What It Takes To Fall: December 2008

Monday, 29 December 2008

We Don't, We Don't Care!!

Hello people of the world. (:
I am currently sitting around in my favourite pair of red Abercrombie Bermuda shorts and black 'Suicide Isn't An Option' shirt with the picture of the bloody hand on it, contemplating about tomorrow. LOL.
No, that's seriously what I'm avoiding to do.

Today was the most awesome day I've had in a really long time and its all thanks to my wonderful best friends, Myra, Sash and Baizura.
Why?
Because Sash had planned for us all to meet up at her house to forget all about tomorrow. I found a funny quote saying that, "Stressed is just dessert spelt backwards."
Funnily enough, we were at Sash's house making lemon cheese cake which was totally DE-LI-CIOUS!!! (:
Mmmm.....We recorded it so it's just up to me to edit it and post it on YouTube. You shall see the funny antics that happened while making the cake. The outcome was a heck lot better than Myra's cousin (he baked the cream caramel. -.-" Uhm....salah concept la dude).

Anyway, after we made the cheese cake we left it in the freezer to chill (ha ha ha. No seriously) and went for lunch at around 3.30pm, walked from Sash's house to the Syed restaurant. Which was funny because Myra took Sash's bike and the rest of us were walking and when we had to cross the main road, she gave the bike to me. This was after we climbed a tree and cam whored. Yes, a tree.
We stayed I don't know how long at the restaurant (which is more of a mamak place to be honest) and it was really funny because we couldn't stop laughing and we were talking about PMR results and the PMR exam really, really loudly that the people from the next table was looking at us with 'what-the-heck-is-wrong-with-these-chicks?' faces. Then of course there was the funny 'math problem', I would like to say. Imagine this....
Four girls.
Four plates of food.
Seven freakin' glasses for drinks.
How the Hell did that happen?
Well let me tell you....
Sash, Baizura and I drank our drinks too quickly and ordered another round of drinks (and Myra didn't want one) so that we could drink and toast for tomorrow. We talked some more and eventually went home.
Here comes the next funny part....
There's like this skate boarding hill near Sash's house and we were busy trying to ride the bike over it. Myra got stuck halfway. Lol. Then guess who I met while I was trying to ride over the hill?
SYAHIR.
Lol. I forgot he used to be Sash's neighbour (like directly opposite her old house) before she moved. Anyway, we talked for a couple of moments and then I rode back to Sash, Myra and Baizura. That was when we tried to teach Baizura how to ride a bike *again*.
Quote of the day: "Kayuh like the wind!!" Translation: "Pedal like the wind!"
It was funny because Baizura fell off the bike even though the bike wasn't moving. =.="
She was just sitting on it.
And she fell onto the grass (lucky her it was grass and not the pavement!) and fell through a bunga raya bush. Lol. I know I shouldn't be laughing but I just can't help it. It was a funny sight. We tried to teach Baizura until it started to rain and that was when we went back to Sash's house.

Watched McFly's Radio:ACTIVE DVD *again*. Lol. We couldn't stop imitating everyone (especially Dougie, Danny, Tom, Harry and Jason) and seriously, I laughed so much today that I nearly pissed my pants. We paused the DVD when Mum called me and told me she's coming to pick me up and hurried to the kitchen to eat the cheese cake. Did I mention it was yummy?
It was yummy. (:
I felt sad when I had to leave because honestly, I didn't want this day to end at all. Okay fine, I'm curious to know my results but that doesn't mean I'm not freakin' out. Yeah, yeah....
My brave face and everything. I'm still trying to keep it on. Because Myra's right.
Even if we do get bad results (OH PLEASE GOD NO!!!!), it just means we're stuck in Sri Aman for another two more years (Myra and I are after all, trying out for boarding school. This is mostly because it's easier for us to get scholarships to go overseas for U later on, not because we want to leave our friends behind), life will still go on and yeah.....
It just means we have to try extra hard for the next two years to get a scholarship on our own.
But I just don't want to end up in Arts Stream!!!!!
Please, no.

Haih. Anyway, before they actually release the results tomorrow, Sash, Mye, Bai and I were planning to meet up and start singing One For The Radio by McFly. Oh c'mon.

"Light speed, out of my mind
I'm hurt but I'll be fine
Put your fist to your chest
Raise your voice and protest
Saying, 'We don't care!'
WE DON'T CARE!
'We don't care!'
WE DON'T CARE!!"

Ha ha ha. Right. Divya, care to join us? (;
Melissa and Sandra, you're welcomed to join too. =)

Good luck my pretties!
Tash.

MOOD: Nervous.
CURRENT SONG: "Everything I Ask For" by The Maine.

She Cries Real Tears

Okay guys, I know what it is tomorrow. The day that some of us have been waiting for since the beginning of the year when we knew we'd be sitting for PMR in October.
This is our final stretch and we can't lose it.
Not this close.

Oh crap.
I can't even give my own pep talk because the truth is, all the cool you've been seeing (well obviously not in my last blog post) is beginning to waver. I cannot cry. I'm not going to cry.
I've got to stay strong.
I've cried enough the day after the actual exams when I was busy worrying about the results while everyone was enjoying the euphoria of being free. Now that the final seconds are ticking away, I can't lose it anymore. Other people close to me are and I know they need me. I can't lose it.

Palms are sweating and this sick twist in my stomach comes everytime I think about the results. Tomorrow.
Our lives will be decided.
It may not be important to some people to others, it is. The hopes we've been shouldering for the last year, is getting heavier and heavier as the release time is getting closer and closer.
Like a time bomb.
Who knows what the outcome is?
The number of people who have been hoping for you, urging you, have the strongest faith in you.
I can't bare to see them all being let down.
Even more, I can't bare seeing my own failure.

No, no. Everything is going to be fine. Because we're in this together, right?
No one is going to be left behind, no one is going to be left alone.
No matter what the results are.
We'll stick together. <-- This goes out specially to my family. Divya, Melissa, Sandra, Myra, Sash and Baizura.
Of course to the rest of the form 3's.
I know you guys have studied hard enough to get the results we all want.
I've seen you.
I've watched you.
Stop denying that you aren't smart because the exams are over. Its just the results we're waiting for.

The final stretch.....

I've been listening to Skye Sweetnam and McFly over and over again. I suggest you guys do the same (with your own favourite music obviously). Watch as many movies as you can.
Don't worry about it. Don't stay up all night tonight.
You're not alone.
Just because we all aren't in the same beds (that might be a bit freaky. What bed can fit all 240 of us? Or if we're taking it down to a smaller scale, all 7 of us?), it doesn't mean that you have to suffer through this alone. We're all here....uhm....mentally.

Know I'll be there for you guys tomorrow.
Dressed in school uniforms, we'll find our fates together. Yeah?

So as an extra dosage today. I'm going to post lots more McFly pictures (more for my own benefit so that I don't lose it too). Stare into Dougie's face. That might calm me.

Laters,
Tash.

MOOD: Trying her hardest to be calm.
CURRENT SONG: "Baby Doll Gone Wrong" by Skye Sweetnam

Friday, 26 December 2008

Time To Admit It, A Man's Got A Limit

Hello Santa's faithful little elves and helpers!
Hope everyone had a great Christmas. Mine was......Okay, truth be told. I can't remember how it went. All I know, I was annoyed with myself. So it was only yesterday but a lot happened today which made me forget!

Went to Subang Parade with my Mum and Baizura today. Mum went for some Weight Losing treatment (no joke), so Bai and I were wondering aimlessly around the shopping mall. Mum wanted to get Elly's birthday present now because there's a sale and everything. Went to MPH, I bought this book called '666 The Number Of The Beast'....
Which is technically just a collection of horror stories.
18 stories from 18 masters of horror...
I recognised a few names like Christoper Pike, Melissa De La Cruz (who I don't really think is much of a horror writer, I mean, she wrote 'The Ashleys' but I give her props for 'Blue Blood') and Robin Wasserman. I'm not sure I quite remember which story Robin Wasserman wrote but I recall seeing his name somewhere.

Anyway, an interesting fact about me. When I'm pissed and annoyed, the best thing you could do is give me some sort of puzzle to solve (yeah, I know....I'm a dork like that). Like today for example when I got into a sort of argument with my Mum and then we went to Toys R Us to get my sister's birthday present. Baizura randomly handed me a Rubiks cube while I was playing around with a magic 8 ball and asking it random questions ("Will I get 8A's for PMR?" "Yes." "Will I marry Dougie Poynter?" "Without a doubt." LOL). I then proceeded to solve the Rubiks cube while Baizura tried the magic 8 ball. She got annoyed with it after a while though since she couldn't get a straight answer.
Then a few hours ago, I was staring at my story (OH SHUT UP TAYLOR I KNOW I'M SUPPOSED TO BE FINISHED BY NOW) and got annoyed with myself again because I can't come up with a halfway decent idea and started 'killing' my Rubiks cube again. It's halfway done now. I think. I got all the green parts onto one side anyway. The yellow and orange is nearly done too.

I can feel the ideas circulating furiously inside me but it just point blank refuses to come out. I might either simultaneously combust from annoyance or overload of ideas that refuse to come out. GAH.
Sash is planning a gathering at her house on Monday for Bai, Mye and I. Just to forget all about the next day, which is when results are coming out. Baizura is getting really worked up about it which sort of scares me. I'm wondering if there's something wrong with me because I can't care about the results as much as she does. Or maybe I'm just too distracted by the notion that I still need to finish that story and I've already sort of finished my Rubiks cube first when it's suppose to take what, ages to do so?
AHHHHHH.........

I want to curl up and die.
Ah, screw it.

Walking on the other side,
Tash.

Despite looking like that, I'd still hug Dougie. L-R: Dougie, Harry, Danny and Tom.

MOOD: STRESSED FREAKIN' OUT.
CURRENT SONG: "Can't Be Saved" by Senses Fail (what an appropriate song).

Wednesday, 24 December 2008

Tried To Drown You Out

Hello people of the world. I'm really pissed at myself and had a sort of emotional break down with myself. Uhm, yes, it's actually quite possible. Anyways, it started out on the day I submitted my 'Be Careful What You Wish For' story for the Interact newsletter.
As you would have probably guessed....
I'm suffering from a terrible case of writer's block and I screamed at myself for being such an incompetent writer with ideas like cow shit. I swear, if I was Alexis Meade, I would've already fired myself.

I couldn't even distract myself with the gorgeousness that is Dougie Poynter on the McFly DVD because I've been worrying about this particular story and I know Su Ann needs it before next year. She wants to release the newsletter on the first day of school and the idea of it is really......it's killing me. I can't bloody make myself just produce ideas and I don't want to fill it in with a.....filler.
I'm a strong believer of Sum 41's album, All Killer, No Filler. and I try to apply that to every thing I do. But dammit.....
You know there's something seriously wrong with me if I can't even smile when Dougie appears on screen, with a can of Gillette and saying, "I smell."
BAAAAH.

Oh. I've been tagged. This time by Mira.

Rules of the tag: Answer each question with a song that comes to mind. Tag 15 people to do this tag. Leave them a note to say they're tagged.

1) If you were stuck in a car, in the middle of the night, in the middle of nowhere, what song would you listen to to get you through it?
Mr. Brightside by Dougie Poynter (cover song). Its my comfort song.

2) If you were to make a mixtape for the person you like, what is one song you have to put on it?
I Knew I Loved You by Savage Garden.

3) The one song you cried to all night?
Remembering Sunday by All Time Low. Yes Mira, the same.

4) The song you would listen to just to get you through life?
Meet You There by Busted.

5) A line from a song you would scream at your ex?
"I don't know how the hell I fell in love with you..."
POV by McFly.

6) The last song you had a moment to?
Human by Skye Sweetnam.

7) The song that would annoy you?
Uhm..... That Milkshake song. Its too damn sticky.

8) Song most youtubed?
Most probably Wish You Were by Kate Voegele.

9) All time favourite song?
There's no way I can pick just one.

10) If you were stuck on an island, what 5 songs would you play on again and again?
Everybody Knows by McFly, Lies by McFly, Going Through The Motions by McFly, Run Away by Artist Vs. Poet and Island by The Starting Line.

11) Song you would like to hear live the most?
Over My Head by Sum 41

12) First song you listened to today?
All That I've Got by The Used. Don't ask.

13) The song that got you through a depressing time?
Stay Together For The Kids by Blink 182.

14) What is the song you like to sing in the shower?
Lol! uhm....that depends on my mood. But recently its been...
Can't Fight The Moonlight by Leanne Rhymes.

15) What is the most played song in your iPod/Walkman/phone?
Uhm....Close call between Over My Head by Sum 41 and Lies by McFly.

I tag: Divya, Mel K., Mel Tan, Sandra, Trisher, Pn. Chris.....and uhm....people who are bored with nothing else to do? o.o

Christmas is tomorrow so Merry Christmast to everyone who is celebrating. Sash left for Kelantan tonight and Myra's leaving for Penang tomorrow. Yeah, quite day for me tomorrow I guess. Perhaps I'll be able to get over my writer's block by then. =.="
Urgh.

So my body is protesting against me right now. Its demanding for sleeeeeep.
SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.
Sleep is good.
Sleep.
Ah.....sleep.
Dammit, I got a stomach ache. =.=

Laters,
Tash.

The number one entry on my Christmas Wish List. (; Please?

MOOD: Pissed. Annoyed.
CURRENT SONG: "One For The Radio" by McFly.

Bang. The Boom. The Beat.

Hey gang, so I got in touch with my childish side today. I watched Tom and Jerry and The Pink Panther. I like Tom (the cat. But Fletcher is pretty okay too :P). It took me a while to realize why they called him Tom. Like Tom Cat. Bahaha...
I'm so lame. =B
Watching Pink Panther made me remember a part on the McFly DVD where Dougie and Danny were playing the piano. Well technically, DANNY was playing the piano. Dougie was just pressing one key. Smart boy. =.=

So Christmas is around the corner. Hope you people who celebrate it have done all your shopping! I know a guy who still is in the midst of it (*coughTaylorcough*) and darling, for the last time.... You do not need to FedEx your present here. Don't be a stubborn goat.

I have the strange urge to put on a fake Santa's beard. Uhm, anyway....so it's official. PMR results are coming out on the 30th. Okay, truth be told. I had momentarily forgotten about it until Baizura was stressing about it today. I think I've been stressing about it so much before that now that it's finally here....
I can't really give a damn anymore.
BRING IT ON BITCHES.
Lol. Pardon the swearing please. It came with the moment. o.o

I'm kinda annoyed with Facebook. Site maintenance. Go figure. It's like 1 in the morning and they want to do it now. I should prolly go to bed now. Early start tomorrow.
Oh yes! Before I forget.
Sash, Myra, Baizura, Sandra, Melissa and Divya. We need to plan a day together. Before results preferably but if not....before school re-opens.

OH EEEMMM GEEE!!!

Where the Hell did the holidays disappeared to? It feels like we just finished PMR. You're telling me school is re-opening?
Hello AddMaths, Chem, Physics......
Bio? Yes please, I want Pure Science.
Dammit.
I told myself I wouldn't worry about getting into Pure Science. But hello? I'm sort of under qualified to get in. Apparently you need at least 5A's for trials and I only got 4. =.=
But I got A's in Science and Maths. So who knows?
I just don't want to get stuck in Sub Science. The good thing is, I might end up in the same class as Sash or Mye or both. The downer is...... I won't be with Sandra, Divya or Mel and besides, getting into Pure Science has been my dream since like..... std. 6 anyway.
Yes, I can be ambitious. Lol.

Later days,
Tash.

Divya and I. Cam-whoring. (;

MOOD: Stomach ache-y. Pissed at writer's block.
CURRENT SONG: "My Boyfriend is Music" by Skye Sweetnam.

Monday, 22 December 2008

I'm Back In Wonderland

Hey lovers, okay so...... I changed my layout (um...kinda obvious don't you think?). Well I guess I was getting bored with the old one and I thought....hey! Since the year is coming to an end and we'll soon be posting our New Year Resolutions up, might as well start the new changes a couple of days earlier.

Anyway, I'm seriously bored right now with nothing better to do than to blog. Mostly because, I'm at my Mum's office and they blocked out YouTube and Facebook (I feel like I'm in Sri Aman all over again -.-) and there seems to be nothing on the Net. I'm not really into any fanfiction right now but I think that's because I cleaned out every single Sum 41 and Blink 182 fanfiction in Fandomination.net
They're the only fanfiction I read because I hate McFly ones unless they're interactive. (;

Oh yes, I'm lame.
Anyways, I was being a ~~bit~~ lot emo in my last post but I'm better now. Pn. Chris and Myra has been commenting about 'being strong' as you can see in my Cbox over here ----->
And yeah, I understand that. I'll try. But its never going to be easy. Not when I'm alone most of the time with my thoughts. I know this is going to sound lame but I was this close to crying a couple of minutes ago because I accidentally found a picture of Dougie kissing his ex-girlfriend, Hannah Tointon (okay, so that was over like aaaages ago but she's still incredibly gorgeous, okay?). Right, I need to get some closure!

I'm sort of frustrated right now though. I'm supposed to be doing this translation work for my Dad which was supposed to rake in 6k for me (ha ha ha, I can smell the Macbook approaching) but as it turns out, the thing got cancelled. So my 6k? Up in smokes.
=.="
GAH!
How am I ever going to afford a Macbook? My parents refuse to get me one unless I get straight A's for my PMR and even then, they're only paying for half of it. How am I suppose to make two grand? I mean, it's not like it's going to tergolek (roll over) and die in my lap just like that.

Pfft....Moving on.
I really need to spend some time with my friends. Okay, so that's what I've been doing over the last weekend but I need to cram in as much time with my friends as possible before PMR results come out! Which by the way, does anyone know the exact date for?
There are speculations it'll come out on the 28th (because that's what we've been told since what, June?) and then the 30th and now someone says as early as the 26th.
Anyway, if anyone has the true date then please let me know because I do not want to be in bed on that day and suddenly get a call from Divya, Myra, Sandra, Melissa, Sash or Baizura demanding to know where the Hell I am because results are on that day. Okay fine, I know I won't be that blur but it could happen!
I'm sort of stoked to get the results but at the same time, I want to run in the opposite direction and never look back. =S
Gurh, let's just get this done and over with already!!

I accidentally left my thumb drive in Sash's house the other day so I can't transfer my story to Su Ann. =.= I feel like such a retard.
I want to watch episode 12 of One Tree Hill season 6 which Sash has because I want to know what happens to Peyton (Sash already told me but it'll make a bigger impact if I watch it!) and then wait impatiently for the next episodes which are only coming out in January 2009. Phew....January is going to be one hell of a month. I can already feel it.
I want to hang out with Myra, Sash and Bai and act all stupid (like I haven't been doing that already).

So yeah. I gotta go.....My Mum wants to use the computer. She's back from interviewing people and she's telling me about how everyone is afraid of her because she's the head of the legal department and so on. *laughs* She reminds me of The Devil Wears Prada. Or in this case, The Devil Wears Bata.

peace out hommies,
Tash.

Alaaa....EEEEEE....SO CUUUUUUUUUUUUUTE.

MOOD: Nauseated.
CURRENT SONG: I've got 'Lies' by McFly in my head.

Tuesday, 16 December 2008

Tuesday

Who Said it Was Easy To Put Back All These Pieces?

What do I want?
That’s a question I’ve been asking myself for almost four years.
I want that guy.
I want to smile without faking it.
I want to feel that feeling when you’re happy. That eternal euphoria, like a talisman you keep inside yourself during a rainy day.
I’m too young to be sad.
Too young to be depressed.
Too young to be jaded.
Myra’s right, being emo is stupid. But it’s not a feeling you can control, just when I think I’m happy. Convinced myself that I’m flying, something shoots me. Clips my wings and watches me falls.
I want to stop myself. I want someone there to catch me.
‘Believe it will happen. Never stop believing.’
It’s so hard.

I wonder sometimes, what my life would be like if my father hadn’t married a second wife. I wonder if………I would still feel this way.
I wonder if…………I’d be able to trust him and love him.
Those things, love, trust, faith……
It seems to be embedded in the minds of children since they were born. Who else would they have if it weren’t for their parents?
But I lost mine. Lost the love, the ability to trust them……or rather, my father.
The life of an eleven year old girl shattered in front of her eyes on that faithful day.
They say, everything heals with time.
It’s been four years.
Four years and I can still barely grasp that concept.
Sure, I can look at my step-mum without anger. Without wanting to hurt her for all the pain and hurt she has caused my family.
But I can’t trust him anymore, I can’t love him anymore……
The feeling, the word dies on my lips because I can still see that day in my mind.
Have you ever heard your Mum cry?
The kind of tears, the gut-wrenching sobs when someone cries because they know they’ve just lost everything?
Sometimes at night, I can still hear the echoes of her, crying.
I can still hear the fights, the shouting, the screaming………
I knew life would go on.
The world still continues to spin, the sun continues to rise, casting its rays over the broken fragments of the people I used to call family.
But that day, pushed me off a cliff into a never ending fall……
I went to school, putting a brave face and a smile……
But I always fought with my friends.
I jumped from one relationship to another in a matter of days.
I grew obsessed with darkness and the numbing velvet of silence.
I wanted to die.
I wanted the never ending pain to stop.
I was addicted to the scenario in which, I’ll go to sleep and never wake up again.
But everyday I woke up.
Everyday I go through the same routine of masking the tears, the pain and the sadness. Just for the sanity of my Mother and those around me.

Four years later and I began to grow even more reckless.
Always on a quest to find for someone to fill that empty void in my heart. The great big gaping hole my father has left me to deal with.
Every time, the relationship ends.
Every time, I’m left even more broken than I was before. Each relationship was an even greater blow than the last, to my already fragile heart.
But I can’t stop. Even though it hurts me, even though every day instead of getting better, it just gets harder and harder.
‘Every cloud has a silver lining.’
Why haven’t I found that silver lining?
How do you expect me to even see the clouds when I’m blinded with the past, the broken hopes and the tears of a thousand painful nights alone?

Right now, I’m wondering about a relationship I could’ve have.
There’s just one little problem in this great plan though.
He doesn’t know I exist.
Or maybe he does, he just doesn’t care.
I was just a shadow in his eyes. Always thrown into the corners and never to be thought of again.
Why, why couldn’t he see me?
I can’t tell him now. I can’t tell him how I feel or the way he makes me feel. The way he gives me hope, trying to tell me that another day doesn’t have to pass by filled with regret and pain.
We never talked except for this one time when we accidentally bumped into each other in the office. I have no idea where the strength to say ‘hi’ to him came from, but I did.
I’ll never forget his smile or the way he said ‘hi’ back.
I know this sounds vaguely psychotic but that moment just replays itself in my mind. One moment of pure happiness.
I remember how I couldn’t stop smiling that day.
How I felt like nothing could go wrong.
Someone could’ve told me my entire family was decapitated in a car crash and I was the last one left and I think, I would’ve still gone on smiling.
That was months ago and yet, it feels like only yesterday.

I remember one night, there were only days left of tuition before we’ll never see each other again. I was standing at the back of the class, near the toilets and talking to Baizura, when he walked past us from the toilets.
I couldn’t remember what I was saying to Baizura. All I remember was the over whelming urge to run over to him and hug him. Never wanting to let go.
Time was precious and this was the second last night.
I took one step towards him and stopped.
I held myself as I watched him go back to his seat, oblivious to the conflicting emotions in me.
I remember the last night. Everyone was rushing out of class, eager to return home to their beds after another night of what felt like endless studying.
PMR was so close.
We passed by each other near the exit, him already leaving the classroom, me going to retrieve my shoes. I remembered what Melissa had told me just the night before.
Take the chance because you never know when it will come back. Even if it does, it won’t ever be the same.
Carpe diem.
Seize the day.
I saw him looking at me and I smiled but he averted his gaze the second he noticed I saw him. My heart fell but I continued, in the rush of students leaving the classroom……
When we were just inches apart, I said goodbye.
I don’t think he heard me.
Or if he did, he never bothered to reply.
The next second he was gone and I was left alone.
I felt weak and cold.
My entire body was shaking as I sat down on the floor, willing those tears away.

It’s been nearly two months now.
Two months since I last saw him.
I still wish I could tell him how I feel. But my only link to him, his best friend, refuses to speak to me.
Endless unanswered text messages and testimonials. Blocked on Windows Live Messenger.
If he would give me the chance, I’d try to explain it all to him.
The vast sea of emotions in me, I’d tell him everything. But how can I?
When he won’t even reply my text messages?
Give me a chance, Robin.
Give me a chance to explain how I feel about Ken Joe.

‘I didn’t think much of it then,
But its starting to all make sense,
Oh I can see now,
That all of these clouds,
Are following me in my desperate endeavour,
To my find my whoever……’

‘Ran my whole life in the ground,
And I can’t,
I can’t get up when you’re gone.
And something’s breaking up,
I feel like giving up,
I won’t walk out until you know……’

‘With these voices in my head,
I can’t go on like this,
Living like the dead,
I haven’t slept so long,
Feelings that I dread,
I’m talking to myself,
Forgot what I just said……’

‘But if I had,
To make sense of this mess I’m in,
I’m not sure where I should begin,
I’m falling,
I’m falling……’

Sunday, 14 December 2008

Sunday

So Why Did You Tell Yourself You Were Happy When You're Not?

Audrey Hepburn is a beauty. Her Givenchy dresses aren't half bad either. (: Anyway, I'm in my Aunty's house and using the laptop. Slept at around 2am last night....
I had a weird dream about Ken Joe. Talk about random. I was expecting someone like Dougie but noooo.....

I woke up to the sound of my sister banging on my door like Armageddon was coming down on us (or at least the landslide at Bukit Antarabangsa that happened recently) and I got pissed. I don't take it that well when someone gives me a rude awakening. I mean, its an entirely different story if someone popped a balloon in my ear (ha ha ha Tom, you're so mean!) because okay, that's a bit more....hands on, evil which I can take. Banging on the door. Not so. I'd rather someone grab a bucket of water and dump it over me than bang on my door like a lunatic (although if you want to face my wrath for wetting my bed, yeah, don't....)

Its that time of month again for me which of course surprised me. Wasn't expecting it. Lol. Right, why am I talking about that? I think the dinner fumes mixed with killer stomach cramps are getting to me. Went to the DVD shop today and got season 6 of One Tree Hill, not the complete season since the next episodes are coming out in January '09. I can't believe the year is going to end soon!
It feels like I just turned fifteen.

Oh hang on......
I did just turn fifteen. =.=
The disadvantages of being born in November. The good thing is I'm on the same month as Dougie (a.k.a. my future husband... HAH! Myra, Sash, Bai and Lilian, you support me don't you?). I was just watching a YouTube video of Dougie disguising himself as 'Stewart' with a mask and everything and walked through the crowds before one of their concerts in Manchester. Lol. It was a funny disguise and if I was there I would have probably ran away from him. People in masks makes me uneasy. Its not one of those masquerade masks either (those I find extremely sexy and intriguing, depending on the design of course) but this was one of the masks that covers the whole head. Like, something like the Hamburglar from McDonalds. But then again, if I knew it was Dougie in there, I'd be running towards him. Of course. (:

Oh! And another thing I found at the DVD shop. SKINS SEASON 1 & 2!!!!!
Oh my God, I've been trying to watch it on YouTube but I could never find the whole episodes. Now I can watch everything on a bigger TV screen.
Ohhhh....Nicholas Hoult and Mike Bailey here I come!

I'm going over to Baizura's house tomorrow to watch it with her since technically, she was the one who introduced me to this amazing British drama series (speaking of British drama series, I miss 'My Family'. I don't get to watch it anymore since my Mum unsubscribe to BBCE). That reminds me, she has a facial tomorrow which means I get the fun task of sitting on a stupid white plastic chair in an overly air conditioned room, freezing the crap out of me and doing absolutely nothing. Hence, I need to charge my iPod and put in the new McFly songs.

My step-cousin just came back from swimming and their dripping all over the house. Great, my sisters and step-cousin now want to watch some random Barbie dvd. =.=
Meh. I used to love playing with Barbie dolls when I was younger but I'd rather not watch their movies thanks. Its a wide screen plasma TV! I should be watching McFly!!!
Oh well, least I got my Aunty's laptop. Thank God for small favours I suppose.

Although, I'm tempted to play my step-cousins PS3. Oh yes, they have PS3. I know. I would rather have a WII but you know what, PS3 is still better than nothing! No wait, I'd rather Xbox 360 than a PS3 but a Nintendo WII tops it all off. Oh crap, I'm beginning to show you my true geek side huh? :P

Right, I'm now going to drown out the annoying Barbie 'Nutcracker' movie (I kid you not) with sounds of McFly and Artist Vs. Poet from YouTube. What a weird combination. McFly and Barbie. Damn. =.=

Since Christmas is coming, can I please have this for my Christmas present? You can lose the bass and clothes if it makes it any cheaper. (; Lol. Dougie Lee Poynter is my sexy hubby. 5 years and on going!

MOOD: Hungry. Tired.
CURRENT SONG: "Runaway" by Artist Vs. Poet

Saturday, 13 December 2008

Saturday

You're Never There When I Turn Around

*DOOM DOOM DOOM*

And that was how I ended up waking up at 7.30am in the morning when I slept at around 2am last night. Turns out, my family wanted to go for breakfast at the usual mamak shop and I was like, "Unnngghhhh...."
Oh well, its been a while since I drank teh ais anyway. Speaking of which, I had the 'kurang manis' joke with my family. It was totally random and the when the drinks came it still wasn't kurang manis.

My Dad got a new phone which I'm totally jealous of. It's the new Nokia Eseries. It just makes me more determined to get that Nokia N76 of mine. Well, I'd rather aim for a Sidekick but do they actually have them in Malaysia?
Omg....I want a Sidekick.
Speaking of want, I was going through my McFly file (which took a considerably short time considering the fact I have over 1000 pictures of them) and it got me lusting over Dougie (eeehhh....what's so unusual about that?) and their outfits! I love their shirts. C'mon Myra, let's go steal their shirts!
I want Dougie's old Famous Stars and Straps shirt. Well, I'd rather him of course.

Anyway, we went out for lunch at Jusco at Equine. Had mac & cheese from Kenny Rogers (Sandra I can't believe you haven't tried the muffins there =.=). I bought this amazing black belted mini trench coat from Bossini. It was about RM83 which is pretty okay I suppose. I got home and tried it on with a couple of stuff and on my next shopping trip (ahem, calling Sash, Myra, Baizura, Sandra, Divya and Melissa....When will that be by the way?), I'm going to get a couple more other stuff to go with it. Well that is if I've got the cash to support my shopping addiction, which hopefully by the end of this month, I will. (:

Oh yes, I love it. (:

I'm addicted to McFly's 'Only The Strong Survive'. Danny's voice is addictive in that song. Lol. Anyway, I'm going to go practice 'Falling In Love' (yes by McFly) on the guitar again. I've been attached to my guitar for the past week. My fingers are practically burning from playing so much guitar. Well at least I can say I can play, 'All About You', 'Transylvania', 'Lonely', 'Year 3000', '3AM', 'Sleeping With The Lights On'.
I'm still working on that Kate Voegele song and 'Pieces' by Sum 41. I can only strum those songs but I'm lacking the coordination to sing and play the guitar at the same time. I feel like Phoebe from Friends. =.=
Anyway, fingers crossed.
And fingers crossed that my Hotmail will soon be up so I can send Su Ann my story. =S

*Natasha swoons and trembles all over* Dougie Poynter is my sexy lover. (:

MOOD: Determined.
CURRENT SONG: "Only The Strong Survive" by McFly

Friday, 12 December 2008

Friday

I'm Getting Tired of Asking.

Trisher is so smart. So yes, here I am. Blogging about, 'nonsense'. I've been watching the McFly DVD again today and again, I swooned so hard. Then I went into my room and unleashed the writer in me. Went out to watch Part 2 of the DVD (its two hours long okay) and then went upstairs to use write some more. Then went downstairs for dinner. And now here I am.

I've been Facebooking a lot these days. Don't ask why, even I have no idea. I hardly ever open my MySpace anymore. Actually, I can't remember the last time I opened my MySpace account. =.=
Anyway, I'm now randomly going through my YouTube account and people's profiles on Facebook. Speaking of YouTube, McFly should really invent that McTube they had on their DVD. Oh, and I posted a couple of new videos on my YouTube account so if you're as bored as I am now (which is pretty damn bored) then by all means, go check it out and leave comments. However criticizing they are.

I hate people touching my face. <-- That was random but true. I can't stand it. Who knows where their hands have been and their touching my face??? I've got enough pimples as it is thanks, I don't need some extra dirt and grime on my face to clog up any more pores and cause some weird funky build up until a red volcano (known as the pimple) appears. Speaking of pimples, Dougie had one on his neck which Harry popped. =.= Urm....I thought we weren't suppose to pop our pimples? But then again, you're not suppose to pop the pimples on your face. This was on the back of his neck so I don't think the rules applied anymore. Besides, it would be sort of cool to have a scar on the back of your neck.

My Dad is bugging me to send him a couple of my stories so that he can send it to his friend who is a publisher. According to him (my Dad), he says his friend can tell me if I actually have talent for writing or not. Oh gee....Thanks. I really want to know that I don't actually have talent in writing and the past fifteen years have been a great big waste of time.

I want a MacBook. I think anyone who knows me should know by now how much I want it. Besides, I'll finally have a place to put those Etnies stickers that came with the Bliss magazine (the one with McFly on the front cover :D). Who knew Etnies has lipgloss? It smells yummy too but I'm afraid to use it in case my lips turn blue or something. You can never really trust make up that comes in freebies. Unless you happen to work for some magazine and they gave you bags of MAC makeup. Oh God, that would be awesome. I'm a big fan of Fafi. (:
Or rather, the graphics.

I've been listening to Radio:ACTIVE on loop. The voices in my head are beginning to sound like Dougie, Tom, Danny and Harry. =.=
Dougie is my random inner voice, that suggests all sorts of random stuff to do. In fact, this blog post has a commentary going on in my head and its got Dougie's voice.
Tom is my conscience. He says all the things I'm supposed to be doing, like sleep and import those files for my Dad.
Danny is my warning inner voice. He keeps on telling me what time it is in a thick Bolton accent. Harry is my logic inner voice. Because I watched a Thai horror movie over at Sash's and some of the stuff were still in my head and I was home alone today but the inner voice that sounds like Harry kept on saying that there's nothing there. I've been living here for nearly two years anyway and nothing has happened so I'm safe.

Anyway, I want to log off now. I've got a sudden inspiration to write a song but I can't be bothered to find for a pen and paper. Before you say, "You can just write it on Microsoft Words."
I prefer the old school way of writing inside my 'Lyrics Book'. Yes, I actually do have a lyrics book.
No, you're never going to see it because it sucks. Its just a place where my musical alter-ego can unleash its wrath.

****!!!!!!!!
Need to send Su Ann the next installment for my story, 'Grim Reaper's Assistant'. Great. And my Hotmail is being gay. =.=

Friday

Bury Me With My Guitar.

Oh yes. Yes, yes, YESSSSSS.

I can't even begin to describe how I felt like when I got the album. It was like....a massive firework explosion going on in my mind.
So we had the McMarathon. Which consisted of Motion In The Ocean DVD, All The Greatest Hits Concert Tour and the latest baby, Radio:ACTIVE Deluxe Edition DVD Album (the cover is freaking glow in the dark!). I made a video on YouTube about it, go check it out. (:
In total we spent about 6 hours watching McFly.

It was sort of sad at first because Myra came late because her grandfather passed away. It came as a shock to all of us and she had to rush to Sungai Buloh for the funeral. Then after that she came to Sash's house at around 11.30pm.

That was when the McMarathon began at around midnight. It was......awesome.
We sang, screamed and danced our way. The volume was so loud (made better by the surround sound in Sash's living room), its a good thing that Sash's parents weren't around or we'd have been in serious trouble. Sash is right, the only way to watch McFly is on a widescreen TV. The A/C and fan was on (yeah, I know, totally not saving the Earth) and despite that, we were still sweating buckets.
Why?
Because we were jumping along to the concerts and having our own mini-mosh pit with only four people (me, Sash, Myra and Baizura). If any of us had asthma, we might've already gotten attacks. We were wheezing, panting and crashing out on the floor. No wonder the McFly lads are so fit!! All that jumping around on stage definitely helps!!!
All that jumping definitely killed all the fats that I ate when we ordered two EXTRA LARGE New York crust pizza, BBQ chicken wings and garlic twisty bread from Dominos.

Anyway, the Radio:ACTIVE dvd was A-MA-ZING.
2 hours worth of McFly???
Hell EFFING YES!!!!!
Sash and I went crazy when we saw Harry and Dougie. They were so hot. We had to pause the dvd for a while to re-stock on food and drinks and while Baizura and Myra were in the kitchen, Sash and I ran around the entire first floor of her house, screaming because our boys are so, so, SO HOT.
There was a part in the dvd, when they were in Australia making Radio:ACTIVE, where Dougie was playing his bass part for Lies. I swooned so hard, I think I had a mini-orgasm watching him play. (:
Oh yes, he's that hot.
Sash kept hitting me when Harry appeared, drumming shirtless. He's fit. They're ALL fit. Bahaha....The guys surfing. Harry wipes out with style.
Oh and Sash, Myra and I tried our 'music talk'. You know, when you try to imitate bass/guitars/drums without actual words. Just something like, "Dum dum dum...."
Ha ha ha. That was funny.
I like how they decorate 301 Studios! I want to steal the flowery lights. Its so pretty. (: And the big giant ass candles on the table besides Tom's black couch.

McFly Official 2009 Calendars.

Baizura 'surprised' us with an extra present. McFly calendars. I say 'surprised' because I had already guessed what it was when she was still in London. All of us have one so expect to see it on our walls next year!
Mine is already hanging in front of my bed and I can't stop grinning at it.

This was my birthday present from Baizura. Its a picture of Dougie from this year's unofficial calendar. He's practically life-size. *swoons* (:

Ha ha ha. I couldn't resist kissing him. Yes, I think this might confirm your suspicions.
I love Dougie Poynter that much.
I can't stop smiling now. (:

Kayh, I can't resist it anymore. I'm gonna go and watch the Radio:ACTIVE DVD again. :D

Dougie Lee Poynter is love and life. End of story. (:

MOOD: Unadulterated happiness.
CURRENT SONG: "Do Ya" by McFly

Tuesday, 9 December 2008

Tuesday

Her Kiss Just Can't Do Without It

I want a lip ring. =.=
But they say it hurts like crazy. Dougie took his off so soon! =/
He looked super sexy with it though. Not that it makes any difference, he's sexy in any way ('cept with the bird's nest hair. That, I find very hard to love).

I had a sort of successful afternoon. I can sort of play 'Wish You Were Here' by Kate Voegele. Omg....I want her album! 'Don't Look Away'.
I'm not sure if they sell it in Malaysia so it looks like I'm on a hunt!
I still want The Operation M.D. 'We Have An Emergency' album though.
Note to self: Tell Acu before he leaves for Vancouver.
Don't ask. I have absolutely no idea why the cd is only available in Canada and Japan but it is so I'm trying not to complain so much.

So I've been texting people like a lunatic today and I've basically had 'Dear Maria Count Me In' by All Time Low stuck in my head all day because its my ringtone for messages. I love the song. It reminds me of a rockstar. Like, the fame, the lights, the smoke machine (lol)......
I sort of had an argument today. =/
Not the highlight of my day I suppose.
I can't wait for tomorrow. I'll finally be able to hang out with my friends and possibly just forget about the world for a moment or two.

Okay, I'm bored. So before I write some other totally random stuff. I should stop. =/

Kate Voegele. (: She's got an awesome voice and wicked guitar skills.

MOOD: Impatient. Bored.
CURRENT SONG: "Dani California" by Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Tuesday

You Dance Under the Question Mark.

So today is another day. I'm actually surprised I'm up at this time because I slept at like, 5.40am this morning so please, an applause.
Lol.

Raya was okay. I didn't get to see a cow getting slaughtered though (how morbid of me). Sash did. I like her analogy, "The blood was spurting everywhere like in Sweeney Todd."
That made me laugh like crazy. I saw the bloody dead carcasses in pieces though which in my opinion, looks weird. Like those animal rugs you'll find on the floor of a antique loving old maid. Again, that was really random.

On a less morbid side.....
Baizura is back!
Oh thank God, I nearly cried when she called me because I missed her so much. Lol. Yes, I'm pathetic. Go away.
Anyway, I'll be going over to Sash's house tomorrow for a sleepover with Baizura, Myra and of course her. Lol. Sleepovers aren't gay if you're not sleeping like, in your underwear or something. =.=
That is a very disturbing thought.

Anyway, I've been listening to 'Bang the Doldrums' by Fall Out Boy like crazy for some reason. The song makes me want to turn into Daniel Humphrey from Gossip Girl (like the one in the BOOKS not the tv series. The one in the series just messes with my imagination =.=). It makes me want to dye my hair a lighter shade of brown, cut my hair into a shaggy hairstyle, wear nothing but ripped cargo pants and T-shirts from the Salvation Army store, write morbid and dark poems about dying (dying of boredom, dying of love, dying of anxiety....going to sleep and never waking up, all that crap), be jaded, drink black instant coffee with spoonfuls of sugar and chain smoke unfiltered Camel cigarettes. Although I have a really strong feeling Divya might kill me if I start smoking.
Okay, not feeling, I KNOW she'll kill me. Or send me to rehab. =S
Nah, I don't really want to deal with the bad breath and yellow teeth anyway, the natural side effects of smoking. Blergh. Give me a shiny white Colgate smile and minty breath any day.
Okay, cut the smoking bit. I like the idea of drinking black coffee with lots of sugar though. So much until my hand shakes from the caffeine!
The only problem is, coffee makes me feel like puking something nasty. Hey, I'm all up for latte but only if its laced with caramel and if its from Starbucks. Besides, I'm more of tea kind of girl anyway. I think I should've been born English instead of Malaysian.
But oh well, least I have awesome best friends to lean on.

I think I'm just in the point of my life where I want to rebel. Cultivate that image of a dark mysterious person, with long billowing hair, dark eyeliner, black nail polish and wearing that gorgeous white Burberry trench coat with a pair of trashy pointy black biker boots with skinny heels.
Or maybe I'm just in love with the idea of dressing up in different outfits and playing a different character each day. (:
Oh yes, yes, yes.
I think that's it.
Ah, I'll have it all one day. In the mean time, I'll just get those Famous Stars and Straps shirts from F.O.S.
AND, and, and....save the money to get those Macbeth shirts.

OMG. Tom Delonge.

Ha ha ha. The last I checked they cost about RM90 which will definitely burn a hole in my wallet. DOH. No salary yet. I'm supposed to be getting a big, big mint at the end of December but who knows?
That might go into the donation fund called, 'Get-Natasha-A-Macbook'. Oh yeah, my parents are only paying for half of it so I've got to come up with 2K on my own. Niiiiice......

So I seriously think I should find something to eat before my stomach does something drastic. =S

Adriana Lima. (:

MOOD: Hungry.
CURRENT SONG: "Don't Know Why" by McFly.

Monday, 8 December 2008

Sunday

Tagged

I found this on Divya's blog and I couldn't resist. (:

Are you more confrontational or avoid-problems-at-all-costs?
Avoid-problems-at-all-costs. I hate confrontations. But sadly, I have to deal with them anyway.

When's the last time you screamed?
Uhm....forgot.

Do you know any foreign languages?
Does BM count?

How many times have you read twilight?
Twice.

What perfume do you wear, if any?
Rush by Gucci (very RARELY) and this other Gucci perfume, not sure what its called. And another one by Anna Sui. Again, I don't know what its called.

What was the last word you wrote down?
Smiled. I was writing a story.

Who did you see at lunch today?
Nathan Scott, Lucas Scott, Haley Scott, Peyton Sawyer, Brooke Davis, Jamie Scott, Skills and Mouth. I was watching One Tree Hill. LOL.

Do you shop at KMart?
Nooo....

Do you know your dad's birthday?
Somewhere in June. Lol.

Where did you get the shirt you are wearing?
Its a hand-me-down from my Dad. Harley Davidson shirt. Lol.

Have you ever learned all the words to a commercial song?
Lol. Sash, Myra and I sang them in the car back from my birthday dinner!

How many piercings do you have?
One on each earlobe. I want to get my navel pierced though. =.=

Do you have good posture?
Not bad I suppose.

Are you good with kids?
Above the age of 8, I think I'm pretty okay. Below.....I have no idea what to do with them.

What was the last thing you said?
“Uuurggghhh....kacau la..."

What is the oldest someone has guessed you are?
25. Like PSSSSHHH.....

What was your favorite movie as a kid?
The Prince of Egypt. (:

What was the scariest thing that happened today?
I realized that there's approximately 20 days left until PMR results are coming out.

Where did your parents get the idea for your name?
Natasha Nadiah.
A singer. An actress.
End of story.

Are you right or left handed?
Righty!

What is your favorite place to get pizza?
Dominoes. Pizza Hut. And this shop near my old Kumon centre called 'Satay Vrs. Pizza' or something like that.

What is your favorite type of movie?
Comedy. Horror. Chick flicks. Thriller.

Name three things you want to do before you die.
1) Highlight my hair five different colours in one shot. (:
2) Tell him how I feel.
3) Have a successful and famous recording label.

Do you keep a journal or diary?
I used to. Now it's blogging all the way.

Have you ever had champagne?
Nope. I've read descriptions of people who have. Lol.

Do you wear lipgloss?
Yeah.

Where did you get the shoes you have on?
Barefoot right now.

What is the closest red thing to you?
The computer chair.

Are you allergic to anything?
Don't think so.

Do you own any boxed sets of DVDs?
One Tree Hill (season 5).

Find the book closest to you. Turn to page 38. Type line 13.
'Discuss the importance of organization, implementation and control within the marketing planning process.' - Principles and Practice of Marketing by David Jobber.

What is your favorite fruit?
Mangos.

How many pirates do you know?
Sash and the dude who sells the DVD's near Giant in Kelana Jaya.

Do you have a dog?
Nope.

How about a cat?
She's on permanent vacation at Sash's house.

What color is your hair naturally?
Brown.

If you've seen the Twilight movie, did you notice Stephenie Meyer in it?
Nooo... O.O she was in it?

What was the last song you sang?
'Dare You To Move' by Switchfoot.

Have you ever been in a choir?
Yes. It was fun. (:

Quick! Think of a word that starts with M.
McFly!!!!!! *screams*

Do you like Chinese food?
Absolutely love it.

What's the last thing you regret doing?
Not writing my story tonight.

Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
Meh.

Showers: morning or night?
Morning and night.

Do you wear make-up?
Sometimes.

In your opinion, are interacial marriages ok?
Yeah, why not?

Do you still sleep with a stuffed animal?
I don't sleep with them. They're just there on my bed. They being Cupido (thanks Div and Mel!) and Charco.

What color are your eyes?
Brown

Are you homeschooled?
Nope. I wonder how that'll be though.

What are you trying to change about yourself?
My complete ignorance about Latin. I'm trying to teach myself. Lol.

If you went to New York City today, what would you do?
Oh Hell. I would shop until I've maxed out every single credit card my parents and my grandparents own. Then I'd use up my entire savings. (:

Have you ever considered colored contacts?
Yes.

How many people have the ability to make you cry?
Everyone I know has the ability to make me cry. It just depends on why and how.

Do you have an accent? If so, what is it?
Malaysian accent?

Have you ever liked someone younger than you?
Yup.

Who messages you the most?
Satyan?
Sash?

Does it bother you when people exaggerate?
I find it funny instead.

Have you ever hurt someone you love?
Yes.

Who was your first celebrity crush?
LOL. I think it was Josh Hartnett..... Pearl Harbour. (:

Do you wear your hair up or down?
It depends.

I tag:
1) Myra
2) Latifah
3) Trisher
4) Mira

Sunday, 7 December 2008

Sunday

Tagged by MYRA

The rules:
Link to your tagger and post these rules. List (8) random facts about yourself and tag (8) people.

Myra's tag is on your right. Anyway...

1) I want to get pink highlights in my hair.
2) I believe in ghosts.
3) I aspire to be like Peyton Sawyer from One Tree Hill (SEASON 5)
4) Follow up of number 3, I want to have my own recording label someday.
5) My toothbrush is pink and white.
6) I don't shower in my bathroom even though there's a shower. I use my parent's bathroom instead which has a heater.
7) I always put lip balm on before I go to bed in an air-conditioned room.
8) I've been listening to Sum 41 for the past four hours.

Tag: 1. Sandra

2. Melissa

3. Crazy Daisy

4. Andrea.

5. Him.

6. Her.

7. Lydiya.

8. Jen Yeen.

-You-

First Name - Natasha. Well technically Nur. But wtf....

Nickname - Tash, Nat, Poynter.

Name you wish you had - Roxanne Delonge!!! :D

What do people normally mistake your name as - It's hard for them to mistake it. It's a pretty common name.

Birthday - 26th November

Birthplace - Gleneagles Hospital, Pulau Pinang.

Time of Birth - 7 p.m-ish...

Single or taken - .....

Zodiac sign - Sagittarius

-Your Appearance-

How tall are you - If Mye is 160cm. I'm either same or 159cm.

Wish you were taller - Hell, yeah!

Eye color - Brown? Dark brown?

Eye color you want - GREEN! Like Nathaniel Archibald's. Lol.

Natural Hair color - Brown.

Current Hair color - Been the same for the past 15 years.

Ever dye your hair a bizarre color - Nope. I want to! But just highlights.

Last time you did something dramatic with your hair - Uhm.....two months ago? Rebonding or in other words, chemically straightened my hair. It's finally POKER STRAIGHT. =D Ngeee...

Glasses or contacts - Contacts. But forced to glasses. =.=

Do you wear make-up - Occasionally. I want that Benefit Bad Gal Lash mascara in Black!!! Grrr.....

Ever had hair extensions - Nope. Blonde ones might be amazing though.

Paint your nails - Yup. Mostly black. And mostly on my left hand only. Tom Delonge and Dougie Poynter much? :)

-In the opposite gender-

What color eyes - Green/Blue/Brown/Grey/Aqua....It doesn't matter. I love 'em all.

What color hair - Blondie like Dougie. LOL. Naaah....It doesn't matter actually.

Shy or Outgoing - A bit of both.

Sexy or Cute - Sexy.

Serious or Fun - He knows the times to have fun and the times to be serious.

Older or Younger than you - Definitely older. Same age also can.

A turn on - Navel hair (Dougie....Dougie....Dougie....) and shoulder blades.

A turn off - He wears more eyeliner than me.

-This or that-

Flowers or Chocolates - Chocolates

Pepsi or Coke - Pepsi.

Rap or Rock - BOTH.

Relationship or One night stand - Obvious answer: RELATIONSHIP.

School or Work - School is work.

Love or Money - Love

Movies or Music - Music

Country or City - City

Friends or Family - My friends are my family. My family are my friends. Well, my Mum is anyway. (:

-Have you ever-

Lie - *starts singing 'Lies' by McFly* Uhm, yeah.

Stole something - Yeah. I think so.

Smoked - Once. A stupid act of rebelling.

Hurt someone close to you - Yes.

Broke someone's heart - Yes.

Had your heart broken - Yes.

Wondered what was wrong with you - Hell yes....

Wish you were a prince/princess - Lol. I wished I was famous. Not a princess.

Liked someone who was taken - Bleeeehhh....

Shaved your head - Yeah, you know. When I was a baby. =S

Used chopsticks - If you call using chopsticks, stabbing the food with it. Then yes.

Sang in the mirror to yourself - It's fun!

-Favorites-

Flower - Orchids. Purple. Pink. (:

Candy - Candy Canes! And not the cherry ones (sorry Sandra).

Song - Right now, its 'Whoa Oh (Me vs. Everyone)' by Forever The Sickest Kids. Thanks Myra!

Scent - Rush by Gucci.

Color - Red. Purple. Black.

Movies - 21, Grind, Troy, Just My Luck...lots and lots!

Singer - Dougie Poynter because when he does actually sing, he's so SO SO SO cute. (:

Word - Right now I think its 'sial'. Thanks to Sash.

Junk food - TimeOut. (:

Website - YouTube! Blogger. Lol.

Location - London. (:

Animal - Cats (domestic and wild), killer whales, foxes.

-Misc-

Ever cried over someone - Yes.

Is there anything you wish you could change about yourself - Yes. The ability to play the guitar better.

Do you think you're attractive - Hardly.

If you had to choose a fairytale as your life what would you choose - Sleeping Beauty. Waking up to a kiss by a handsome prince? Yes, please!

Do you play any sports - I used to be in relay races. Now it's mostly tennis and badminton (occasionally).

Sunday

TAGGED

I've been tagged like F-ing crazy so I'm going to do them all, like, now. Bahaha...
This bottom one is from Divya.

RULES:

* You must answer everything

* Have to be honest…no lying

* Answer exactly what the question asked you

* You CANNOT tag the person that tagged you.

Best Friends:

1. Who are your best friends?
Sandra, Divya, Melissa, Myra, Baizura and Sash. Six DAMMIT. Go away. I love them all.

2. Why is he/she/it your best friend?
Because together we're a force of nature. (:

3. Your impressions towards that friend?
Those friends. They're awesome. I love them. And I think they love me too. :D

4. How long have you all been best friends?
Sandra = Since form 1
Divya = Since form 1
Melissa = Since form 2
Myra = Since form 2
Baizura = Middle of form 1
Sash = Since form 2

5. Is he/she retarded at times?
We have our moments.

Who Is Your Most…(max: 2!)
Before I start this part, let me just say that it is very hypocritical of the person who created this to allow me only a maximum of 2 for each title. So, I hope I don't offend or hurt anyone... ='(

6. Loyal friend : Uhm.....Damn this is hard. Sandra and Divya I guess. No wait....They're all loyal. How can I pick? =.="

7. Funniest friend : They're all funny with the perfect capability to make me laugh.

8. Smartest friend : Choih. Sandra.

9. Retarded friend : They're all retards. (:

10. Weirdest friend : Baizura! Lol.

11. Best looking friend : Myra. She's hawt. *woooot*

12. Disgusting friend : Eh, I think I'd win this title.

13. Silliest friend : Trisher Tiew. Again, hands down.

14. Athletic friend : Nadia M. Oh hell, she's got everything down.

15. Outstanding friend : Hell, I could never choose. They're each amazing in their own special way.

Friends:
16. Do you have lots of friends?
I'll leave that up to you.

17. Why you don’t/do have a lot of friends?
I think because it's hard for people to understand me sometimes.

18. Is it you that causes friends to hate you?
Ha ha ha. I think it's more of, takes them a while to understand.

19. Do you have any enemies?
Meh, how should I know?

20. Why is she/he your enemy?
Because I'm effing awesome. :P

21. Do you wish you guys didn’t start arguing?
I don't do well in arguments. =.=

22. Did you made a mistake that caused you to ALMOST lose a friend?
Yes, once.

23. Are you a good friend?
I don't think I am.

More than friends :
24. Did you have a crush on your “friend”?
Bahaha....I did.

25. Who is he/she?
Nicholas Chong Guan Ting!!! LOL. (: Awww....Nick, I miss you!

26. Do you have a bf/gf?
Uhm....ah...haaa....

28. Have you ever broken up with them cause of something stupid?
It was always the other way around.

29. How old are you?
Fifteen.

30. How old is your bf?
21. PSSSSHHH....

31.Do you think is right to have one at this age?
Well, there's no harm in trying. In my opinion, guys are like clothes. You've got to try some to know which fits you the most.

32. Are you desperate in having one?
Bleh.

33. Do you think you’re in love?
I think so. But it's not with who you think...

34. Do you enjoy not being single?
*shrugs* The euphoria of a new relationship is nice.

35. Did your life change because of him/her?
Yeah, pretty much.

36. Is he/she the best thing that ever happened to you?
It hasn't happened yet!! =.=

I choose to tag :
1) Myra
2) Trisher
3) Andrea

Sunday

I Can Show You, I'll Be The One.

I'm obsessed with Famous Stars and Straps right now. I think mostly because I bought the shirt from FOS.
YES!!!
They actually have Famous Stars and Straps in Malaysia and I almost died when I saw it (out of shock mind you). That day was awesome. Went to see Twilight with Sash. Went to FOS before the movie to see the Hurley shirts that they had stocked (again, another big shock for me). We saw a couple of Vans shirts but I can't stop raving about the Famous Stars and Straps. I loved every one of them and I would've bought all if I had the cash to spare.
Anyway, we were so distracted by the shirts we nearly missed the beginning of the movie.
Lol.
Then we went to Speedy and I found the original 21 DVD (yeah, yeah.....I know piracy stinks but I hardly go to the movies okay?) and I nearly fainted at the price. 70 bucks I tell you.....
I threw conscience to the winds and bought it though. (:
I'm sure my Mum will freak when she finds out. =S
No, she hasn't found out yet. That was what, last Saturday?

So....the reason for my 'silence'.
I've been in Penang (lol. Yep. Again.) this time round with my family and then went back to my Dad's hometown in Kelantan.
Penang was okay. Stayed in Park Royal Hotel just behind the night bazaar (sadly I didn't go though! I made Mum promise me for the rest of the Famous Stars and Straps shirts though...Hahaha). We didn't really go anywhere. Just spent the two days there in the hotel itself. Lazing around the pool and beach.
I went para sailing!!!!
Which is amazing. (:
The sights from up there was really........something.
For ten minutes, it felt like I was flying. It was peaceful too. With nothing but the wind in your ears and hair. It felt like I was free, all my problems, all my sadness.....Left on the ground as I soared.
I was afraid at first because I was afraid I'd freeze or something and never get back down but it was an awesome experience. (:

Lazed around at the pool. Watched the hot guys passing by. =)
I think shoulder blades are so sexy. Especially if they're on a hot guy. =P
I missed someone alot though. So much that it got me feeling depressed and forced me to hide away in my room during the second day when my parents and sisters went to the beach again. =S

Went to Kelantan after that. The journey was freakishly long and we passed by Baling, Kedah. Yeah, where they had the 'pertemuan Baling'.
My Dad was arguing with me because he kept saying it was 'perjanjian'. And my Mum didn't know he Chin Peng was. =.=
If you're a form 3 student and you didn't know Chin Peng was, I swear to God, go get your history book and read up! It's the whole reason Malaysia's politics are so crappy right now.
But just to save you some time if you're not a form 3 student (obviously, like my Mum), Chin Peng was the Secretary General of the Communist Party of Malaya.
Aiyets?
Moving on....

Kelantan was thankfully dry. Since it's the monsoon season, there's been floods almost every where especially in Pasir Mas (my Dad's hometown) but when we arrived it was hot. It began to rain on the day we were leaving though. It was so cold that while we were passing by the forests in Jeli and Gerik (don't know your Geography? Go read) that there were fogs!
It was a nice experience.
Being in the car, all wrapped up in my hoodie and just watching the pure whiteness of the fog. It felt like we were the only ones in the world.
You could barely even see the road.
Pictures are on my Facebook. If it ever uploads though. =.=

Reached home exhausted. My Mum bought pizza and even though it was pepperoni with stuffed crust (cheese), I went straight to bed. The last five nights had been absolutely horrible!
You would think that sleeping in a hotel room without your parents would be peaceful but my sister (Elly) bunked with me and she SNORES.
No kidding.
It was so irritating and so, so, SO LOUD. It sounded like Shriek.
So I had to endure that for two nights.
Then the last three nights, I was sleeping beside my other sister (Sarah) and she apparently does karate or some shit in her sleep.
She would not stop kicking and punching me in her sleep. Painful nights.
=.=

But I'm home now. Dreading tomorrow, to be perfectly honest. I've made up my mind. I don't think I can change it even if I wanted to. I'm afraid of what might happen. But even more afraid if I don't do something about it.
I think I'm making the right decision though. At least, I think so.
Anyway, it's also Raya tomorrow. No plans though. 'Cept for morning prayers and then breakfast at my Grandma's. Gonna spend the rest of the day preparing myself. =S
I know I'm not making sense now. But hopefully I will....