that he likes) embarrassed me in public so yeah...
YEAH.
The girl that he likes, I have no idea if they're a couple or not. But they're close. And he comes to my class everytime there isn't a teacher inside. So you can just imagine how I must feel like, seeing them together....
Sitting at the same table.

Jealous?
Who? Me?
Fuck no.

Please pass me the blade.

Anyway, I'm like up to my freakin' eyeballs with stress because the Science Fair in Balik Pulau is coming up and our project is only about like...40% finished. When the holidays are over, we've only got 6 days left before we're flying to Balik Pulau. And I've got to prepare the thesis and the abstract and whatever else that we need to bring because (surprise, surprise), I'm leader for the engineering group.

Well, I'm running out of minutes. I'll catch you guys when I get home in KL.

If I ever get home. T.T

To write love on her arms,
Tash.

Broken 'Cos She's No Good At Anything

2009-09-07T07:32:00.002+08:00

Science Computer seems to be everyone's favourite subject. Meh.

I could go without it. Nothing Personal. (:

Anyhoo, I'm supposed to be doing my modules as per usual but I keep coming up with some sort of lame assed 'error build' thingy in my coding and it keeps going on and on about how the 'unexpected statement' when I followed exactly what was written so...again...
Meh.
Screw that.

Tunas Science has been driving me up the wall. We've changed leaders so now I'm leader, Kamil is co-leader and Amalina is well....secretary. LOL.
We've already started building our engineering project (named iTrashCan...pfft....) and we're going to fly to Penang onthe 4th of October. Exams are this Thursday. Holidays are next week.
Where is all the time going?!?!
How the flying fuck do you expect us to finish the project in time?

Grawr.

*sighs*
I'm so stressed out. Can you tell?
I'm thinking about him all the time. No Rianne, I can't. For some stupid mind numbing reason, I can't.
I have John O' in my head now singing, 'I can't stop. Won't stop. I must be dreaming.'
I'm so sick of seeing him everywhere!
Seriously.
There was this one time where I was carrying the stuff to build our project (which included a giant ass sieve) and I was just turning the corner from the stairwell and nearly walked right into him. I jumped like 6 feet in the air and moved backwards.
While he was all....cool and calm.
Stupid Tash. T.T

Then, there's something weird going on with this guy in my class. Okay, I have to admit, I had a crush on him back when I fiiiiiiiiiirst came here. Then I fell for him, right? The now guy. Well...The other guy, my classmate, suddenly started getting closer to me. And the thing is, he started getting closer to him too. I mean, I know for a fact that my classmate was never close to him before htis. Until now. And that happened around the same time as he started getting closer to me.
Coincidence?

I don't want to think about it.
Seriously.
I'd just get all paranoid and shaky and nervous and...
Well, like I am now.
Oh dear God.

I need to go home. I need Sandra, Divya, Mel, Bai, Sash, Mye and Mira. I need to laugh. I need to think about VTW. I need to think about bands and other stuff related to that.
I need to get away from him.
And yet last Saturday when I didn't see him the whole day, I walked around with a hole in my heart, an empty feeling in my chest and this constant aching pain.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?

Intoxicate My Mind

2009-08-28T23:06:00.005+08:00

Stolen from Travis's Twitter profile. Lol.

I seem to be having a slight addiction with him for the last few days. Meh. It's just 'cause he Tweets more than Alex does. Don't even get me started on Mr. Poynter! He's been such a ghost Tweeter.

Anyways, I woke up this morning after sahur and had the weirdest dream ever. I dreamt that some vampire guy turned me into a half vampire. And the setting was in my old house, it was a condominium and there was a pool and everything. And someone was having a Sweet Sixteenth party by the poolside. The thing is, the guy only turned me into a half-vampire so I was slightly nauseous at the prospect of eating 'humans'. Like, the vampires in my dream was some fucked up screwed up vampires. They don't just suck blood from humans, they completely mutilate them. Like, *snarls* *lunges* *bites* *drains blood* *rips your throat out* *rips your head from your neck* *mutilates your body* *eats* *swallow* *licks bloodied lips*

YUM

Anyway, I didn't really want to do that and the guy who turned me was like, "You have to or they're going to kill you."
Which leaves me a great option, huh?
Moving on, I have no idea why the girl invited a bunch of vampires to her sweet sixteenth but she did. And the weirdest shit is that Travis Clark (yes, the lead singer of WTK, PEOPLE, he does have a last name you know. And it's not We The Kings. T.T) was a vampire too! He was totally sympathetic and knew my dilemma. So he was all, "Its okay. I'll look after you and make sure no one decides to kill you instead. You don't have to feed on them."
So there were loads and loads of people there. And it was night time. Everyone was either hanging out by the pool or swimming in it. Then suddenly all the lights went out, during this time, I was in the pool with Travis. And like, these fireworks came up which said, 'Happy 16th Birthday'. Then Willy Wonka's voice (no kidding), resounded in the darkness and was all, "Hey, congratulations to the birthday girl. It's your sixteenth birthday-...(and some really long but sweet speech and lastly it ended like) -... Anyway, eat you soon."
Everyone was like, "Huh? Eat? Did he mean 'see'?"
Then someone shouted, "Its dinner time guys!!"

*insert sounds of human massacre*

I suddenly developed like some sort of weird vampire night vision thing and saw the blood and the gore and everything. And Travis was holding me tightly in the pool (which had turned red by the way) and he lead me out of there, still holding me and making sure I don't get trampled on. I asked him if he needed to eat and he just smiled and kissed my neck, murmuring, "I don't need to. I'd rather take care of you."

And then I woke up.

Seriously.
That was the weirdest dream I had in a while (well, besides the ones consisting him).
Yeah. Then I went to Sash's and did add maths and modern maths and had a Friends marathon.

Which basically summed up my day. LOL.
I know. More interesting things tomorrow. *cross fingers*

Daddy just came home from work. I'mma spend some quality time with him and Mummy now. :D

CURRENT SONG: "That's What She Said" by The Friday Night Boys
CURRENT MOOD: Wants a lightning bolt necklace.

Reject the System Dictating the Norms.

2009-08-27T16:54:00.003+08:00

Guess who that is?
LOL.

Anyways...I've been. Lazing around the house with nothing better to do and ignoring the pile of homework that is shooting me looks. I know I'm going to regret not doing them sooner but please I'd rather be doing Alex Gaskarth.

O.O

Okay, that was meant to stay in my head.

HA HA HA.

Everyone is...well...busy. And it frustrates me about *this* much because I really want to see everyone before being shipped back to Sabah but whatever. I get it. Lives...move on.
Pssh.
I'll just wait here until someone suddenly snaps their fingers and goes like, "OH YEAH. Natasha is back from boarding school. Let's go see how she's doing. I bet she missed us."

I so totally butchered my hair and I'm so regretting it. Meh. -___-"
It'll grow out. Seeeeeriously. I'm so screwed up. I can't stop thinking about him and that's like a kick in the gut. I can't bring myself to smile (well I can but that's usually induced by Alex or the rest of All Time Low) and I'm really, really craving for some cheesecake from Secret Recipe.
GAWD!

Who knows what Baizura is getting up to in Greece but I'll bet she's having fun. I miss everyone. T.T
This is so stupid. I'm back. Yet I can't meet them.
I might as well have just stayed on in school and like, take care of the girls' dorm from ghosts and shit like that.

I honestly wonder what he is up to. Grawr.
I wonder if Kamil has already asked him if he wants to join us for the Science Fair thing that we're having. Just to help out. Hmmmm....
A girl can still hope, can't she?

I want to lick his sweat off. (:

You would *think* that I'm over this picture already. But I'm not. :D

Laters.

CURRENT SONG: "Falling In Love" by McFly
CURRENT MOOD: Tired/Sick/Head ache-y

Colouring My Senses Cherry Red

2009-08-25T23:20:00.002+08:00

It's funny how different I am in MRSM and I am outside.

Like outside, everyone gets me the way I am. No censored and stuff. But in MRSM, they see about 50% of who I really am because of certain restrictions there. Which sucks because I hate having to hold back. To always keep my attitude in check because it is 'frowned upon' in my new school.

What's wrong with being loud and jumping for random reasons? What's wrong with being 'open minded' and talking to guys? They're humans too. What's wrong with dissing girly fashion trends and opting for something a bit more grunge and punk? I ain't dissing fashion hombre, I'm dissing the stereotyped fashion trends which I never knew existed until I went there.

I honestly don't get guys. They say that girls are emotional thermometers but trust me, I think we're easier to judge due to the fact its able to read us (or easy to read me) but guys are like...stoned walls. Which I keep walking into. Which won't even dent no matter how many times I bang my frustrated fist against the smooth surface. Impenetrable.

I don't get why I'm so into him when its obvious he doesn't feel the same way. Why do I always fight a lost cause? It's like, walking over a path which I know is studded with broken glass. I anticipated the pain, the blood...
But no matter how ready I was/am for it, it still run shock waves through my veins. I forgot how painful it is. When the skin tears away from your flesh and your bleeding. Bleeding and bleeding and it just won't stop. Then the tears start to flow and you can taste them at the back of your throat as you try to control your emotions and put your game face on but eventually it wavers and you're left vulnerable and shaken.

Screw this shit. Rip my heart out and drain me of all emotions. I hate this feeling.

Laters,
Tash.

CURRENT SONG: 'Everything You Got' by The Rocket Summer
CURRENT MOOD: Screwed over.

Tequilla Shots In The Dark Scene of The Crime

2009-08-24T02:30:00.003+08:00

I promised pictures. So here they are.

This was actually taken because we both had spades on our necklaces.

That's how awesome me and my friends are. (:
It was so great to see everyone again and just forget reality for a couple of hours.

Too bad when I got back home, my thoughts instantly wondered over to the jersey wearing guy, MARESMA 6. Oh screw you.

I'M GOING TO BED NOW! GOOOD NIIIITEEESSS!!

CURRENT SONG: Circles by All Time Low
CURRENT MOOD: Bleh.

P/s: Warped is almost over. Screw LA. Grawr.

I'm An Addict For Dramatics

2009-08-23T07:30:00.003+08:00

- Natasha Nadiah, Penang, December 2008.

YO!
I've been a horrible blogger but that's fine. I'm back now and holy shizz, it feels so good to be out of the cave. MRSM is fun and all because he is around but even he can't stop me from missing my homies back here. :D

Last night's perfume is still lingering on my bed sheets and I'm still hyped up from all the dancing at Divya's Sweet Sixteenth. It was.... do I really need to say it?

AWESOME.

It was fun seeing everyone after months of being away. Divya, Sandra, Trisher, Mel, Rianne, Yuet Ting, Poh Lian, Sean...and loads more. Oh, I should give Izzul a special mention too or he's prolly gonna hunt me down. HA HA HA.
I'll post picts of last night's awesomeness when I manage to get them from Trisher. Currently, I'm the only freak that's awake at 7.40am in the morning, on a Sunday during the holidays.

No news from across the pond (Sabah, not UK) from my friends in MRSM. Kamil seems to have forgotten all about Tunas Saintis. =.="
Speaking of Tunas...I kinda need to text him because we asked for his help for our project but haven't actually gotten around to doing it. Uhm, hello? Talk about shit scared.
Its not as if he replies anyway. *rolls my eyes*

Oh. I finally launched my Twitter account. Thanks Sash!
Can't wait to meet up again, this time we'll kidnap Myra from her house. (: I miss spending time with you both. Holy shizzzz...I need to go shopping. Mira, lets?

By the way, I found his Facebook account and I've been stalking him like the fangirl that I am. FANGIRL? HE'S not even a celeb. I swear, I've jumped over the edge.

Right. I should try getting some sleep. Stayed up until 3.30am last night. Woke up at 5.00am for sahur and been up ever since. My biological clock is so screwed up, messed up.....
But listening to Alex's sweet voice isn't exactly helping though.

CURRENT SONG: "Too Much" by All Time Low
CURRENT MOOD: Restless.

'Cos There's Nothing Surgery Can Do

2009-08-10T13:36:00.002+08:00

I'M IN LOVE WITH THE ALPHA BAD BOY!!!!

Love.Love.Love.

*sighs*

I Used To Be Love Drunk, But Now I'm Hungover

2009-08-10T12:56:00.004+08:00

Hello people of the outside world!
(Yeah, I think being quarantined has taken its toll on me).

So, what's been happening since I came back to MRSM?
Well....Let's just say things have changed with that guy. Uhm...it's gotten more....weirder?
Yes, definitely.

Anyway, when I came back it was the start of activity week (also this was the week we all found out that we're quarantined. No worries, no one is a suspect, its like...an act to prevent H1N1). So anyway, activity week was damn awesome (so to say so myself). Of course there were times when I felt like choking someone or not bothering to get out of bed at all BUT the main thing is that...

NO STUDYING

Its like being in summer camp. Without the summer. Ha ha ha...
Instead of following our classes, we followed our homerooms (form 1, 2 and 4. Form 3 and 5 were busy studying so they're not allowed to participate). He is in a homeroom quite close to mine and he's the leader. It's sort of funny because despite his bad boy attitude, he's a KD and he's the leader for his homeroom. OH! And he also represents school in futsal and volleyball and he plays the kompang. (:

Okay, I cannot stop raving about him. T.T So the stuff they had during minggu activity (almost like PMD la) was...I can't explain it. We had traditional games, we had to build our own kite, we had to build our own aeroplane out of polystyrene, we had 'practical Haji' (quite a funny scene if you can imagine the guys wearing the ihrams. OMGD, he was so cute!!), we had our homeroom dinner, we had a musical...
The list is actually quite long and it's been a tiring week but its all good. :D

Which makes this week feels like a drag because, we're back to the same ol' monotony of studying and studying and more studying. *sighs*
I passed my Add Maths (47%), highest mark I've gotten so far in this subject. I KNOW RIGHT?!?!
Biology, 60%.
And the latest is Chemistry, 45%.
Like heck, my marks dropped. I knew chapter 3 would be my death. Of course the only thing stopping me from crying my eyes out is the fact that out of 150 over students and only 70 passed. I'm one of the lucky 70. So I can sort of breathe a sight of relief. Well...this just means I've got to study like heck for semester exams. Grawr!

I can't wait to go back on the 21st. I'm already counting the days. He is absent today because he has a performance at IKM (Institute Kemahiran Mara Sabah, also where his dad works as Timbalan Pengetua) for kompang. So I wasn't really in the mood to get up this morning. It seemed almost....pointless.
I know, it's stupid of me.
This whole love affair thing is stupid.
It's one sided.
He barely knows me.
And heck, I think I'm just stupid for falling head over heels in love with him.

Remember how much I used to obsess over Ken Joe?
Well this is way worst.
Because think of it this way, Ken Joe....
I only see him during tuition. Which is like what? 3 times a week, last time?
But now...
This guy is on campus. The SAME campus. So I see him...
Everyday.
Of every night.
Of every single day.
So tell me how I'm not suppose to obsess like freak?

*sighs*
I'm so messed up. Seriously.
You guys?
Where are you?

Last night after prep was such a scary experience, even for me. I have no idea why I worked myself up into such an emo and dark state. That when I got back to my friend's room, I started crying. Then laughing. And then BOTH.
Its like, something inside of me finally snapped. And I begin to realize how stupid I am. Because hell, let's face it. I don't even have the guts to talk to the guy but I confessed I like him?
Funny, right?
Then there's the fact that I feel like I've let like some sort of chance pass by...
Oh God, I'm so effed up!!!!

Gah.
Plus, my throat is acting like such a loser. It hurts and feels like someone had papered the inside of my throat with sand paper.
Yep.

Basically, all I want to do now is go home.

Do you guys miss me?
I miss you.

I Feel The Same Thing Always Happens When You're Gone

2009-08-02T19:44:00.003+08:00

Hey everybody!

So yeah, it's been kind of a big shock to everyone that I'm back this weekend. Mostly cos I was supposed to come back on the 25th but due to some reasons (i.e. no flight tickets), I couldn't make it. No worries, I was fine in Sabah. Well, physically. Emotionally.....I've never been more drained.

It sucks big time when you have a crush someone on the same campus as you because you see them everyday of every hour of every minute. It sucks even more when he doesn't seem to return your feelings. When something so simple turns so complicated. When you don't even have the guts to say 'hi' to him because he's known in the school to be the alpha bad boy.
So why do I like him?

Why do I find it hard to breathe when he looks in my direction?

Why do I break into a goofy smile when I catch a glimpse of his face when he walks by my class?
Why do I find him endearing when everyone else thinks he's nothing but a waste of space (despite being smart)?
He beats me in Add Maths every single time but is crap at Physics.
He doesn't reply my text messages but looks up when I pass by his class.
He has an awesome name but is called by a ridiculous nick name.

I honestly have no idea why I like him. My friends there have been giving me support but I really need the people here instead of them. My best friends who knows me so damn well that no words are needed.
It's stupid to know that I've shed a lot of tears because of this.
Because of my shitty confidence and bad looks.

Gah.

I need to get a life.

P/s: Guess which one is he...

Later Days,
Tash.

CURRENT MOOD: Tired.
CURRENT SONG: Cute Without The E by Taking Back Sunday

All Stressed Out

2009-07-09T09:52:00.003+08:00

Hi again,

Supposedly... I am suppose to do a research for Physical Education but in the mean time...
(:

As per usual...Anyway, I'd love to blog about debate but I'll save that for another time. Possibly tomorrow when I'm searching for things for Tunas Scientist (Inter MRSM Science Fair). I'm possibly in a dilemma right now. Although I can't really put a name to it because it will.... well to protect the people associated with it. Namely me. Yes, I'm selfish. :P

Let's just say it involves something that hasn't happened, that I want it to happen, but I'm scared of the effect that it might cause if it does happen. Did that just make sense?
Haih.

Anyway, I miss you guys back home. Divya, Sandra, Melissa, Myra, Sash and Baizura. Can't wait to see you guys. Although it'll probably be in August during Raya hols. YES OKAY, MIRA, if you're reading this I'm really, really sorry I can't be back on the 25th of July because I just realized that my exams are on the 27th and there's basically no way in Hell are my parents going to allow me to come back right before. I promise to get you a present though. (:

And hey, if you're going to be spamming my cbox with All Time Low, just send me the bloody video. *HINT HINT* That's why MMS was invented. :P Argh, they blocked YouTube here, that's why I can't watch it....
T.T
Can't freaking wait 'till I come home!!

August......It seems so far.
The prospect of exams are looming in front of me like a freakin' dinosaur and I'm basically stressed out to the max trying to catch up with my studies since I missed quite a lot during the Biro Tata Negara Camp and the debate competition. Which by the by, we got number 26 out of 41 MRSM schools. Uhhhh....No comment?

I've got to get higher than 3.5 for my grade point average if I want that scholarship of mine to be a sure deal. Currently I'm at 3.13 and since it's 2nd sem already....studying is getting to be a lot more challenging. With the upcoming Tunas Scientist and everything...it leaves me a limited amount of time to do anything else (i.e. SLEEPING and STUDYING). Prep hours just don't cut it. I mean c'mon, how are you expected to concentrate in a room full of your friends and in the dining hall?

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention. The separated prep malam. Meaning to say, the guys are in the Academic Block and the girls are in the dining hall. It's okay I suppose, but imagine a large amount of girls all gathered up in one place.
Moment of silence?
I don't think so.
They should't make the 'lights out' rule so early. It's currently at 10.30pm. They should at least change it to midnight. Or better yet, we can turn it off when we want to!
It's hard to study in the dark.
It's harder still to sleep when the door is open so that the light from the corridor comes into the room SO that you can study BUT when you want to sleep it becomes a right bugger because everyone who walks down the corridor can see you sleeping on your bed. Well, sleeping on MY bed because it's the closest to the door. And I hate people seeing me sleep.
Why else do you think I try my best to avoid sleep during travelling?

So, I'm trying to get pictures from the Biro Tata Negara Camp. Basically, I'm hunting down every resource and there's actually a specific reason why I'm so desperate to get the pictures but I shall exclude that knowledge. (:

Anyway, there's 15 minutes left before class ends so I should go now.

Laters,
Tash.

Milkshake!

2009-06-25T16:45:00.002+08:00

SO....

I think I pissed one of my team mates off. Why? Because I invented a new nickname for him. Okay, yeah, I'm mean. His name is Suheysen but I called him 'SuSu' (as in 'milk' in Malay). Which gradually turned into milkshake. Which then my other team mate improvised it to, 'HeyHey'. So yeah, I think he kind of got mad at us.

Or was trying to be mad because he was the only guy in the group so with us girls, being girls, he just wanted to gain some 'sympathy'. Anyway, my laptop? I got it back. Thank everything that is holy! I can finally transfer 3GB of my life back into my phone before I send the laptop back to my parents. We're leaving Saturday and coming back here on Wednesday.

BUT...
I shall be in Bentong, Pahang. So for those of you who want to look me up, I think it's better if you do that on Wednesday. We're going to be free in the afternoon and our flight is at 9.45pm. So if you see a large group of uhm...Sabah-ians wearing red batik uniforms...yeah, I'm probably somewhere in that group.

Latifah? I need your debating skills woman! And Megan's. And Sandra's. God, I never thought there would be a day when I'd want to see Mrs. Jay!!!

Anyway, I miss you guys loads. Sandra, Divya, Melissa, Baizura, Myra, Sash, Trisher, Esmeralda, Andrea, Su Ann, Megan-....Basically the whole of 4SC and plus plus. (:

So...I should go. Space exploration and pharmaceutical involvement in sports are calling my name.

Laters,
Tash.

We Are One

2009-06-24T15:48:00.002+08:00

Hi people!

Okay. So it's only been about a week and a half since I left but a shit load of things has happened. Seriously.
There was Camp Biro Tata Negara (which is like a mini National Service, look it up) which took up most of my time. It was possibly...the most challenging thing I had to do so far since it concerned trekking through a jungle in the middle of the night with nothing but a torch and well...your group.

It was damn fun. Including the part where we had to go through a cemetery INDIVIDUALLY (might I add) by following a piece of string. Basically...if you want me to elaborate, it's going to take a while and I'm actually on a time limit because I'm actually supposed to be looking for points for the debate competition which is THIS SATURDAY.

So...oh crap. I got no points. We got 15 titles to research. And I'm 3rd speaker. In a way...it's funny cos I'm coming back to Semenanjung because of it. In a way, it's just plain sad because I'm not technically going home....

Meh. Okay, I lost my mojo for uhm...blogging. OH...My laptop got uhm...'rampas'-ed from me. How nice. My phone nearly met the same situation. BUT...I saved it.

So now, I should go back to finding for points. :D
I shall be in MRSM Bentung from Saturday until Tuesday.

And to Trisher's text message. I may not be able to make it for cheer '09 but I'll TRY to make it for Hari K, I say TRY because my exams are on Monday right after Hari K.

So cheers for now.

I MISS YOU GUYS.

Retrace Our Steps to the Basement Floor

2009-06-15T01:44:00.004+08:00

Well ladies and gentlemen,

It's that time again. The holidays are officially over and I'll be on my way back to Sabah at 9.00am. Huh...
I feel..apathetic really.

*sighs*

It's back to instant noodles and instant porridge and instant...anything when you have hunger craves. No more home cooked meals. ='(
No more hot showers. Instead, it's the freezing cold water at 4am in the morning that leaves you shivering so badly your teeth actually chatter. T.T
No more warm bed and big soft duvet, just a dinky bed with a cold mattress and a throw.
No more talking to Esmeralda until 3am in the morning and continue writing my fan fictions until 5am in the morning and eventually waking up somewhere in the afternoon. Instead, it'll be filled with catching up on studies, not to mention sleep too since it's back to waking up to the pleasant sight of dawn's ass.

Seriously. A year and a half?

Psshhhh....

In the wise words of Nathan Scott, "You can't measure dreams."

So....in my own words, "Put up and shut up, Tash. Just imagine that four years from now, you might be touring with All Time Low. "

SO HELLZ YEAH TO THAT!

I'll blog when it's possible.

Later Days,
Tash.

I'm Leaving What I Know Behind and I'm Living Out My Chance to Shine

2009-06-11T22:08:00.003+08:00

Hi people!
No, I haven't thrown myself off a 188 foot building.....yet.

The reason?

FUCKING WARPED TOUR YO!!!!

Like, okay, I was pissed when I realized that I haven't exactly graduated high school yet so I can't exactly leave and head out to LA (not like I have the cash anyway) to follow the warped tour. BUT, I had comforted myself with the fact that All Time Low would not be playing this year.

Out of interest, I was checking the lineup for this year's Vans Warped Tour and guess who I see?
Hellz yes.

All Time Low

There was a video of Alex and Jack announcing and everything. Someone, please shoot me?
I SO WANT TO GO!!!

*screams*

Alex, you better be updating ATL's vlogs on Buzznet or I will shoot.....something. Not you.

Anyway, I've more or less been bumming around the house. Savouring the last few days. Oh dear God, I promised myself I wouldn't cry. OKAY. Happy thoughts.
I've been drowning myself in All Time Low. Heh. Did that make sense?

I've been writing fan fiction non-stop and I've been trying to sort out some personal problems. NOT like they've been sorted out. Seriously, I'm this close to shouting, "FUCK THIS? DO YOU GUYS ACTUALLY WANT TO TALK TO ME OR WHAT? COS LIKE, FUCK, I'M THE ONE WHO HAS BEEN MAKING ALL THE SACRIFICES HERE! YOU THINK YOUR TIME IS SO IMPORTANT LA? I'M GOING TO BE SHIPPED OFF TO THE MIDDLE OF NO WHERE IN A COUPLE OF DAYS, MY TIME IS RUNNING OUT SO FUCK YEAH MY TIME IS MORE IMPORTANT!"

But, I don't.

Because I'm nice like that.
PSSSH.

Anyway, I've been swearing more and more lately. HA HA HA. I blame YouTube videos. Anyway, I found this All Time Low song and it strikes a nerve. Several nerves to be honest. It's like Alex crawled into my head, took out all my thoughts about going back to MRSM and my thoughts about all the personal shit that has been happening and made a song about it. It's called Last Flight Home and it's specially dedicated to those people who have been planning and planning and planning to meet up with me but shit happens and everything is always cancelled out at the last minute. KAN?

Aih. I need closure. I really do.
Or tickets to the warped tour. Jom Mira, let's run away and fly to Pomona. We'll rent a car and follow the tour. (:

CURRENT SONG: "Poppin' (Champagne)" by All Time Low
CURRENT MOOD: My shoulder freakin' hurt oh yeeeaahh....