The Morning After

Uhhh..... *flops in exhaustion in front of the computer*
Rough morning. Very, very rough morning.

Tuning To: 'Love Me For A Reason' by Boyzone

*relaxes a bit*
Woke up this morning by the screams of my two totally insane younger sisters (I swear, they have some genetic disorder). I stayed in bed trying to go back to sleep but eventually the need to piss took over and I really needed a shower so I got up and walked out of bedroom (I hate showering in my own bathroom cos there's no heater) and then jumped about a foot in the air when I saw this giant ass roach dead right in front of my door. Front and centre. *shudders*
Gurh.
So I had to take an alternate exit out of my room (through my bathroom, to my sister's room and out into the second living room) and then I had awful cramps all morning. Dragged out by my Mum to go and get breakfast. It was tiring and then Sarah had to go and step in some poo so the whole car stank and there was this icky green-brown thing all over the carpets in the car. T.T

Yeah. Not a good morning. It's only 12 something but all I want to do is crawl back into bed. Preferably with Albert but that's not going to happen so I'll just have to settle with the IKEA pillows.

I'm kinda worrying at the moment. Mostly because I applied to be a BETA on Perfect Imagination (the beta group for Mugglenet.com) and I'm not sure if I'll be able to past the test. Urrgghhh.....I really want this, because I have really limited time these days to write my own stories (what with PMR coming up). So I might as well be helping some other writers with their own works. Besides, I haven't done anything remotely 'fan fiction-y' in a while. Especially something to do with Harry Potter. I'm really excited. (:
But first, I gotta past the test!!!!
It seems like all I do these days is take tests or exams or pop quizzes.......
The life of a form 3 student in Malaysia.

I love writing. Well duh, it's kind of obvious. Hence why I started this blog. I do have a vlog on YouTube but it's been ages since I updated that. I really don't have the time to get the right lighting in my room anymore (mid-afternoon). Most days (now that school has begun), I'm always out or if not, I'm in tuition (no complaints there) but it does cut into the time where I could be vlogging. Oh well, I prefer the written words anyway.

Right. I've got this sudden urge to read some fanfiction. Or to do something with writing or reading. Soooo.....you know the drill.
Speaking of reading.....I need to study for a Geography test today. o.O
I TOLD YOU ALL I'M DOING IS TAKING TESTS!!!

I Missed Him Today

Trisher and I are talking about how she should put herself on Wikipedia. Which will be sort of cool. Don't put your whole damn life story la dear. Oh wait, it's YOUR page. Okay, never mind. Go ahead and do whatever you like with it.

Anyway, today didn't turn out to be such a good day. Explanation is too long. To sum it up, Albert wasn't in tuition which got me worrying. Then my heart kept doing this thing where it felt like it wanted to throw itself out the window and onto the cemented sidewalks down below every time someone mentioned his name. Which was a lot considering Albert's popularity in class. I think Miss Nirmala herself asked about him like four times (on different occasions of course).

I guess I was being more than a little annoying during History. It was more or less cos we were sitting so close to Sobana and she was just being herself (in other words, very damn pissing annoying) so I retaliated in a way which I think annoyed Sandra more than it annoyed Sobana. =/
Talk about wrong target!

Anyhoo....that was a brief summary of today. Not really in the mood to continue writing.

My Sky Has Turned Vanilla

Sri Aman is on Wikipedia? o.O
Something I never knew.

Am currently doing a powerpoint presentation for Geography. Not really going anywhere with it. Mye, I need those cue cards for BM presentation. Or do I get it from Aishah? I don't know. Just give me whatever I need to memorize and I'll say it. You guys are the puppet masters. Hmmm...
Geography presentation is going pretty slow. Speaking of Geo, there's a test for tuition tomorrow. Gah....so not in the mood for any tests. I hope we don't do any today. O.O

My brain is still half asleep. It thinks I'm still in form 2, therefore I do not need to take anything seriously. Grrrrrr......
My tummy hurts. I wonder how anyone got the word 'tummy' out of stomach. This is random. I know.

I like reading Latifah's blog. It gets me thinking about lots of things. Half the time, I think we're all a bunch of 47 year olds trapped in bodies of fifteen year old kids. Tom is right. I'll respect any adult who can maintain being a kid his entire life.

Oh and cures for a bad day:
1. Talk it out with your best buds.
2. Eat comfort food (i.e. fav ice-cream, chocolates....)
3. Listen to 'comfort music' (My personal choices are Blink 182, McFly, +44, Angels and Airwaves, Faber Drive, Emery, Fightstar and Velvet Revolver)
4. Watch YouTube videos (give old Blink 182 interviews a spin or if that doesn't work.... click on this link --> www.youtube.com/charlieissocoollike)
5. Read a romance novel (I would recommend 'The Wedding' by Danielle Steel or 'Someone Like You' by Cathy Kelly).

Pick and choose your own personal combination.
Rinse and repeat as needed. (:

I love dark humour. Sometimes people just don't get why. Hell, even I don't. I just love 'em. David Letterman makes me laugh so hard.
Right. I should continue on with my work (with occasional 'advertisements' in between).

Shoot Me.

I have to go to school tomorrow.
It's a Saturday.
I just made a long speech about not going to school tomorrow in front of my friends.
I actually smiled tonight (it's gone now thank you very much).
I hate that stupid bitch that's forcing me to go.

Screw you.

Asylum of Mind

A brief saga of how my week went since I last blogged.

Wednesday

Slept late the night before and therefore felt like shit when I woke up. The day passed by uneventfully (from what I can remember). All I knew was that I was freaking nervous because they would be telling us our taekwondo results on that day during practice and my heart felt like it was competing in a marathon. Soon, that moment came and things weren't made any better when my coach said that there were several people whom failed their exams. *pale face* So they started off with the white belts and yadda yadda yadda.....and finally green 2. And I was freaking out cos they didn't mention my name but finally, FINALLY, they did and guess what?

I passed.

Thursday

They day that I've been dreading mostly because I'm not in anything. Sports Day. Woke up, went to school and saw lots of bright colours. Mostly red, blue, green and yellow (duh, the four houses). I got scared (I know, I know) because everyone was just every where and there was no order of things. So I did the most sensible thing that came to mind, which was go to the gallery. My instincts just told me to and even though there were loads of people sort of milling around in the gallery, I sort of zeroed in on Sandra and found her right in the midst of the crowd looking like a lost soul. Then she had to leave for aerobics (I think that's what they call 'senam robik' in English) because she was representing Yellow House for that (as well as a bunch of other people) and I more or less drifted around the place until Sash found me. Then we went over to the tents........I still don't get Red House's theme by the way. I know it has something to do with Victorians. I think. Sandra and I came with a conclusion that it might be because, 'Victorious Victorians' or something like that. All I know, the mascot that was marching with Red House was a girl wearing a red Victorian dress which looked pretty damn cool. I'm into those pouffy dresses okay?
Then I just sat in the tent and hung out with Baizura, Sandra, Myra and Sash. At one point, when everybody had gone to attend to something and left me, Baizura and a junior of our's.....They (Bai and the junior) got bored and decided to have some fun painting my face with sun block. It (the sun block) was cold. And I felt like Dougie Poynter during the 'Don't Stop Me Now' video shoot when Danny put the sun block all over Dougie's mouth. =/
Blue house won the entire thing.
Whoop-de-doo.
Red House got second.

Friday

Really didn't want to go to school today but my Dad forced me into it. I slept early but when I woke up I still felt like one of the zombies from the 'Thriller' video clip. Yeah, the ones where the arms are falling off. Pn. Gohilah didn't come in (yay) and the prefects have gone on their special prefect's camp. Yep, there's school tomorrow but I'm not going! Sorry but the only way you can get me to come is if you paid me RM500. And that wouldn't even be a certainty. Nothing much happened today. I remember laughing, but it was mostly because of Myra, Trisher, Trishie, Maryam, Yuet Ting, Audrey and Adrinda.

That was my week since I last blogged. Oh and I forgot to mention this one little detail. Which is actually kind of a big thing since it is also contributing to my already miserable life, into an even more miserable one.
My half-brother and half-sister are staying with me until my step mum gets better from TB. My Mum feels like Hell and frankly, so do I. It's hard enough trying to cope with Elly and Sarah (the noise level is GAH) but with two other kids who are five and three respectively......it's just plain insane. You know, I'd really like some peace once I get home from my grandma's house after a long tiring day but all I get is even more screaming and crying. I need to invest on ear plugs. I know I'm petty and shallow and callous and whatever else you can think of me but I really don't give a flying fuck.
I miss being an only child.
I miss the days when my family wasn't so screwed up.
I miss the days when I could dress however I want to and not give a damn about what people thought of it.
I miss the days when I was happy.

My problem? Still not resolved.

You Can't Count on Me

Currently Listening To: 'I Will Still Love You' by 98 Degrees

So it looks like more than 50% of the form 3's skipped school today due to Sport's Day rehearsals. Are we actually going for the actual sport's day? Hmmm....we'll see.
Ha ha ha.
I'm talking to Myra online. I think we're both kinda distracted. (:
Anyway, I had a weird horny dream last night. o.O
It was surreal. No, you don't need to know who was in it. You just know. Okay, urm....like that made sense.

I woke up at about 9 something. Went downstairs to defrost some sausages for breakfast, went back upstairs to take a shower. Yeah, alone in the house. But hey, for you potential murderers or rapers out there. I know taekwondo and there's a giant ass dog living at my neighbour's house and there's 24 hour security so HAH. (:
Anyway, after showering, I grabbed a stack of 'Friends' VCD's and my History homework and went downstairs to watch the TV and finish my homework (still not finished by the way). I think Chandler (yes, Chandler, not Matthew Perry) is one of my idols. I love his sarcasm. (:
Too bad we don't really have anyone who acts like Joey around, then at least some of the sarcasm would work.

Yeah and then I went to cook those sausages and then now here I am. Right. I know, what a productive day. T.T
I've got a dentist appointment later.....tightening my braces. =/
I hate tightening my braces. They'll hurt a lot the next day. T.T
But I get to change the colour! ^.^
Mye helped me decided. I'm going to choose baby blue and black.
Can't wait, can't wait, can't wait!!!

Sorry for the weird post today. I'm not really myself. Anyway, I'm going to go and find for some amazing fashion pictures from various designers (think Michael Kors, Burberry, Calvin Klein, Dior, Chanel, Gucci, Prada) and then continue watching 'Friends'. Yes, yes, I'm on a marathon.
Note to self: Finish Art work and get a MC.

Of Today

Currently Listening To: 'What's Left of Me' by Nick Lachey

Drifting in and out of sleep last night. One moment I was dreaming, the next I woke up screaming because I thought I was dying. Then I was dreaming again, then the next I was staring at the dark ceiling above me.
Don't ask. I'm trying to figure it out too.
Anyway, eventually I woke up with Tom Delonge singing from my bedside table. Nearly late to school today but luckily, no. Not late. The gallery was crowded, as per usual. I sat with Mel during assembly. Then there was this sports meeting. Red house is currently in second place. Eh, to be honest right?
I can't careless anymore.
People who don't want to enter the sports, are in it. People who actually wants to be in the damn thing, are not in it.
Oh the irony.

Eventually got back to class, I was scolding Mel on the way to class. Long story short, she wasn't carrying her bag properly and I didn't want her to hurt something else. T.T
Then got into class, Pn. Siti Zainab was talking about our marks and then she passed around our marks. And guess what? I got 63%. Oh well, at least it's not a fail.
Myra made me smile today. Which was pretty amazing since I felt like shit. We were talking about how flash flood. And then I overheard Trishie talking to Maryam about how when she was younger, there was a massive flood and her parents didn't know what to do with her, so they put her on top of the car. And then she fell down into the water.
It was funny when she explained it.
Not when I do.
Then Trishie was talking about the big thunder last night. She said she's a deep sleeper and when the thunder woke her up, she thought her house was coming down. And then the talk moved on to something else I forgot what, but I remember something about how Trishie would be in the shower. Shampooing. And then, she'd grab a towel, wrap it around herself and run out.

Divya didn't come today.
Something in happened during recess which is slowly killing me right now.

Currently Listening To: 'End of The Road' by Boyz II Men

Again. Myra, I really don't know how I'd get through with my day without you by my side making me laugh. We kept each other busy with talking about how Miss Nirmala disapproves of Interact. About Derrick. About Wun. About Leslie. About Yao Jie. About Joel. About Theena Karan *however you spell his name*. About Yoji (is that how you spell his name Myra? :P I still think he's that character from Super Mario). And then she was sorting through her papers from her file and I said she could use my table if she wanted. Lol. Myra divided the papers into four groups: Tuition, English Crap, Exam Papers, Crap.
And then while we were talking, she was 'recycling' the crap papers into a swan, a box, a star and then I took the old paper that she had made into a boat and I put the boat on top of the swan transforming it into a sombrero.

Currently Listening To: 'A Song For Mama' by Boyz II Men

I love Boyz II Men. They make me cry. Okay, so the song doesn't fit the moment right now. But it's still Boyz II Men. They have this soothing effect about them. It's like listening to 98 Degrees. Mmmhmm...
We didn't really learn much today. Then after school I car pooled with Bai. Her driver came late so she bought an ice-cream while I bought strawberry flavoured Rocky. Yummy. It's been a while since I ate Rocky. (:

Then when she was suppose to be dropping me off at my Grandma's house, we were talking about the thing that happened during recess and she told me not to worry. But it's hard. And then she brought up something that I wanted to forget. It's not her fault though. I mean, it did involve her but I wish she'd stop mentioning it. She makes me feel guilty for no apparent reason. And yeah....
I don't know.
I'm tired of thinking. It hurts. No, no jokes about 'how I don't use my brain often that's why'. Fuck off. It has nothing to do with that.

Currently Listening To: 'The Hardest Thing' by 98 Degrees

Wish List: 98 Degrees CD
Listening to them reminds me of a time when I was carefree and happy. It seems like such a long time ago. I remember jumping into the car and singing their songs out loud. Much to my parents amusement.
I miss those days. ='

It's so hard now. This song actually fits the situation of what happened today. Well except for the verse first. That doesn't really fit. But the rest does. I think. I don't know. I'm just picturing the thing in my head and I can see it really happening which brings tears to my eyes. I've never felt so helpless.... I'd like to dedicate this to...... (wouldn't you like to know?)

Save me, I'm failing.
Catch me, I'm falling,
Take me, I'm your's.

Enveloped in velvet darkness,
Falling asleep and barely breathing,
Dreams flicker behind closed eyelids,
Drifting in and out of awareness.

Keep on wishing,
Maybe it'll come true,
Cut off my fingers,
I can't feel you. Or you.

My love for you, I carve out in stone,
In case it needs to last forever,
Hold me, trust me,
I'm listening.

A broken wish,
A fragile hope,
A delicate promise,
I'm waiting.

It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do,
To turn around and walk away,
Pretending I don't love you.

Fuck It.

I'm tired.
I'm sleepy.
I'm sick.
I'm sad.
I just wanna go to bed.

BYE

Illusions over Reality

Currently: Watching TAI TV (Cos you know what? They have over 60 something episodes and I haven't even gotten halfway through!!!)

Right. So early morning blog post. Hi, hi, hi! =D
My cat is being annoying and sticking her sharp claws into my thighs. Ouch.
She needs a bath. T.T

Anyways, with that aside.

TODAY IS MY TAEKWONDO EXAM!!!!!

Bloody shit!
I'm scared. I mean, I remember my tego *thank God* and I remember the five steps for one set sparring but....but...but......I don't know. My back thrust still sucks and gaaaaahhh....
Besides that, I'm going to miss tuition. Tuition!!
Okay, so I don't really give a damn about Geography but it is coming out in PMR therefore, I MUST give a damn about it. Besides, Albert is there. (:
*sighs*
So it's going to be another 6 more days before I'll see him again. And counting.
..............

I'm not looking forward to tomorrow actually. Well if I put it that way, I'm not looking forward to the entire week!
I mean.....we're going to have practice for Sports Day and Sports Day this week. It's not that I'm oppose to Sports Day or anything, on the contrary, I used to love Sports Day. Note: Past tense.
Why?
Because ever since I joined Sri Aman, it's like everyone has been pushing me aside and whatever potential I had in sports just seemed to vanish. I hate standing on the sidelines watching other people play. I want to be in it. So my philosophy is, 'I'm not in it. Might as well don't go for it.'
Because the only thing that I'll be allowed to join in is marching and fine, I've been in that for the last two years. And what do we do after marching? Sit in the tents and stare aimlessly at each other? They only need us for the opening ceremony and then they drop us like a useless giant bag of droppings. T.T
It's annoying.
It's not like they even acknowledge us.
Besides, this year, there's not going to be any new T-shirts and this year is going to be the final year we can choose the themes for our houses before we can't choose anymore. I'm not sure what Red House's theme is this year. They never put anything on the board! Or maybe, I just don't go there anymore. ^.^'
I wish they told us this during the last two years. Cos the last two years themes were amazing. ESPECIALLY when I was in form 1.
Ohmygod....
The theme was The Roman Empire.
Eeeeeep!!!!!
(:
Yeah, I love anything to do with Rome and/or Egypt. (:
The motto was: 'Empire of Eternal Glory'
Last year we had a Mulan theme. The T-shirt was pretty okay. The motto was: 'Resplendent Raging Red'
Mmhmm....I liked Blue House's shirt last year though. I wanted to buy but they ran out of stock. T.T

Right. The butterflies are not here yet but they'll be coming soon and I'm getting worried. Exam is at 3.30pm in Kampung Tunku *awww...I miss KT* and yeah. There's going to be a long wait because they test everyone by belt colours and what level. So first it's warming up *everyone* and then it's white belts, then yellow one, then yellow two, then green one, then green two (oh well hello, yes, I think I'm in this)......
My Mum and I were thinking if I could sit at least an hour in tuition and then head out of tuition early but since we don't really know the actual time I'm going to take the exam, we're afraid we might miss it. =S
So yeah, bye bye tuition.
I guess I have to wait until next Saturday to see you Albert. ='/

Third Post of the Day! :D

Currently Listening To: 'Pictures of You' by The Last Goodnight

Sooo.....Tuition. To sum it up? (: <3
LOL
Like that made sense.
Nah, I think we've established that I love Albert. :D He makes my heart beat faster and slower and half the time I think I'm gonna die of heart attack then I see his smile and my heart just melts altogether. Ha ha ha. Extremely mushy but true. Very true.

Currently Listening To: 'Motivation' by Sum 41

There were times when I had to fight my natural instincts to grab him and hug him. T.T How do you do this to me? Lol. Not that I mind.

Anyway, today is my Grandpappy's birthday. He's 67 this year. And I took a couple of pictures. In fact, there's a lot of pictures here. (: They said a picture is a thousand words. And since I can't think of anything else to say (except of course if you want a detailed description of how Albert makes me feel), I thought I'd post 'em up here. Enjoy!



Note to self: Never let Mum allow Elyas in your room when you still don't want to get up.



The bed side table that my Dad made for me. He says if anyone wants to buy one just like it, he'll make it for RM850.



The birthday cake for my Grandpa. Yeah, it looks retarded thanks to my youngest sister who couldn't wait to stick the knife in it. T.T

The birthday cake *again* but this time with the candles lit!! (:

My Grandpa. (: Happy 67th birthday!!!

Right. This is it....

Okay, okay. I couldn't stand not writing. The idea popped into my head when I was staring at Miss Nirmala's homework. It's a story that Sandra and I were planning to write since aaaaaages ago but we just never got round to writing it. Well, cheers Sand! This story is dedicated to you. It'll be in chapters because I honestly don't have the time to write everything in one go.

Chapter 1

The clock was ticking noisily at the front of the classroom. Estelle sighed, tapping her fingers restlessly against her school desk. A few minutes passed by....
Mrs. Hamilton was still droning on at the front of the class. Estelle glanced at her Cartier watched.
3...2....1....
BRIIINNNGG!!!!
The bell overhead rung and Estelle leaped out of her seat eager to get out of school. The day was the 30th October and usually, Estelle and a couple of her friends would just spend the night away watching horror movies and exchanging ghost stories while they waited for midnight to strike bringing Halloween along with it. She couldn't wait.

~*~

"Hey you guys." Estelle smiled as she joined her usual group of friends. Josh Green, an old friend since elementary, Erica Darnell, her best friend and Erica's boyfriend, Steven Delonge.
"Hey." They replied simultaneously. "We were just talking about tonight." Josh said, a smile on his thin red lips. "Okay. And?" Estelle raised an eyebrow as she re-tied her long brown hair into a ponytail. "Steven suggested we visit that old abandoned hospital up in Evergreen Woods. You know, for fun." Erica shrugged her shoulders. Her glossy lips gave off the faint smell of strawberries.
Estelle widened her light blue eyes. "You are joking, right?"
"C'mon Estelle, it'll be fun. Besides, what better way to spend the night? Instead of spending the night at Josh's house, we could try spending the night in the hospital." Steven said, shaking his floppy dark brown hair out of his eyes. "Because it's insane. You know that place is out of bounds. We're not allowed there." Estelle argued, folding her arms across her chest. Steven rolled his light brown eyes. "It's not like they keep an eye on that rotting building anyway. It's in the woods. Hardly anyone ever goes up there. We won't get caught." Steven said.
"Yeah Estelle, please?" Erica pleaded, her dark green eyes wide with innocence.
Estelle stared at her friend and then closed her eyes. She was going to regret this.
"Okay fine then."

The foursome decided to meet up at Estelle's house since it was the closest to their destination and take Josh's car up to Evergreen Woods. Estelle sat on her bed, still unsure if she had made the right decision. According to her parents, the old hospital was built back in the 18th century. Apparently there had been an awful plague back then and the hospital was filled with patients dying in many bizarre ways. There were cases where patients would just drown and die, despite being in their dry beds, others died from throwing up too much blood that there just wasn't enough blood left in their bodies to continue functioning, some hung themselves, some thought they could fly and jumped off the building's rooftop and there were even cases where the patients' heart would just stop beating, their eyes wide with what could only be classified as fear.
The hospital was also used during World War I but was eventually closed down after that because authorities found out that the doctors of the hospital had been performing illegal testings on some of their 'psychologically disabled' patients.
Estelle shuddered, wondering how many people have died in that very hospital and she and her friends were about to wonder around inside it........in the dark. She was brought out of her daydream by the sound of her doorbell ringing. Estelle ran down the stairs and answered the door.
"Hey. Where are you're parents?" Erica asked by way of greeting. "They're in Connecticut. I told them I'll be staying at your place tonight though." Estelle replied and then pulled her friend inside, closing the door after them. "Listen, you don't think it's too late to back out now, do you? I mean, this is crazy. We can't just go wondering about inside that.....that......place." Estelle said hurriedly.
Erica looked at Estelle pityingly and placed a hand on Estelle's shoulder. "Are you scared or something?" Erica asked, her piercing green eyes looking right into Estelle's eyes.
"N-no.....Who said anything about being scared? I was just.......I was just making sure that you wanted to go as well." Estelle said trying to mask the fear in her voice. Erica raised a perfectly plucked eyebrow but said nothing. Suddenly Erica's cell phone began to ring and the sound of a cat mewing filled the air. Erica glanced at the screen and looked up, grinning. "The guys are outside. Come on!" Erica pulled on Estelle's hand and dragged her out of the house.

"You girls ready?" Josh asked, his raven coloured hair had been gelled back making him look like a mini-Count Dracula with his think blood-red lips and dark eyes. "Yep!!" Erica said excitedly and sat beside her boyfriend in the backseat of the Honda. Estelle nodded and got into the passenger seat beside Josh. She glanced up at her house, a disturbing feeling seeped into her chest. Why was it that she felt like the next time she would return to her house, everything wouldn't be the same anymore?

~*~

They had already been in the car for over an hour now, the skies above them were rapidly darkening when they finally reached the hospital located at the heart of Evergreen Woods. The hospital loomed in front of them, dark and foreboding. The tall gates surrounding the hospital were rusted and covered with ivy. Josh slowly stopped the car right in front of the gates and cut the engine. "Well, we're here." Josh said. "Oh, this is so cool." Steven said getting out of the car. Estelle closed her eyes and took a deep breathe. 'Everything will be fine. It's just a hospital. No one is in there. No one is in.......there.'. Estelle's eyes snapped open, an uneasy feeling wrapped around her heart as she glanced at the hospital's tall Gothic windows. She thought she saw something move inside. Estelle shook her head. It couldn't be. The hospital had been empty for decades now. She told herself it was just her mind playing tricks on her as she got out of the car and walked where Steven, Erica and Josh were already standing in front of the gate.
"The night is on our side. Look." Steven pointed out to Estelle the broken padlock on the gate. Estelle smiled thinly. "Well, what are we doing out here? Let's go!" Josh pushed the gate open with a loud creak and stepped onto the hospital grounds.

The name of the hospital was on a plaque covered by ivy.
"Ivy Hope Hospital." Erica read, pushing the ivy away. Estelle thought about the irony of it when her thoughts were interrupted by Steven and Josh whom somehow managed to get the main entrance doors to open. "Hey, hurry up." Steven gestured to the girls to enter. "Why are we hurrying?" Estelle asked. "Duh. What if someone sees us?" Steven replied. "Didn't you say that hardly anyone ever comes up here?" Estelle said. "Well yeah, but just to be safe." Steven said as Estelle walked past him and into the hospital with Erica and Josh. "That's stupid. Josh parked the car right in front of the gates. Even if we're not wondering around on the grounds, they'll still know we're here." Estelle rolled her eyes. Steven didn't answer and walked after them. The foursome found themselves in a large reception area. From what Estelle could make out, the long wooden desk was covered in layers of dust and there were still a couple of yellowing books on the shelf behind the desk.
Suddenly out of no where, the door that Steven had left open, closed cutting out their only light source and plunging everyone in deep velvet darkness.
Estelle couldn't hear her friends anymore.
"You guys?" Her voice rang in the darkness.
Small and alone.

Ooohhh.....cliff hanger. (: Well that's it for now. Sorry for the lack of imagination and urm....any wrong grammar. I think I need to recharge the batteries for my imagination. Anyway, comments?
(:

Mum and Dad posses the key.....Instant slavery. T.T

Currently Listening To: 'First Date' by Blink 182

A question that Albert asked me popped up in my head this morning the moment I listened to Blink 182. He asked me if I was into black metal.
BAHAHAHAHA.....
Sorry, sorry. It's just extremely funny. No, no. I'm not into black metal. It's just, Box Car Racer songs are generally like that. I love guitars. Hence why most songs I listen to have a large amount of electric guitar. Although, I do like screamo. o.O
EMERY!!!!!
Wheeeeee......
I've got Constantine in my head now for some reason. *la la la* I wanna watch Cloverfield. Let's watch Cloverfield!!!

Right, don't mind me. It's Saturday and I'm stressing out. Why? Because I'm trying to write chapter 3 of my story for the school bulletin. So far? It's crap. And you know what else? Today is the deadline. T.T
Argh, damn it. I knew I shouldn't have said 'yes' to becoming a regular writer there. But everyone kept asking me for a sequel to 'Friendship Bracelet' and well....now I'm stuck writing what could be called 'The Saga of Natasha and Dougie'. I'm freaking out. And now you're probably staring at the screen like O.O and screaming at the screen, "Well?! What are you doing writing here?!?! GET BACK TO YOUR STORY YOU CRAZY WOMAN!!!"
I would, I'm just having this slight difficulty called......writer's block.
It's equivalent to cancer for any writers.
Gah.
I'm trying to write another story in the mean time as well, for the school year book. It's actually a joint effort. Trisher and I are writing together but so far, Trisher seems to be the one that's doing most of the writing.

Currently Listening To: 'Go' by Blink 182

I want to continue her writing! But I just don't know what to say. The setting is in 18th century England (of course ;]) and it's about these two people.....
Hang on, I can't write everything here! It will totally ruin the plot! HA HA HA.
Ohmygod.....
Elly is crying her freaking eyes out because she doesn't want to go to tuition. What shit la....I loved Smart Readers! It was extremely fun. And now she's ruining the day with her extremely loud sobbing. I really need to invest on a pair of ear plugs.

Currently Listening To: '[Untitled Track]' by Blink 182

This song reminds me of Chee Hoe and I. A long, long time ago. Okay, last year to be exact. I don't know. I'm guessing it's the lyrics. People should listen to the lyrics more than just care about the tunes of the song. I mean okay, the tunes are important too. But the lyrics are......the words.
Gee Natasha, what a great explanation. T.T
Anyway, that's why I love listening to Blink 182, Box Car Racer, Angels and Airwaves, +44, McFly, Faber Drive and The Academy Is so much. Because their lyrics are just plain meaningful. They really get inside your head and make you think. You know?

Currently Listening To: 'I'm Lost Without You' by Blink 182

I tried playing this on my acoustic guitar (stop calling it 'classical'. There's a proper name for it and it's 'acoustic') and so far.....? It's pretty okay. I don't know. It's one of those rare slow Blink 182 songs. The drums on this track is so haunting. O.O
I miss Tom, Mark and Travis.
Not that they're gone. I just miss them being......together. Sure, now we have two great bands but it's not the same. I guess. I don't know. But I don't want to stand in the way of Tom's dreams. He's happy with AVA now. So I guess, I should be happy too. Not that I matter in this whole thing. But Tom Delonge is my idol. One of my idols. So you get where I'm going with this yeah?

RIGHT. I have NOT finished Miss Nirmala's homework. So I should probably go and finish it. The thing is. I have no clue how to factorise. T.T
GAH
Pn. Chan.....how come you never thought is that in form 2????

I wanna watch

- 'Grind' again.
Sash! Let's!! (:

Currently Listening To: 'Seein' Red' by Unwritten Law

Thank god for Friday! Wanna know why? Because tomorrow is a weekend! Not only that..... tomorrow is a Saturday. I think we all know the significance of it. (:
Muahaha.....
Anyway, today was like crap. And even more crap. Why? Because this morning, they announced on the PA system that the field games were going to be held that morning. I was like, "WTF?!"
Cos I told my mum I'm staying back and yeah, now I needed to find for transport back. So first I ran all the way to Bai's class only to find out she has tuition later, and I really wanted to hang out with her but I don't want to disturb her. >.<
So then I ran to 3 Hormat and heeey.....Sash is my saviour! (:
Anyway, I was barely paying attention in Agama. Then we had Geography and Myra beat me by one mark. In our theory exam. We still have formative marks and sooo....the total results? She's higher than me obviously.
I got 74%. T.T
One more freaking mark to an 'A'. Bloody Hell.

During Geography, I had to excuse myself for shot put. Ha ha ha. Here comes the funny part. I changed, and went to the muddy field. Yes, muddy field. My school field turn into total crap after it rains. T.T So in a matter of seconds, I got mud all over my shirt, pants and hands. About 15 minutes later, the 'judges' came and guess what?
My name got cancelled off!!
Why?
Because I didn't come on Tuesday when they had the first round!!
T.T T.T T.T
GAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!

Pissed, isn't even the word. Anyway, I just swallowed it and walked back to class. Changed. Headed to the Science lab. Pn. Mary was talking about test tube babies. And birth control. Then Trisher noticed that one of the birth control packages looked like Panadol. And she asked teacher if that was a birth control pill. Pn. Mary said yes. Then Trisher went, "OHMYGOD!!! All this while I've been taking birth control pills!!!"
LOL
Recess, Sandra, Divya, Melissa and I were talking about dares. Divya was unsure if she wanted to do the dare I suggested to her. You poor, poor nasi lemak addict.

Currently Listening To: 'Don't Know Why' by McFly

Then Mel said she wanted to take up on the dare (the dare was to not eat nasi lemak for an entire month). And I told her she couldn't. She asked why.
Me: "Because Mel, you don't eat full stop."
Mel: T.T
Mel: "What if I promise to eat during recess for 30 days?"
Sandra: "That's not fair. You'll probably just eat a cookie or something!"
Ha ha ha. Really. My recess would be extremely dull without you people.
Divya walked away from us sort of nervous and scared when she had to report for St. John's duty. Not because she was afraid of her duty, more like cos she didn't know if she could take up my dare or not. :P
No Divya, what you suggested in my CBox is not acceptable. Why? Because you hardly eat the nasi lemak in school anyway!

History was after that and Pn. Amarjeet was mostly talking about our History Assignment. The 'oh-so-important-assignment-which-the-marks-will-be-calculated-into-our-PMR-marks'.
Shitty.

Currently Listening To: 'What Went Wrong?' by Blink 182

Then we had Arts. Amazingly, I can draw pretty quickly. (: Half an hour before class was about to end, I was already painting my 'underwater scene' which consists of this giant-ass goldfish and a couple of seaweeds and a rock. Yeah, don't ask what is a goldfish doing out in the sea. I thought I was drawing some exotic fish (I was copying some seniors work) and then I showed it to teacher and she said it's a goldfish. Haaaaaiiiihhh.....
Oh, oh, oh. And there's something else I need to mention. Trisher is a rapist!!! (;
She rapped Yuet Ting's eraser and stole it's virginity. =D
This Thursday is our Sports Day.
Goodbye semi-fair skin.
Hello freakishly dark sun burnt skin. =/

Currently Listening To: 'Walking Disaster' by Sum 41

After school I had to go to the hospital cos my Mum and Dad wanted to do a chest X-ray. No, don't worry. They're fine. They just need to take some sort of medication. What made me feel 'bleeeeh' was the fact that I stayed there from about 3.00pm ~ 7.00pm.
Yup.
Four hours.
In the waiting area of SJMC ER room.
My God, I think my ass is still asleep!

Pfffftttt......Only one extremely amazing thing happened to me today. (: I'm not gonna type it out cos, well......it's just something worth keeping to myself. And Albert. And Sandra. :P
Oh, something I wrote when I was bored in the hospital today....

I looked at you,
Trying to memorize the perfection,
My love for you grew,
It was just the right chemical reaction.

Yeah, that's basically it. I tried to continue but I ended up doodling on the paper. Some awesome doodles though, even if I have to say so myself. (;

I Can't Do This All On My Own

Currently Listening To: Scrub's Theme Song




Albert has a blog!!!!!

=D
Yeah, the link is there. Go, go, go. Click, click. Read. (:





No, that's not part of the carpet. That's my cat, Phoebe. Yeah, named after the Phoebe from 'Friends'. I love her. (: She's been around since I was......four.
Damn.
She's old.
Bahahaha.....
I'm so mean.

Anyway, not looking forward to tomorrow. Not sure how I'm going to escape Arts. Then there's the shot put thing. =S
I am so not cut out for that. Seriously. I'm more of the.....long jump, high jump and running thing. Not shot put. Never shot put.

New Mission: Accomplish doing a perfect split.
No, not trying out for cheerleading. It's a little too late for that anyway. Apparently, it'll make you kick higher. So yeah.....trying to achieve this. At the moment, I'm about.....five inches from touching the floor. T.T

So yeah....it's getting late.....And I need to sleep or waking up tomorrow will be hell. =

Sleepy-ish

Currently Listening To: 'Second Chance' by Faber Drive

Sleepy.
Sleepy.
Bored.
I'm bored. Can you tell that I'm bored?
I'm bored.
There's practically no one online and the idea of school tomorrow is killing me. I really haven't got the will power to go tomorrow.....gah....double period of Agama. T.T
Speaking of which, I need to write a letter why I didn't attend today.
I still have not finished my Art work. There's little left to do for Sejarah and no, I've not touched Miss Nirmala's work. I can't even look forward to chilling out at Bai's house after school!
Cos I've got to stay back for 'field activities', yes 'acara padang', directly translated. Yeah, they changed the date cos Tuesday it was raining like crazy. Great, just great.

Currently Listening To: 'Drops of Jupiter' by Train

I wonder how can someone walk like rain. That'll be cool. Fluidly like. Or do they mean droplet like? Don't mind me, I'm not making sense.
Okay, I'm hungry.
I'm tired.
I'm stressed out.
And I miss him.
*blink blink*

Grrrrrrrrr.........

You just don’t understand how much I love you do you?

I’m here for you.

iFreakingOut

Currently Listening To: 'Second Chance' by Faber Drive

I know, I know. I should be in school but hey, my sister had a function at the same time as my school did and since hers is nearer (obviously), my Mum said I didn't have to go to my school's one. So yay!
Anyway, random blog today. I'm guessing.....I don't know. We'll see where it goes. Anyway, Dave Faber's (I really don't know what to call him, Faber is his last name and Dave is his first name, can't I just call him William seeing that's his middle name?) voice is stuck in my head. I agree with Myra, Second Chance is an awesome song. Thanks for the influence Mye! (;

I miss Melissa. LOL. I bet you thought I was going to type 'Albert' huh? Well I do, it's just been a while since I hugged Mel and I miss her. T.T
I need to learn to stop calling her 'Mellie'.....I know she hates it. Don't you, Mellie? :P
So....
I'm suppose to be practising my Taekwondo.

Currently Listening To: 'Die Romantic' by Aiden

I realize how much I suck in my Tego.....and I can barely do a back thrust without falling over. How the hell do you lock your ankle?!
My Dad was being sarcastic with me this morning and told me to go and find for a key at the locksmith. Gee, thanks.....
Urm....I think I forgot how to do cross side kick. It's like a complicated dance. T.T With no beats!!! I'm a little shaky with my one-set sparring but nyeh.....I hope Mr. Karan doesn't concentrate on me too much. NO! Better yet, I hope I'm not the one right in front of him during the examination. Because, there's like two rows of people, and then his desk will be in front of us and in the middle so......can you actually picture it? I can't seem to find the words to describe it in the middle of the morning.
My brain still thinks it's asleep.
I need a cup of tea.

Currently Listening To: 'Heels Over Head' by Boys Like Girls

I have not finished Miss Nirmala's homework! OhmyGod....I just remembered. Daaaamn....and I haven't finished my History homework either. According to Sash, Pn. Amarjeet didn't come into class for the entire week but who knows if she shows up on Friday?! Speaking of Friday, I haven't finished my Art work either. But I don't have the Art paper....Gah, excuses, excuses....
Speaking of Miss Nirmala.....Trisher is planning on joining the tuition. Lol. Sharinee said that Trisher and Prime would make a great couple. NGAHAHA...... So bad la you Sharinee. Trisher is..........Trisher the Nail Biter. I can't believe that actually rhymed. (;

Currently Listening To: 'The Great Escape' by Boys Like Girls

Divya, I like monitor lizards. They're cute. Can I visit your zoo one day? I wouldn't come on Sunday though......I get enough of wild entertainment from you in school. (: If you're the 'main attraction', I would like to say that Sandra, Melissa and I are you're.....urm.....zoo keepers? LOL.
That would be sad seeing as none of us knows how to cook nasi lemak, which is basically you're staple diet. You know what?
I dare you to go a month without eating nasi lemak. Including the school canteen's one. Seriously.
What's in it for you?
I will go around school and say, 'I like Jonas Brothers' to every single random people we meet. And you know that 'Jonas Brothers' is a sensitive topic for me. So yeah....
Deal?

Currently Listening To: 'Harder To Breathe' by Maroon 5

This song makes me horny. Okaaaay.....random fact. =X
I'm not sure why though.....Lol. It's the lyrics I suppose. Something I learnt from the movie 'Music & Lyrics'.....a song is nothing without it's lyrics. It is the back bone of the entire song while the melody is like it's.....organs and stuff. Ahahah.....and there you have it ladies and gentlemen.....Natasha trying to be philosophical.
Eh!! I just realized something......I didn't turn on my cell phone yet. Ngahaha.....

Whey.....this Saturday is ICC yo......what are you people wearing? The theme is pretty amazing. Trisher, good luck in your shopping spree today. Hope you find something extra uber amazing to wear. (;
I know, as a probationer Interactor, I should attend the concert but that would mean I'll miss tuition! T.T
There's no way in Hell I'm missing tuition, I'm already going to miss it on Sunday due to unavoidable circumstances. Seriously, why would anyone want to do a Taekwondo grading on Sunday. Sunday bloody Sunday.
=/ I think that's a song. If I'm not mistaken.....
I love Interact Club, I really do. But sometimes I feel like I just don't belong. *sighs* Where do I actually belong anyway? <--- emo statement. =

Right. I need to start practising my Taekwondo.
Later Days!!

Gonna be blood, sweat and tears,
Gonna be hard work and fears,
But I ain't gonna stop no never stop 'till I got you,
Gonna be sunshine and rain,
Gonna be pleasure and pain,
But I ain't gonna stop no never stop 'till I got you.

You Know I'm Such A Fool For You

Currently Listening To: 'Loner In Love' by Busted
Currently: Talking to Sash, Melissa, Sarah, Trisher and Andrea on WLM



It's been a while since I last heard Busted. Or maybe I just don't open that file a lot anymore. :P
Anyway, the photo above is a perfect example of 'Things to Do when you're stuck in a car: Cam Whore'. It's constructive! I swear. (:

Anyways, today was a really........long day.
It began with urm....reaching school in the nick of time. BM teacher didn't come in so me, Myra and Trisher spent most of the time trying to memorize our English oral (we were doing about Comic Relief). After that we had P.E. (one of my fab subjects) and we had to do....what's it called.....disc throwing!
Yeah, teacher was making us practice how to roll the disc first (or something like that) which got me kinda worked up cos I just wanted to throw the damn thing and be done with it. What's the point of trying to roll it anyway?
But I'm sure Pn. Norinda had her reasons. Even if I can't really comprehend it.

Currently Listening To: 'Accidentally In Love' by Counting Crows

Then we were suppose to have erm....Woodshop? Yeah. It's Kemahiran Hidup in Malay but if I directly translate it, it'll say 'Life Skills' which of course, doesn't make sense. I think. =S
Anyway, it doesn't matter.....because we had spot-check. *gasps*
I mean.....c'mon....at least tell us why you're doing spot check. Half of us were still changing from our P.E. clothes when you prefects just barged into our class. And then the teachers will come in and scold us for changing with the doors wide open. T.T

Currently Listening To: 'Five Minutes to Midnight' by Boys Like Girls

Anyway, we had to remove our shoes and socks and hand over our wallets and jump up and down a couple of times to make sure we're not hiding anything else in our clothes. T.T
And a couple of prefects went through our things and it was so detailed. Like, they took out each book and flipped through it. Excuse me for being rude but, what the Hell are you guys actually looking for?!?

So after that we had recess, then K.H. again and then urm....Maths but my attention span was shorter than usual due to the fact I was stressing about English Oral only to be told by Pn. Chris in the next lesson that our English Oral was totally WRONG!!!
Grrrrr......
According to her and my dad, they say I'm 'complicated'.
Apparently I can never answer a question directly. Like, I need to think for a long time and then talk about some random crap first before I actually answer the question. And what annoyed me was, when I was talking to Pn. Chris about this, Yuet Ting asked me, "Do you look at the glass half-full or half empty?"
Me: "But it's not optimism we're talking about-...."
Pn. Chris: "You see?! You can't even answer one simple question she asks!"
Me: T.T "Fine. I look at the glass as half-empty okay? I'm a pessimist. I see things from a negative side."

Then my Dad told me the same thing. Like if someone asks me about 'A', I'll go from 'B to Z' before I actually reach 'A'. And apparently, according to him, my writing skills are too long winded.
T.T

What does he know? No offence but......I'd like to see him try. Write a story I mean. I'm just.....gah!!!!!
'Frustrated' won't even sum it up......

I miss Albert.

I can't even look forward to this weekend. =/
Because on Sunday, I've got to go for my Taekwondo grading meaning I'll miss Geography tuition!!! T.T
Plus, I can't even remember my tego or pattern or whatever they call it in Taekwondo, that well.
Great.
Can you spell D-O-O-M-E-D?

I don't know why I ever waited to say

Cuz I'm just dying just to see you again.

What Could I Say?

Currently Listening To: 'Tongue Tied' by Faber Drive

Didn't go to school today. Had no will power.
Besides that, my sister was sick and guess who was designated babysitter? Anyway, I wrote something. Still unsure if it's a poem or a song. Mel, Sand, Div, you decide....

From a distant cloud,
My heart was falling,
Already bruised,
Almost shattering.

I stood and waited,
For someone to catch it,
I could barely move,
I could barely breathe,
When I saw that he had caught it.

Suddenly,
Things weren't so bad,
Everything was right,
Everything was perfect.

Those diamond spheres
of lonely tears,
Are nothing but a winter memory.

Hold my hand,
No,
Just hold me tight,
Because from the corners of my mind,
to the very core of my heart.........

I love you.

Three guesses who this was made for. (;

By the way, I updated my Friendster account. So yes, I'm making a promise to check up on it more often. Okay? (:

I stare up at the stars,
I wondered just where you are,
You feel a million miles away,
I wondered just where you are ....

You Can Burn It All

Currently Listening To: 'Paint Your Target' by Fightstar
Currently: Talking to Andrea, Sandra, Melissa on WLM

It's gonna be a random post today. And probably a short one....
I warned you.
Anyway, went to school today. Worrying about being late, as per usual......My mum has really bad sense of timing. My Dad is glad I didn't inherit that from her though. Anyway, the hall was under renovation so they squeezed everyone into the gallery. Yes, the form 1's all the way to the form 6's. And you know the stupid thing? We weren't even allowed to sit because the gallery might burst or something.
Oh well, Sandra couldn't find for her class so she just snuck into my class line. Or well, to be more honest, I pulled her into our class line.

Myra was quiet today. She said she was sick.

Currently Listening To: 'You and Me' by Lifehouse

You want to know something funny? It's when you're not in a relationship but you're crushing on that someone.....well, you think about them, but not of every single minute of every single second. But today I couldn't get Albert out of my head and yeah......
Thankfully for me, God must've sense my trance-like state and made Cik Mashita and Pn. Gohilah absent today so I spent most of my time talking to Sharinee and day dreaming.

Currently Listening To: 'Everything We Had' by The Academy Is

William's voice is so high pitched. But me likey. Well, technically, it's not high pitched but he can do high pitched.
So, yeah....I'm kind of sad at the moment. It has something to do with.....uhhh....something personal. I'm just yeah.....I'm trying not to think about it too much but you know me. I can't seem to stop thinking and it just goes on and on and it snowballs down until it becomes a freaking avalanche.
T.T
*siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiighs*

Currently Listening To: 'The Phrase That Pays' by The Academy Is

This song is kinda sad actually. The part, 'Am I going to die? Well son, death is gonna catch up to all one day. But your's is coming quicker than our's.'
It's when William was talking to this doctor and yeah. What a nice doctor. T.T
I need to stop thinking. If only I was Dumbledore and I had his pensive. Then I can just store away things and yeeeeaaahhh....
I'm not making sense am I?
Yeah, I thought so.
Anyway, tomorrow....as funny as it is....I'm representing Red House in shot put. HA HA HA. And here I was hoping for javelin. Stupid, stupid, stupid. T.T
Gaaahhh.....

Currently Listening To: 'Way Back Into Love' by Hugh Grant and Haley Bennett

This song is so sweet.
I miss Albert.

And it's you and me and all other people

And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

Was it something I said? Or something I never did?

Currently Listening To: 'Inconsolable' by Backstreet Boys

So today was Geo tuition as per usual.......nothing much happened except Miss Nirmala wasn't teaching us today.
Erm.....is it sappy of me to say that my heart was beating faster and faster when I went to tuition today?
Oh c'mon.....I think most of you know the reason.
Reason being......well, him. (:

Currently Listening To: 'Second Chance' by Faber Drive

I don't know why but when I looked at Albert today I had to fight my natural instincts to hug. Seriously, I should wear a sign around my neck saying: 'Warning Hugaholic'
-.-'
I know, I should not just fall so hard for him like this. Especially after what happened in my last relationship *bad flashbacks* but I don't know. I sincerely think that I.......*censored*
Lol.
I can't post it up here because it's too.....well.....I'm just waiting for something to happen before I declare to all and sundry.

Currently Listening To: 'Killin' Me' by Faber Drive

So right now, I'm looking for rose stencils for my KH project. Haih.....School is starting tomorrow. I'm not looking forward to that.

*a few minutes later*
Gah...you know what else I hate? I hate people shouting my name like, "NADIAH!!!!" in a tone where it sounds like they want to slap me or something. -.-'
I mean, I'm just sitting upstairs. I'm not even in my room! I'm in the second living room which is connected to the stairs, I can practically here every single word that's going on down there.

Currently Listening To: '24 Story Love Affair' by Faber Drive

Yes, my playlist is mostly Faber Drive at the moment. I don't know what to say anymore actually. My mind is just full of Albert at the moment. -.-'
And you know the weirdest thing? It's not weird just more of a......O.O kind of thing.
His cologne or perfume or whatever the hell he uses, makes me horny. -.-'
Yes, you read right.

Myra.....how come when I'm online you're not? =S

Currently: Talking to Trisher on WLM

I think most of us are being emo about tomorrow. Urgh......morning assembly. I hope Pn. Alainal says something. Mostly because her speeches are long, and if they're long enough, we won't have enough time for BM right after assembly.
Right....I'm getting distracted. I think I suffer from ADD. (: See ya in the next post!!

It's Just That Thing At The End of Cheesy Romantic Movies

Currently: Watching Faber TV on YouTube

No Mye, I have not finished those videos yet. One day, I shall have a marathon with a bunch of pillows, Pepsi and a big bowl of Ruffles Sour Cream flavour and sit in front of the computer and watch TAI TV and Faber TV all day.
Lol. The short form for 'The Academy Is' is really weird, no offence to the band of course. Urm...hello? I love the band! William!!! (:
But the short form sounds like a drug cigar or something..... TAI cigar....better than coke. Ha ha ha.

Anyway, my bedroom floor is currently littered with books. I seriously cannot believe I totally forgot about every single one of my homework. Seriously. When I looked at my notebook last night I was like, O.O
OHMYGODIAMONDS!!!!!
Sheeeeeiiiittt......
Haih, so I spent some time last night finishing a bit of homework and most of my morning. Still not done by the way. I haven't touched History and I have to pass up this Thursday. There's this funny little knot twinge kind of thing in my stomach every time I think about it.
-.-'
Gaaaahhh.....
Teacher, it's holidays! Give us a break and cut down on the homework.
Honestly, the day PMR is over, I shall jump up and down like a wild child. Not that I'm not already one, but oh well.....

I want to have a sausage party with Faber Drive! LOL
Hang on, I'd rather have a sausage party with McFly.
Or both.
Faber Fly!!!!
Wheeeee.....

*And now we're back with the regularly scheduled blog post*
Heh.
I can hear my dad saying he wants to watch TV downstairs and my younger sister, Elly, is arguing with him. T.T
In a few seconds, she's going to come upstairs and bug me to use the computer. Myra, and you thought you're sister is bad, at least she's the proper age to use a computer. Elly is six!! Daaaamn....and I only knew how to use the computer at the age of 8. I think. It was a long time ago....
So, no one's online on MySpace except for Yazmin.
And now I am taking a survey on MySpace. Wheee....I know, my life is soooo exciting. Well, I guess I can post the survey up here as well. (:

WHO

who is your best friend?
Sandra, Melissa, Divya, Baizura, Myra and Sash.

who do you like?
That particular someone.

who is your mom?
My dad's wife

who owns your house?
Father

who bought you the clothes your wearing?
Someone with money, that's fer sure.

who is at your house?
Me, Mum, Dad, sisters, cat and maid. Oh and my imaginary friend.

who loves you?
My cat. =P

who said hey to you today?
Charlie

who are you talking to right now?
Trisher just went offline. T.T

who was your ex-boy/girlfriend?
That guy that's walking around with a dagger through his skull.

WHAT

what town do you live in?
The one in Puchong.

what are your pet peeves?
WhEn PeOpLe TyPe LiKe ThI$

what are you wearing?
Clothes

what do your teeth look like?
They look like they're in braces.

what are you doing in an hour?
Eat I suppose.

what is your middle name?
Nadiah

what is your deepest secret?
It's in too deep, I can't find it......

what are you doing tomorrow?
Surviving school

what is your boy/girlfriends middle name?
L-......wait minute. We're not together! :P

what is in this for you?
A cure to my boredom.

what is your favorite thing(s) to do?
Online. Listen to music. Talk to one of those seven people that I love.

what are you sitting on?
I would love to say BEAN BAG CHAIR but sadly, it's just a chair.

WHERE

where are you at right now?
The 2nd floor of my house.

where were you at at 12 noon today?
It's not noon yet. T.T

where is your toothbrush at?
Next to my sink.

where do you sleep?
On my bed.

where do you live?
3rd rock from the sun.

where were you at at 7pm yesterday?
Tuition <3

where is your boy/girl friend?
Dunno.....

where are your parents?
Downstairs.

where did you put your bookbag?
Somewhere in my room....

where do you keep your socks?
In my drawer

WHEN

when was your first kiss?
I'm saving it. =X

when are you getting a job?
Part time after pmr

when did you graduate?
Haven't graduated ):

when will you grow up?
Good question

when are you going to call your friend?
When I want them to call me. (:

when did you get home last night?
7 something....

when are you going to stop taking surveys?
When something better comes along....

when was the last time you had a fruit smoothie?
God knows....

when are you getting married?
Its a long way there

WHY

why are you taking this?
Cause I'm bored and you're bored so we're even

why are you weird?
Genetic disorder

why are you wearing what your wearing right now?
It was right on top of the T-shirt stack and it was right on top of the pants stack.

why dont you have friends?
Because I have BEST friends.

why cant you get a boy/girl friend?
Because I keep falling down so they don't see me.

why do you live where your at?
I was forced to.

HOW

how do you fix your hair?
Spend 6 hours in bed and voila......

how are the kids?
They're hungry

how many hours do you spend on the computer?
Long long hours

how many TV shows do you watch?
A couple

how did you find this survey?
Sarah's on MySpace

how do you like it so far?
Semi-cool and semi-retarded. (: Sounds like someone I know.

how do you make sharpies?
Do I look like I'm the owner of the company?

how many sharpies do you own?
A couple. Their somewhere in the house.

how often do you say I love you?
To the opposite sex: rarely
To my top six: Of every year, of every month, of every day. <3

*blink blink*

Currently Listening To: 'Breaking' by Elliot Minor

So now.....I'm confused. A couple of things happened this morning. I would go into detail but I'm not going to say anything until it's final......
=S
That sounds so scary. Like..... 'I sentence you to the gallows!' kind of thing. *nudge nudge*
Anyway, I know.....I'm not making much sense. But like I said, I don't dare to say anything until it's well.....discussed and yeah....

I hate to jump to conclusions (eventhough I tend to do it a lot), it's embarassing when you're wrong about the facts.

Currently Listening To: 'Time After Time' by Elliot Minor

I am reading Mira's MySpace....and laughing my head off....

And guess what? I'm talking to Albert on WLM! (:
I feel like Myra when she got Joel's e-mail. Although, I've had Albert's e-mail for a while now, we haven't really talked on WLM. Mostly cos someone isn't online. :P
I'm sleepy but I don't want to go to bed.
Mostly because I want to talk to Albert.
I want to talk to Sash (who still isn't online T.T)
And I need to finish my Komsas homework or it shall get up on it's own in the middle of the night and devour my brain.

Currently Listening To: 'Second Chance' by Faber Drive

Hey, you guys remembered the 'wish' that Richard made me do? Just close my eyes and wish....
Well, in a way, I think it came true.

Okay, okay, okay....I'm getting distracted! *stares at the computer with a smile* I need to escape before I choke in happiness. (:

My Bright Light

Currently Listening To: 'You And Me' by Lifehouse
Currently: Talking to Rauf on WLM

So I was just re-reading 'His Bright Light' by Danielle Steel. You know, about her son, Nick Traina. Well, if you haven't read it. Read it. I've lost track how many times this book has made me cry but it has. Lots. Anyway, I was reading this part where Nick wrote in his journal when he was fourteen and I realized that what he was writing was almost a mirror image of what I am currently going through so yeah.....I figured.....I should take this time. This moment, to write down my true feelings. No lies. No cover ups. Just pure Natasha. Not that I haven't written the truths down there, but this is 110% no holding back. Okay? Okay. If there are some things that are like Nick Traina's, I'd like to apologise first because some of the things he wrote are basically how I feel too.

I have two identities. Essentially one is the true Natasha, the one which all of my top six are familiar with, and then there's this other one which is the Natasha that my parents want. Right now, all I want to do is decide which to be and just be it. I know, most of you would say, 'choose the true Natasha because that's who you are'. But have you ever had that feeling......that you do not want your parents to be ashamed of you? Well, that's what the true Natasha does. She let's her parents down, hell, she'd run away from home if she wanted. Actually, there's even a third identity in there too: The impatient one that just wants me to decide.
First identity: She wants to live her life the way she wants it. Not caring about the rules, the regulations. She's in love with Dougie Poynter. She couldn't care less about Malaysia and would much rather migrate to UK. She wants to grow up and be something in music. She's loud, random, funny and sarcastic. She likes to write stories. She falls for guys almost every other day and would easily give her heart out to anyone. She's confident and she's a leader.
Second identity: She's the shy one. She'd rather much disappear into a hole in the floor and not be looked at again. She gets all the good grades in school. She wears a tudung. She's too scared to stand up for herself. She ignores the feelings she has for guys keeps her eyes on her goals.

I see a tired confused teenage girl.
She's angry.....I can feel it.
She's sad...... her cries keep me up all through the night.
She's hurting.......the pain is choking me.
She loves me.......I hope.
She needs me.......but her pride won't let her admit it.
She doesn't understand me.......maybe we both just don't understand each other.
She tries to tell me how she feels, I see her struggling......but it just comes out wrong.
I see a teenage girl that's gone through so much, been through so much and has a permanent burden on her shoulders.
But like I said, she's still just a teenage girl.

Did you ever wrap your arms around yourself just to imagine someone else holding you? Did you ever wish you could talk to them truthfully and hold their hands? Maybe even hug them? Did you ever feel so ugly, worthless and useless and spend days staring at the mirror trying to dissect your flaws? Did you ever get laughed at? Did you ever feel strange and foreign? Like you were meant for something so much more? Or perhaps less? Did you ever get singled out, screwed with, burnt and raped in the head? You couldn't see what they wanted. Couldn't find what they needed. Did you ever hide your true feelings for fear of being stepped on? Did you ever hide your dreams for fear of someone holding a gun and shooting them apart one by one? Did you ever kept quiet about something and just curled up and die inside? Well, I did. I did all that. I've lived through it. In fact, I'm still living through it. I keep myself sane with my own company, forever imagining that someone would actually love this hate-racked body and soul. I have to be strong. I know I do. Despite the pain that burns in my chest. Despite the consequences. I need to put my feelings in check and just deal with it.
No food, no applause, no nothing. Just pure survival.
Just me.

Or maybe I should just give it all away and give up.

The Return

Currently Listening To: 'Inconsolable' by Backstreet Boys





OMGD!
First and foremost I'd like to give all of my readers a thousand and one apologies for not telling you guys about this agreement I had with my mum. The agreement was I'm not allowed to use the Internet for 21 days but it was only AFTER I signed the agreement, I realized I had not updated you people. -.-
But it's okay! MYRA was here to let you guys know.
Thanks Mye.

Anyway, some of you would probably be wondering what the Hell is that picture up there all about hmm?
Well, it's the school holidays now. And I went for this 'PMR Workshop' thing in my tuition centre. That, my dear readers, is a group picture of all of us. Excluding the camera man, RANIL. -.-
You should have let Kak Siti take the picture.
So I'm here to rant all about the workshop because honestly, I don't think I can ever forget about it. Besides the teachers being amazing, the people who attended.......well what can I say? I'm gonna admit it, I cried when I reached home on the last day. Cos some of the students....well, we might not meet for some time.
*pushes my cat out of my lap*
She's hurting me!

Monday

The morning dawned, I was sick and nervous. I mean, who knew how it would turn out? The only reasons that got me out of bed were Sandra and Albert (yes, him. YOU KNOW). So yeah, I went. First we had English, to be perfectly honest, I love English teachers. But this one was sort of....urm....bossy?
Yeah.
Then we had maths and it was like GAH. The teacher was soooo boring. He was teaching Science too and it was like T.T
For lunch, me and Sand joined Albert's huge giant assed gang to eat at Old Town White coffee <--I'm so not sure if I spelt that right. Anyway, Albert had invited a couple of his friends (Ranil, Edward and sorry if I spell your name wrong cos I really don't know how to spell it 'Cheng' something...I'm scared to spell it in case it turns out badly) to join the workshop so yeah.....hence why he seemed to be ignoring most of us on that day. But it doesn't matter. Now that I think back, I think if Mel, Div, Mye and Sash joined......I'd probably be acting the same way.
Although I have to admit, I was slightly put out by his behaviour.
Continuing.....
After Science we had BM and the teacher reminds me of Cikgu Shah Alim (OMGD, I forgot how to spell his name already!! T.T) and Cikgu Yusrizal. Uhuh....we had a BM quiz and yeah, I was acting like an imbecile. As per usual.
That was basically the first day.
In brief summary of course.
There are a couple of secrets from the first day till the end of the week but I'm not sure if I should post it here because, well, it's not my secret to tell even if I AM her best friend *smiles*. Besides, I think the reason of her secret reads this blog too anyway. If he doesn't, he's GOING TO. :P

Tuesday

Again. I dragged myself out of bed and that day our English teacher changed. Apparently the other one got sick and yeah.....
At the beginning of the day, we got re-shuffled into new groups and was told to stick to that group till the end of the week. I guess I was kinda jealous that Sandra got Albert in her group. *sighs*
Oh well.
Bai got Edward. T.T
Hmmmm......I am this close to letting out all the secrets but it's okay. I can tell mine, just not the others. (:
Moving on, at first I wasn't so sure about my group. I had Ranil *again*, Muriel, Darshvini, Sarah Azlina and Jana (I STILL don't know how to spell your full-name till this day!!). So my first impression of Ranil? He's a bit like Albert but different. :P
Yes, like that made any sense.
In the end we decided to name the group 'Sapphire - GTA' or in full term 'Sapphire - Grand Theft Auto'. (:
I still say my group had the best name. Yeah, then I was made group leader. The other groups were called, 'Secret Recipe' (Sandra's group), 'CJ14 1/2' (Baizura's group) and '300' (Bryan's group). For Maths and Science we still had the same old teacher and I guess more than a couple of us were just being plain rude to him.
Then we had BM and I think we did Rumusan. I think. LOL. I forgot.
Something happened on the second day that made me sad. But now, I can't remember what. All I know, I was sad and I went home listening to emo songs all night.

Wednesday

Middle of the week and guess what? Miss Nirmala said she'd be taking over Maths and Science class from now on during the workshop!!!
WHOO HOO!!!!
English we had to do about literature. And BM guess what? We had to do a survey and actually go out of the tuition centre and ask random strangers about the topics that teacher gave us. What really pissed me off was the fact that this stupid people were just sitting around, staring at the ceiling and when I asked them were they busy, they said they were. T.T
Really. The ceiling will crumble without your laser stare.
It was so retarded la. I mean, hello? We obviously did not look like beggars, and we're a bit too young to be working for some foundation. Use your bloody brains la. Grrr....
Then we had to do a presentation during BM. Someone raised some political issues. *nudge nudge* Honestly, I agree with Miss Nirmala.
We.
Are.
High.
School.
Kids.
Who gives a damn about election, politics and all that? Okay, so yeah, it's good to know about one's country and government and all that. But we're still kids! I like being one. And we should just be neutral. But you know, if some of you want to grow up way too fast. Go ahead. Nothing I can do about it. I'd just like to point out that my mum also works with the law and you don't see me going all ballistic about the situation. I'm not blaming anyone okay? But like, if you're best friend starts crying over something 'someone' said in class, who wouldn't feel pissed?
I agree with Mel's blog. It doesn't matter. We're all Malaysians. Something I've been trying to profusely deny but okay never mind. I admit it now. Lol.
Have I mentioned how much I love Sapphire-GTA? Out of all the workshops I've ever been to okay, I think this was the best group I've ever been in.

Thursday

Second last day. Emotions were still running high from Wednesday....
We had to finish our individual work for English so not much fun. But for Maths we had to do Sudoku and we had to invent a game which was a bit like gambling. I guess this 'game thing' kinda ruined my day alot because, we were the first group to go up. Who knew that the other groups were going to be betting 30K and all that? (Each group was given 250, 000 as an investment)
Sapphire-GTA are a bunch of good people who do not play dirty. Like SOME people. So yes, after that session it left me feeling really pissed. But you know, I keep my emotions to myself and my best friends. So that's why the teachers kept commenting on Albert and not me. Even though if given the chance, I'd be as equally pissed as Albert was. Perhaps more. But I know myself. I know that if I start shouting, I'll start crying and it'll just be.......well.....not something I want to do in public. Not anymore anyway. So yeah, I just swallowed everything and kept quiet about it. Sand obviously noticed my hostility during English (she's my twin and one of my best friends. She SHOULD notice. LOL) and yeah.....
To sum it up, Thursday was really not my day.

Friday

The final day. Already in the morning I was feeling sad but I ignored it and continued on anyway. We had lots of fun. English was mostly group work. Maths was strictly learning since we spent almost 3 hours doing group work the day before. Science we had to do group work about 'Biodiversity 20 Years Ago and Now'. I guess I have to admit, Prime, does have SOME speaking voice. But that still doesn't mean that I don't want to kick him in the balls for saying, 'Cry bitch.' to Baizura. Sure, it was meant as a joke. But if I summed up all the things he's said to ME that made me feel well.....insecure, sad and hurt. Well.....let's just say there will be hell to pay. But I don't want to bring up the past. It's done. Right?
BM we had to a drama and since Sapphire-GTA and 300 were doing about the same thing, we decided to 'join forces' and present together. It was fun. (:
Finally, it was the end of the day. Miss Nirmala bought KFC for all of us and announced the best group for the entire week (CJ14 1/2) and then the best individual (Sandra). I'm proud of Sandra. Still am. Forever will. *HUGS*
We then had a photo session and yeah, hence the picture above.

Overall, I'm glad I went for the workshop. If only I can erase some sticky moments when I felt like I wanted to shoot something. It'll be better. (:
So today, I'll be seeing some of my friends from the workshop again because obviously, we still have tuition today. *groans*
So Sandra, Albert, Bryan, Jay, Jana and all you people in Maths, Science and History tuition today. See you later.

I hear the sound of something new,
*(something new something new)*
Give me the keys to unlock you