AHAHAHA...
I failed BM.
Stupid peribahasas....Who made them up anyway? Got no other work to do....
Anyway, again...I'm in Science Computer. And again.....I should be doing my modules but I'm not. I really can't be bothered with it. No honestly...I'm just....So tired right now.
I've lost track of the amount of times I cried in the last four days since my Dad went back to KL. I walk around with this dead end feeling in my chest.....a sort of emptiness combined with the weight of loneliness. Okay, fine...I do have friends here.
But you know when you've known someone for so long....you know every single part of them? Here...its not like that. They can't be bothered because honestly, who wants to make friends with the foreign new girl? Right?
I hate the pangs of homesick that I get. Everytime I think I'm fine, and I'm able to walk again...I stumble and fall flat on my face.
No, the cute guys here aren't worth the stay. I want Hannan. *pouts*
Six more days until I'm home....I'm trying to take things one day at a time...but it hurts. Every time I wake up....I wish I could just go back to sleep and never open my eyes ever again. I keep thinking this is all just some long elaborated dream, I'll wake up and find myself in my bed but no.
Just last night I had a dream about Divya (YEAH YOU)...that you transferred here to MRSM KoKi. And I was introducing you to my roommates and the little friends that I have gathered from last week.
*sighs*
Home. Home. Home. Home.
Thursday, 23 April 2009
Saturday, 18 April 2009
Say You Mean It
Hey gang,
It's me again. 360th post. You could call it a full turn. LOL. Anyway...Its Saturday and I'm glad there's no school. I wish I could catch up on my sleep though. I don't think I'd be able to do that even when I do go home because I'd want to spend as much time with you guys as possible.
Anyway, I'm......terrified. I keep looking out at the sea and trying to well...not think but obviously it isn't working. I don't really want my dad to leave me on Sunday and oh my god...the idea of 10 days more here, on my own...It just...it scares me.
Okay, so I might have made a couple of acquaintances here and there but what is that compared to 10 days of seemingly on your own? I'm terrified at the prospect of the exams because that will be the staring point of my pointer (stop laughing. I know, I know. Poynter. Very funny you guys)
I miss you guys. I don't think the three days are going to be enough. The idea of three days at home and then after that I have to come back here and survive another two weeks before the long semester holidays is killing me. My dad is telling me not to think so much and just get through day by day slowly. I think I just need some closer. Some sense of security. Because I'll admit, there are times when I feel like I belong here and I don't want to leave. But there are times when I just want to pack my bags up, get a cab and go to the airport and fly back home.
*sighs*
Mixed feelings. Mixed feelings. Pray that I'll survive this, please....
CURRENT SONG: 'Jasey Rae' by All Time Low
CURRENT MOOD: Tired + melancholy + worried
It's me again. 360th post. You could call it a full turn. LOL. Anyway...Its Saturday and I'm glad there's no school. I wish I could catch up on my sleep though. I don't think I'd be able to do that even when I do go home because I'd want to spend as much time with you guys as possible.
Anyway, I'm......terrified. I keep looking out at the sea and trying to well...not think but obviously it isn't working. I don't really want my dad to leave me on Sunday and oh my god...the idea of 10 days more here, on my own...It just...it scares me.
Okay, so I might have made a couple of acquaintances here and there but what is that compared to 10 days of seemingly on your own? I'm terrified at the prospect of the exams because that will be the staring point of my pointer (stop laughing. I know, I know. Poynter. Very funny you guys)
I miss you guys. I don't think the three days are going to be enough. The idea of three days at home and then after that I have to come back here and survive another two weeks before the long semester holidays is killing me. My dad is telling me not to think so much and just get through day by day slowly. I think I just need some closer. Some sense of security. Because I'll admit, there are times when I feel like I belong here and I don't want to leave. But there are times when I just want to pack my bags up, get a cab and go to the airport and fly back home.
*sighs*
Mixed feelings. Mixed feelings. Pray that I'll survive this, please....
CURRENT SONG: 'Jasey Rae' by All Time Low
CURRENT MOOD: Tired + melancholy + worried
Friday, 17 April 2009
Ready, Set, Go!!!
Hi people...
Second blog in KK. So uhm...My dad is around for the weekend so he took me out to spend time with him before he leaves on Sunday. I'm still unsure how I feel about it but I'll try to be strong because as it is...he already extended his stay. So yeah...I'm just going to swallow the bitter pill and wait for the 30th to roll around so that I can finally go home to you guys.
Three days later I'll be back here though. Again, I'm not sure how I feel about that. Most of the people I've talked to said that the first week is always the hardest. So hopefully, by the time my second week rolls around, I'll be fine. Pray for it, alright?
The studying here is....damn different. And it scares me. You guys thought that Sri Aman exams were hard.....HAH. It's like kindergarten work compared to the things they ask you in MRSM. And they're so damn detailed. NO KIDDING!!! For example, remember the ciri-ciri tamadun for sejarah? They had one whole exam devoted to just that.
Seriously.
So here's my daily routine...
4.30am - Get up. Bathe. No hot water. Just cold. Uhuh. That's right.
5.45am - Leave for the dinning hall.
6.15am - Assembly a.k.a. role call
6.45am - School starts.
10.45am - Break
11.15am - School
1.45pm - School's out. Lunch. Pray.
2.30pm until 3.30pm - Afternoon prep (its when you study on your own. Do revision and homework)
3.30pm - Pray
5.45pm - Bathe.
6.30pm until 8.00pm - Pray. Read the Quran. Listen to Agama stuffs...
8.00pm until 9.30pm - Night prep
9.30pm - Supper or go back to dorm. Up to you.
10.30pm - Lights out. That's when you switch the lights off in your room but then everyone stays up anyway by opening the door (they sleep with the doors open) because they want the light. To do what? STUDY, HOMEWORK, REVISION.
Approximately 11.30pm until 12.00pm - That's when I can't take it anymore and fall asleep.
That's my routine for now......
So yeah.... their activities and stuff are normally on the weekends but sometimes in the afternoon. I haven't joined anything yet. I'm planning to after the exams maybe. Yeah, they're having exams next week. And I've only been here for three days and yes, they expect me to sit for the exam. And this exam counts 30% for my grade point average. Their average here is 3.50 something. NO KIDDING. So.....
I'm doomed.
I'll try though. Because their studies are slightly slower than Peninsular but trust me, they're very very very very detailed.
Anyway, I've got a couple of acquaintances here and there......
There's a couple of people here who makes me laugh. mostly the guys la. But the girls are pretty okay too.
Still my best memory so far is the fact that they want me to help them in their English. So sometimes, around me they speak full English. There's this guy, when he speaks in English he has a British accent. Like total pure British accent. And then one of our other classmates didn't understand him so he went, "My question was," *in that British accent of his* and then, "*insert his words here*"... IN TOTAL THICK SABAH SLANG. So damn funny la...
LOL
Anyway, I'll blog more later. Gotta pray.
Later Days,
Tash.
CURRENT SONG: 'Let It Roll' by All Time Low
CURRENT MOOD: Pins and needles
Second blog in KK. So uhm...My dad is around for the weekend so he took me out to spend time with him before he leaves on Sunday. I'm still unsure how I feel about it but I'll try to be strong because as it is...he already extended his stay. So yeah...I'm just going to swallow the bitter pill and wait for the 30th to roll around so that I can finally go home to you guys.
Three days later I'll be back here though. Again, I'm not sure how I feel about that. Most of the people I've talked to said that the first week is always the hardest. So hopefully, by the time my second week rolls around, I'll be fine. Pray for it, alright?
The studying here is....damn different. And it scares me. You guys thought that Sri Aman exams were hard.....HAH. It's like kindergarten work compared to the things they ask you in MRSM. And they're so damn detailed. NO KIDDING!!! For example, remember the ciri-ciri tamadun for sejarah? They had one whole exam devoted to just that.
Seriously.
So here's my daily routine...
4.30am - Get up. Bathe. No hot water. Just cold. Uhuh. That's right.
5.45am - Leave for the dinning hall.
6.15am - Assembly a.k.a. role call
6.45am - School starts.
10.45am - Break
11.15am - School
1.45pm - School's out. Lunch. Pray.
2.30pm until 3.30pm - Afternoon prep (its when you study on your own. Do revision and homework)
3.30pm - Pray
5.45pm - Bathe.
6.30pm until 8.00pm - Pray. Read the Quran. Listen to Agama stuffs...
8.00pm until 9.30pm - Night prep
9.30pm - Supper or go back to dorm. Up to you.
10.30pm - Lights out. That's when you switch the lights off in your room but then everyone stays up anyway by opening the door (they sleep with the doors open) because they want the light. To do what? STUDY, HOMEWORK, REVISION.
Approximately 11.30pm until 12.00pm - That's when I can't take it anymore and fall asleep.
That's my routine for now......
So yeah.... their activities and stuff are normally on the weekends but sometimes in the afternoon. I haven't joined anything yet. I'm planning to after the exams maybe. Yeah, they're having exams next week. And I've only been here for three days and yes, they expect me to sit for the exam. And this exam counts 30% for my grade point average. Their average here is 3.50 something. NO KIDDING. So.....
I'm doomed.
I'll try though. Because their studies are slightly slower than Peninsular but trust me, they're very very very very detailed.
Anyway, I've got a couple of acquaintances here and there......
There's a couple of people here who makes me laugh. mostly the guys la. But the girls are pretty okay too.
Still my best memory so far is the fact that they want me to help them in their English. So sometimes, around me they speak full English. There's this guy, when he speaks in English he has a British accent. Like total pure British accent. And then one of our other classmates didn't understand him so he went, "My question was," *in that British accent of his* and then, "*insert his words here*"... IN TOTAL THICK SABAH SLANG. So damn funny la...
LOL
Anyway, I'll blog more later. Gotta pray.
Later Days,
Tash.
CURRENT SONG: 'Let It Roll' by All Time Low
CURRENT MOOD: Pins and needles
Thursday, 16 April 2009
Can't Stop...
Hi people...
So if you read my class blog. You know that I'm actually supposed to be doing my modules and not go online and well...do this. But I couldn't resist it. (;
Anyway, of course...I miss Sri Aman like hell. Things are just so...different here. No, I'm not shy to say that I cried. A lot. Mostly on the second day when I got into the class because it's like....No one understands me. Their BM is the Sabah kind (if there is a kind) and their English is well....let's just say English is very redundant here.
Pn. Chris, you're right. They DON'T have English Literature here. So maybe I'm taking Accounts. Hey Myra, when I get back can you please teach me?
Anyway, my parents are trying to get me transferred to another MRSM closer to home but honestly, I just want to go back to Sri Aman. Be there and stay there with the 8+2 group and never leave. Lion cub, you say that you miss your class. At least your class isn't on the other side of the sea.
It's hard. Very....hard. You have to do everything on your own here and let's just say...I'm not the queen of making friends here. I guess its hard to approach a new girl who can barely speak your language. I try to be strong. I keep hearing Mel's, Myra's and Rianne's voices in my head.
'Stay strong...stay strong...'
But its hard you guys. ITS SO HARD. Oh God....I'm tearing up right now just thinking about home. :(
If anyone could get a flight here could you please come and kidnap me?
I'm.....I think I'm on the state of depression. But let's not think about the consequences okay?
Anyway, I'll try to get back as soon as I can (the next time I have science com I suppose)....
Till then....
CURRENT SONG: WHAT SONG?!?!
CURRENT MOOD: Sad + unhappy + homesick
So if you read my class blog. You know that I'm actually supposed to be doing my modules and not go online and well...do this. But I couldn't resist it. (;
Anyway, of course...I miss Sri Aman like hell. Things are just so...different here. No, I'm not shy to say that I cried. A lot. Mostly on the second day when I got into the class because it's like....No one understands me. Their BM is the Sabah kind (if there is a kind) and their English is well....let's just say English is very redundant here.
Pn. Chris, you're right. They DON'T have English Literature here. So maybe I'm taking Accounts. Hey Myra, when I get back can you please teach me?
Anyway, my parents are trying to get me transferred to another MRSM closer to home but honestly, I just want to go back to Sri Aman. Be there and stay there with the 8+2 group and never leave. Lion cub, you say that you miss your class. At least your class isn't on the other side of the sea.
It's hard. Very....hard. You have to do everything on your own here and let's just say...I'm not the queen of making friends here. I guess its hard to approach a new girl who can barely speak your language. I try to be strong. I keep hearing Mel's, Myra's and Rianne's voices in my head.
'Stay strong...stay strong...'
But its hard you guys. ITS SO HARD. Oh God....I'm tearing up right now just thinking about home. :(
If anyone could get a flight here could you please come and kidnap me?
I'm.....I think I'm on the state of depression. But let's not think about the consequences okay?
Anyway, I'll try to get back as soon as I can (the next time I have science com I suppose)....
Till then....
CURRENT SONG: WHAT SONG?!?!
CURRENT MOOD: Sad + unhappy + homesick
Monday, 13 April 2009
The Soundtrack to My Falling Tears
So the flight is booked already.
Tomorrow morning. 6.50am.
Today was a whirlwind of last minute packing, buying stuff and medical check up. It was only in the evening did the realization that I'm going to be leaving hit me....
And that's when the tears came...
And they never stopped.
Sandra, hey there buddy. We've been best friends since day 1 in form 1. We've been in different classes since form 2 but we didn't let that stop us from being best friends, did it? Penang trip was possibly the most time I spent with you and I'll cherish those moments. I won't forget your sarcastic ways. And no, you don't have to worry about me changing. Because I won't. And I hope you won't. You're strong, Sand. You know you are.
Divya....Please don't cry. You're going to be wasting tissues and killing more trees otherwise. Yes, we've been in each other's faces every day of almost every week. You give me hugs and everyone thinks we look like each other (its the glasses and ponytail) but deep down, we're two different people. But that doesn't matter, does it? Because you know you'll always be in my heart, come Armageddon or whatever....
Smile, Mummy. You never know who's going to fall for it while I'm away.
Melissa Koay....Daddy, you bring me back down to reality. You're my anchor that keeps me safely in contact with the ground. I can depend on you for emotional support and for homework support. I'll miss hugging your skinny body and seeing your pale face in the mornings. I'll miss scolding you for washing your hair in the morning because I know you'll get flu if you do. I'll miss calling you MELMAN. I'll miss....
I'll just miss you, okay? I know you're not too good when it comes to letting your emotions out, but its okay. I know you love me too. You just don't know how to express it. Take care of lion cub while I'm gone. Make sure she eats and doesn't walk too much.
Baizura Yusof....You also another one. Don't cry la, can or not? It's not like I'm going to leave you forever. I'll be back before you know it, giving you hugs, hitting your hand whenever you start pulling your hair and having stupid arguments with you. I'll miss your bubbliness and the way you keep banging into me whenever we walk side-by-side. I'll miss our trips to 'Grocery' before or after tuition for chocolates and drinks but its okay. We'll make it. Because I know you can. Don't put yourself down too much, dear. Because you know that deep down, you don't need my encouragement and boost to know that you are amazing in your studies. But if it makes you feel any better, I'll be rooting for you all the way in Sabah.
Myra Farhana.... My pillow.... I know we've had our rough times but somehow...just somehow, we overcame all of it. We'll brush the dirt from out clothes, links arms and continue walking. You're my number one music source and my guitar idol (other than Tom Delonge of course). You make polka dots seem cool and you draw the most amazing doodles. I'mma miss you and your artistic ways, Mye. That and of course your awesome story line in Riverside. I know you'll outshine everyone in your class. I have faith in you.
Sash.... Darth Cooker! I spend almost every day in your house. I'mma miss watching One Tree Hill with you (we're going to have a marathon when I come back, I don't care!). I'm going to miss hearing you say, "Wicked." and I'm going to miss talking about couture with you. Who else am I going to hear saying, "I WANT FIVE INCH HEELS!!!"
Lol.
Buddy, buck up in your studies because I know you can do it. Get off that lazy ass of yours and start concentrating. I'll have that crash course with you when I get back.
No worries, in return for your Hell, I'll help you unscrew your bed and move the position next holidays. Okay? (:
Rianne.... My little lion cub. We just regained our friendship in the last four months after three years. It tears me apart to leave you at a time like this, but you know.... I'll always have you on my mind. I'mma miss your hugs. Don't cry dear. I'll be back. Don't worry, your harsh words never hurt me. It made me stronger. It was the dose of reality that I needed. I know you were just looking out for me when you said those things. It's alright, really. I'll try to write as much as possible while I'm in Sabah, okay?
Trisher Tiew.... My lala kid. I'll miss you and your randomness. I'll miss your hugs and your laugh. I'll miss your bangs. :P Take care of yourself while I'm away. Don't let BC get to you, because you know what? He's just a bastard and he doesn't know what you're worth. Trust me. I'll be back someday to kick his ass for you. In the mean time, run for the post you've always wanted. You'll get it. I know you will. (:
Megan Chng, Toofie, Mae, Nima, Su Ann, Lydia Miller, Trishi.... you guys make the 8 + 2 group complete. You guys made classes that much livelier, that much funnier. I'll miss the way we would share food under the tables like it was weed (remember that Crunchie bar????). I'll miss you guys. Classes won't be the same no more. No matter how many new people I meet. They won't replace you guys.....ever. Mae, good luck in debate. You know you'll do great. I've heard your points. Trust me, you'll win this thing.
Hannan Alsagoff.... where do I begin dear? No, I don't want to leave. No, I won't get swept away by some other guy. No, I won't forget you. No, you will not die just because I'm not around. I know that you're not actually letting me see just how sad you are, but know that I'll always love you. No matter how far away I seem to be. I'll always be in your heart. At least I hope I am. Lol. I don't know how I'm supposed to survive the next two weeks without knowing that you're okay. But I'll try...and you'll try to, okay? Please?
Latifah Azlan....YOUR BOOKS ARE STILL WITH ME LA WOMAN. T.T I'mma pass them back to you before we grow older...I swear. (: Lol. You've known me since we were in std. 4. So keep that in mind, I knew you when you first fell for Mr. Wentz. Lol. You were there for some moments in my life when I thought I couldn't go on. And you still give me one of the best advices I could ever hope for. You randomly saying, "PENIS" will be imprinted in my head forever. Lol.
Esmeralda....YOU AIN'T GETTING ALEX ALL TO YOURSELF. Lol. I may be in Sabah but we're still sharing Alex. ;p I don't care what you say. I'mma miss your hugs. I'mma miss our random ideas to get Alex to fall in love with us (by far, the bomoh thing is still the best). You're one of the best juniors a senior could ever hope for. Don't hurt yourself playing handball too much. Make sure you study your Nutrition chapter with Rianne. ;p Take care, Mira.
Vei Sean.... SEAN SEAN!!! Who's going to talk to me about baby sharks and trash cans? I'll miss you buddy. Take care of your troops and please don't let the stress of being a TL get to you. Like I said, kick out the unworthy ones. (: Oh yesss...I'm mean. Remember to do your tuition homework and make sure Aaron doesn't bully Baizura so much while I'm away.
Andrea....Baby Drea. Take care of yourself girl. You're one of the strongest person I know. Please, never ever lose hope. And I know I won't be there for you to call in the middle of the night anymore when you're feeling down, but its alright. It won't be forever. Trust me.
To anyone else I may have forgotten, please forgive me. This is a really hard post to write and honestly, I'm going to be missing way too many people to write it out here.
Basically to everyone up there, please....take care of yourself. Take care of each other. Stay strong. I love all of you. I'll be back before you know it. (:
For now, farewell. I'll try to blog there. If not....then I'll just write.
CURRENT SONG: "Yellow" by Coldplay
CURRENT MOOD: Tired and sad
Tomorrow morning. 6.50am.
Today was a whirlwind of last minute packing, buying stuff and medical check up. It was only in the evening did the realization that I'm going to be leaving hit me....
And that's when the tears came...
And they never stopped.
Sandra, hey there buddy. We've been best friends since day 1 in form 1. We've been in different classes since form 2 but we didn't let that stop us from being best friends, did it? Penang trip was possibly the most time I spent with you and I'll cherish those moments. I won't forget your sarcastic ways. And no, you don't have to worry about me changing. Because I won't. And I hope you won't. You're strong, Sand. You know you are.
Divya....Please don't cry. You're going to be wasting tissues and killing more trees otherwise. Yes, we've been in each other's faces every day of almost every week. You give me hugs and everyone thinks we look like each other (its the glasses and ponytail) but deep down, we're two different people. But that doesn't matter, does it? Because you know you'll always be in my heart, come Armageddon or whatever....
Smile, Mummy. You never know who's going to fall for it while I'm away.
Melissa Koay....Daddy, you bring me back down to reality. You're my anchor that keeps me safely in contact with the ground. I can depend on you for emotional support and for homework support. I'll miss hugging your skinny body and seeing your pale face in the mornings. I'll miss scolding you for washing your hair in the morning because I know you'll get flu if you do. I'll miss calling you MELMAN. I'll miss....
I'll just miss you, okay? I know you're not too good when it comes to letting your emotions out, but its okay. I know you love me too. You just don't know how to express it. Take care of lion cub while I'm gone. Make sure she eats and doesn't walk too much.
Baizura Yusof....You also another one. Don't cry la, can or not? It's not like I'm going to leave you forever. I'll be back before you know it, giving you hugs, hitting your hand whenever you start pulling your hair and having stupid arguments with you. I'll miss your bubbliness and the way you keep banging into me whenever we walk side-by-side. I'll miss our trips to 'Grocery' before or after tuition for chocolates and drinks but its okay. We'll make it. Because I know you can. Don't put yourself down too much, dear. Because you know that deep down, you don't need my encouragement and boost to know that you are amazing in your studies. But if it makes you feel any better, I'll be rooting for you all the way in Sabah.
Myra Farhana.... My pillow.... I know we've had our rough times but somehow...just somehow, we overcame all of it. We'll brush the dirt from out clothes, links arms and continue walking. You're my number one music source and my guitar idol (other than Tom Delonge of course). You make polka dots seem cool and you draw the most amazing doodles. I'mma miss you and your artistic ways, Mye. That and of course your awesome story line in Riverside. I know you'll outshine everyone in your class. I have faith in you.
Sash.... Darth Cooker! I spend almost every day in your house. I'mma miss watching One Tree Hill with you (we're going to have a marathon when I come back, I don't care!). I'm going to miss hearing you say, "Wicked." and I'm going to miss talking about couture with you. Who else am I going to hear saying, "I WANT FIVE INCH HEELS!!!"
Lol.
Buddy, buck up in your studies because I know you can do it. Get off that lazy ass of yours and start concentrating. I'll have that crash course with you when I get back.
No worries, in return for your Hell, I'll help you unscrew your bed and move the position next holidays. Okay? (:
Rianne.... My little lion cub. We just regained our friendship in the last four months after three years. It tears me apart to leave you at a time like this, but you know.... I'll always have you on my mind. I'mma miss your hugs. Don't cry dear. I'll be back. Don't worry, your harsh words never hurt me. It made me stronger. It was the dose of reality that I needed. I know you were just looking out for me when you said those things. It's alright, really. I'll try to write as much as possible while I'm in Sabah, okay?
Trisher Tiew.... My lala kid. I'll miss you and your randomness. I'll miss your hugs and your laugh. I'll miss your bangs. :P Take care of yourself while I'm away. Don't let BC get to you, because you know what? He's just a bastard and he doesn't know what you're worth. Trust me. I'll be back someday to kick his ass for you. In the mean time, run for the post you've always wanted. You'll get it. I know you will. (:
Megan Chng, Toofie, Mae, Nima, Su Ann, Lydia Miller, Trishi.... you guys make the 8 + 2 group complete. You guys made classes that much livelier, that much funnier. I'll miss the way we would share food under the tables like it was weed (remember that Crunchie bar????). I'll miss you guys. Classes won't be the same no more. No matter how many new people I meet. They won't replace you guys.....ever. Mae, good luck in debate. You know you'll do great. I've heard your points. Trust me, you'll win this thing.
Hannan Alsagoff.... where do I begin dear? No, I don't want to leave. No, I won't get swept away by some other guy. No, I won't forget you. No, you will not die just because I'm not around. I know that you're not actually letting me see just how sad you are, but know that I'll always love you. No matter how far away I seem to be. I'll always be in your heart. At least I hope I am. Lol. I don't know how I'm supposed to survive the next two weeks without knowing that you're okay. But I'll try...and you'll try to, okay? Please?
Latifah Azlan....YOUR BOOKS ARE STILL WITH ME LA WOMAN. T.T I'mma pass them back to you before we grow older...I swear. (: Lol. You've known me since we were in std. 4. So keep that in mind, I knew you when you first fell for Mr. Wentz. Lol. You were there for some moments in my life when I thought I couldn't go on. And you still give me one of the best advices I could ever hope for. You randomly saying, "PENIS" will be imprinted in my head forever. Lol.
Esmeralda....YOU AIN'T GETTING ALEX ALL TO YOURSELF. Lol. I may be in Sabah but we're still sharing Alex. ;p I don't care what you say. I'mma miss your hugs. I'mma miss our random ideas to get Alex to fall in love with us (by far, the bomoh thing is still the best). You're one of the best juniors a senior could ever hope for. Don't hurt yourself playing handball too much. Make sure you study your Nutrition chapter with Rianne. ;p Take care, Mira.
Vei Sean.... SEAN SEAN!!! Who's going to talk to me about baby sharks and trash cans? I'll miss you buddy. Take care of your troops and please don't let the stress of being a TL get to you. Like I said, kick out the unworthy ones. (: Oh yesss...I'm mean. Remember to do your tuition homework and make sure Aaron doesn't bully Baizura so much while I'm away.
Andrea....Baby Drea. Take care of yourself girl. You're one of the strongest person I know. Please, never ever lose hope. And I know I won't be there for you to call in the middle of the night anymore when you're feeling down, but its alright. It won't be forever. Trust me.
To anyone else I may have forgotten, please forgive me. This is a really hard post to write and honestly, I'm going to be missing way too many people to write it out here.
Basically to everyone up there, please....take care of yourself. Take care of each other. Stay strong. I love all of you. I'll be back before you know it. (:
For now, farewell. I'll try to blog there. If not....then I'll just write.
CURRENT SONG: "Yellow" by Coldplay
CURRENT MOOD: Tired and sad
With Your Head Held High, Pretend That You're Alright Without Me...
Okay dears,
So I'm sure its quite obvious now. I'm going to boarding school in Sabah. I won't be able to blog as often, but I'll sure as Hell, try. Okay?
No, I'm not calm about this as Robin had nicely pointed out the other day. I'm shit scared. I cry every single time I think of leaving everything and everyone. But you know what? Tears and tantrums aren't going to help me. As Mel and Rianne have mentioned, its about looking at the bright side....Right?
And what Lydiya had told me...Focus on the years after this. The many, many, many years to come when I'll get to spend it with you.
Okay?
To all you people who have written posts about me. Thank you. I cried every single time I read someone's post. ='(
To all the people I'm going to be leaving, know that you'll be in my heart 24/7 as well as on my mind every single waking second. I wish that you could stay with me. Or follow me. But I know you can't. So I'll keep the memories close to my heart and wait for the chance to make new ones when I come back, okay?
Its not permanent you know. I'll be back. Two weeks from now. For the long weekend on the first week of May. Just pretend that I'm in Bali again.....
Tomorrow I'll be in school for a couple of hours. Tying up all the loose ends. Then I'm going to Assunta Hospital to get my medical check up done. Buy a couple of stuff for school. Uhh...and then start packing properly...
I'll blog some more tomorrow. I promise.
And I'll try to make a vlog.
In the mean time, let's just lie in our beds and dream. Okay?
CURRENT SONG: "Skyway Avenue" by We The Kings
CURRENT MOOD: Sad + lost
So I'm sure its quite obvious now. I'm going to boarding school in Sabah. I won't be able to blog as often, but I'll sure as Hell, try. Okay?
No, I'm not calm about this as Robin had nicely pointed out the other day. I'm shit scared. I cry every single time I think of leaving everything and everyone. But you know what? Tears and tantrums aren't going to help me. As Mel and Rianne have mentioned, its about looking at the bright side....Right?
And what Lydiya had told me...Focus on the years after this. The many, many, many years to come when I'll get to spend it with you.
Okay?
To all you people who have written posts about me. Thank you. I cried every single time I read someone's post. ='(
To all the people I'm going to be leaving, know that you'll be in my heart 24/7 as well as on my mind every single waking second. I wish that you could stay with me. Or follow me. But I know you can't. So I'll keep the memories close to my heart and wait for the chance to make new ones when I come back, okay?
Its not permanent you know. I'll be back. Two weeks from now. For the long weekend on the first week of May. Just pretend that I'm in Bali again.....
Tomorrow I'll be in school for a couple of hours. Tying up all the loose ends. Then I'm going to Assunta Hospital to get my medical check up done. Buy a couple of stuff for school. Uhh...and then start packing properly...
I'll blog some more tomorrow. I promise.
And I'll try to make a vlog.
In the mean time, let's just lie in our beds and dream. Okay?
CURRENT SONG: "Skyway Avenue" by We The Kings
CURRENT MOOD: Sad + lost
Friday, 10 April 2009
Tomorrow Feels Like Forever
WHAT THE MATHAFARKING HECK DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?!?!
I told you I don't want to go.
So why are you still asking me?
Isn't one decision enough already?
Sabah is no joke....why do you want to send me to a place...where no one can reach me?
You told me, I'm old enough to make my own decisions. So why don't you trust my own judgments? Yes, I'm aware that you're only thinking about my future and that you only want what's best for me. But that's the thing, isn't it my future?
Shouldn't I be allowed to have a say in this?
I've considered the pros and the cons. And as much as the pros weigh more than the cons, I still don't want to go. So why are you forcing me? For the greater good of what precisely? You say that one year and a half isn't long...
For you, maybe.
For me?
Have you tried being isolated in a place for a year and a half? Even if we take away the school holidays, that will still be another year at the least...
What if I fail there?
As it is, I'm not doing so well in Sri Aman. You think that I'd be able to cope in an environment where everyone is so....elite?
Your reason for wanting me to go seems so....laughable. Who says I'm not able to get a scholarship on my own if I don't go? Why are you doubting my capabilities to achieve what I want on my own without getting sent away? Times have change, I agree. Everyone is getting good results, but who says I can't get better?
Why do you think that ko-ko plays such a small role in all this? Colleges or universities don't just want some lopsided person who is good in studies, they want someone who is an all-rounder because there are so many people out there getting good results but have no social or life skills whatsoever.
You know what I don't get? I don't get why, when everything in my life is just falling into place. Someone or something comes along to smash it into pieces again. To throw those sharp edged pieces of the puzzle deep into my heart, twist it around and pull it out again.
Screw this shit.
You know what?
I don't care anymore.
I'll go wherever you want me to go.
I can't....I'm so sick of crying. I can't eat properly. I can't sleep properly.
Screw this.
I'm just....lost. Tired. And about a million other things......
But who cares right?
Who cares...
"Now both my hands are tied,
And I'm pushed into the deep end,
I listen to you talk,
But talk is cheap,
And my mouth is filled with blood from trying not to speak-..."
I told you I don't want to go.
So why are you still asking me?
Isn't one decision enough already?
Sabah is no joke....why do you want to send me to a place...where no one can reach me?
You told me, I'm old enough to make my own decisions. So why don't you trust my own judgments? Yes, I'm aware that you're only thinking about my future and that you only want what's best for me. But that's the thing, isn't it my future?
Shouldn't I be allowed to have a say in this?
I've considered the pros and the cons. And as much as the pros weigh more than the cons, I still don't want to go. So why are you forcing me? For the greater good of what precisely? You say that one year and a half isn't long...
For you, maybe.
For me?
Have you tried being isolated in a place for a year and a half? Even if we take away the school holidays, that will still be another year at the least...
What if I fail there?
As it is, I'm not doing so well in Sri Aman. You think that I'd be able to cope in an environment where everyone is so....elite?
Your reason for wanting me to go seems so....laughable. Who says I'm not able to get a scholarship on my own if I don't go? Why are you doubting my capabilities to achieve what I want on my own without getting sent away? Times have change, I agree. Everyone is getting good results, but who says I can't get better?
Why do you think that ko-ko plays such a small role in all this? Colleges or universities don't just want some lopsided person who is good in studies, they want someone who is an all-rounder because there are so many people out there getting good results but have no social or life skills whatsoever.
You know what I don't get? I don't get why, when everything in my life is just falling into place. Someone or something comes along to smash it into pieces again. To throw those sharp edged pieces of the puzzle deep into my heart, twist it around and pull it out again.
Screw this shit.
You know what?
I don't care anymore.
I'll go wherever you want me to go.
I can't....I'm so sick of crying. I can't eat properly. I can't sleep properly.
Screw this.
I'm just....lost. Tired. And about a million other things......
But who cares right?
Who cares...
"Now both my hands are tied,
And I'm pushed into the deep end,
I listen to you talk,
But talk is cheap,
And my mouth is filled with blood from trying not to speak-..."
Thursday, 2 April 2009
Manage Me, I'm A Mess
'Weightless' by All Time Low is my 'pick-me-up' song. There's a part from the chorus that goes something like:
"Maybe it's not my weekend,
But it's going to be my year-..."
So much optimism. But I think I'm going to have to listen to that song over and over again (about a couple of hundred times), because I can't seem to get that optimism to rub off on me.
Anyway, its okay Rianne. Trust me, your harsh words are the same words that has been running through my mind for the last eleven months. I think I just needed to hear them from someone else even if I already knew them. And trust me again, your harsh words are more than welcomed in my world. Its always better than cold silence. The kind where you put on someone so that they're shut out. And no matter how hard you try talking to them. They still ignore you.
I'm so...so tired these days. Its like, half the time, I'm on auto-pilot because I'm so tired I can't absorb the things going on around me. Or maybe, I'm just thinking too much. My mind is a dangerous place to be. Not because I hardly use it, yes, very funny people. But seriously, its just...
Its a place where the emotions run high, no barriers. Everything runs through and I'm feeling so many different things at once its hard to concentrate. Every thought, is like a stabbing pain in my heart. Its where the greater part of my sadness hides from the rest of the world.
No, I'm not trying to be emo. I'm not doing this because its an image I want to cultivate. In fact, I loathe the image. I hate the fact that the moment I say something like what I had written above, people classify me as 'emo'. Just because I have deeper thoughts than some fake cheery bimbo, doesn't make me 'emo'. So screw you.
I'm so tired. All I want to do is crawl under my duvet and emerge when its time for college. No seriously, its almost pointless to continue on like this.
"I'm stretching but you're just out of reach,
You should know,
I'm ready when you're ready for me,
And I'm waiting for the right time,
For the day I catch your eyes,
To let you know that I'm yours to hold."
Happy eleven months.
Eleven months ago, I became addicted to you.
Eleven months later, and you still don't know.
Laters,
Tash.
CURRENT SONG: "Yours To Hold" by Skillet
CURRENT MOOD: Tired
"Maybe it's not my weekend,
But it's going to be my year-..."
So much optimism. But I think I'm going to have to listen to that song over and over again (about a couple of hundred times), because I can't seem to get that optimism to rub off on me.
Anyway, its okay Rianne. Trust me, your harsh words are the same words that has been running through my mind for the last eleven months. I think I just needed to hear them from someone else even if I already knew them. And trust me again, your harsh words are more than welcomed in my world. Its always better than cold silence. The kind where you put on someone so that they're shut out. And no matter how hard you try talking to them. They still ignore you.
I'm so...so tired these days. Its like, half the time, I'm on auto-pilot because I'm so tired I can't absorb the things going on around me. Or maybe, I'm just thinking too much. My mind is a dangerous place to be. Not because I hardly use it, yes, very funny people. But seriously, its just...
Its a place where the emotions run high, no barriers. Everything runs through and I'm feeling so many different things at once its hard to concentrate. Every thought, is like a stabbing pain in my heart. Its where the greater part of my sadness hides from the rest of the world.
No, I'm not trying to be emo. I'm not doing this because its an image I want to cultivate. In fact, I loathe the image. I hate the fact that the moment I say something like what I had written above, people classify me as 'emo'. Just because I have deeper thoughts than some fake cheery bimbo, doesn't make me 'emo'. So screw you.
I'm so tired. All I want to do is crawl under my duvet and emerge when its time for college. No seriously, its almost pointless to continue on like this.
"I'm stretching but you're just out of reach,
You should know,
I'm ready when you're ready for me,
And I'm waiting for the right time,
For the day I catch your eyes,
To let you know that I'm yours to hold."
Happy eleven months.
Eleven months ago, I became addicted to you.
Eleven months later, and you still don't know.
Laters,
Tash.
CURRENT SONG: "Yours To Hold" by Skillet
CURRENT MOOD: Tired
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