We'll Stick It Out 'Till The End!!!

Current Song I'm Listening To: 'Umbrella' cover single by McFly

Hi everyone! I'd like to wish you amazing readers a Horny Happy New Year!! :D

Right anyway, I've been reading your blogs (well not all of you since I don't actually know who reads my blogs but if you leave your link in my Cbox I promise to check it out!) and I realized that most of you are doing this whole 're-cap of 2007' thing. So yes! I shall turn into a sheep and join the herd. *baaaa*

Sandra, Divya and Melissa. What can I say about you three? You've been there for me during my happiest moments and saddest moments. As a group, you make me believe I can conquer the world. As individuals...well, continue on reading and you'll see.... :)
Sandra,
My 'twin', my 'partner in crime' and my queen of all sarcastic remarks. Even though we're not in the same class as each other this year (or next year for that matter), we never allowed that to stop us from being friends. BEST friends. :D We proved a lot of people wrong with our friendship. We had a lot of views on life. Mostly, we had a lot of laughs. We've had our differences but hey, that's what makes the 'perfect friendship', no? By the way, I agree with Mel. You need to stop your addiction with Maple. Or we'll send you to rehab. :P
Divya,
My 'Mommy', our 'Le Prune' and my music guru. Oh wait, I know I should've added 'Nasi lemak addict' some where there. *laughs* But I've mentioned it now, haven't I? You've had my back since day One (so has Sandra. And Mel. And Bai. And Mye. And Sash. OMGD, I'm getting carried away). You were there for me during one of the the worst moments in my life (as I think you can remember) and I haven't actually said 'thank you' yet. So thanks! :) Yeah, I know we're not in the same class next year but that won't stop us, will it? We made it through this year after all. And we'll make it through the rest.
Melissa,
My 'Daddy' and the person that I've known since last year but grew closer to this year. You made me believe in myself and you kept pushing me to never lose hope. For that, I don't think words could ever convey how much I owe you. We have a lot in common (mostly our 'problems') and we kept each other strong through it. Thank you. =')

Next! Baizura, Myra and Sash!!! Wow. We've had our crazy moments haven't we? Jumping, singing and dancing to McFly, dreaming in class, writing Riverside and of course, having tournaments on Baizura's PlayStation 2. :P Nothing, and I mean it when I say NOTHING, in the world can ever take our love for McFly away from us as long as the three of us are together. We'll meet them one day. You'll see. :)
Baizura,
We've known each other for quite a while now. But ever since that faithful English oral exam in Form 1, we've grown closer. :D I swear, we've had a lot and a lot of laughs. Tears? A lil bit. Arguments? Yeah, some. But then again, we always forget about it after a day or so. *laughs* You are my 'happy booster' and with you my dear, I see the world through rose-tinted glasses. As cliched as that sounds. :P Our classes may be different next year, but we'll still see each other. Especially in Nirmala tuition. PLUS, my mum wants me to carpool with you back home anyway. So yay! :)
Myra,
We may call you Chili and Cat but to me you are my 'eldest daughter'. ;] We've had a lot of differences (as I can re-call) but we always made it through it. Cheers for us! *laughs* We had our moments but mostly our 'McFly connection' should be awed by all. Tom Fletcher and Dougie Poynter, watch out!! You've got two really hot girls coming your way. :P Basically, I think what I'm trying to say is, we made it through a lot, and we'll make it through a hell lot more next year. (By the way, since we're in the same class, can I sit with you? :P)
Sash,
Oh my God. Where to begin, where to begin? You know the show 'Pirate Master'? Well, you, my dear friend, are definitely a winner for that. Only of course we have to add 'Cyber Pirate Master'. :P You bring me back down to Earth with your kick ass views on wearing a tudung. You've been there with me through a lot (as have the others). McFly will forever be our idols as well as One Tree Hill (I would like to thank you for getting me addicted by the way). James Lafferty and Harry Judd don't stand a chance with you hunting them down. No worries, me and Mye will have your back when you fall. :) By the way, you should stop feeding Dr. Grey. He is getting so fat! :P

Last but not least, my 'personal stalker', my cuppy cake and other revoltingly cute nick names *laughs*, Muhd. aQeel b. Azhar (please, please, please tell me I got that right! LOL). What can I say? We just met but it's like I've known you my whole entire life. I still can't believe I found you. :P I love you to hell and back and I never ever want to lose you. Although if I lost you I must have a brain the size of a peanut since you're 5 foot 11 (right, right, right?) and that would be kinda hard not to notice. :) Lame ass joke, ignore me!!!

So yes, to the seven people I just named. I love you guys more than you can ever EVER imagine and each and everyone of you has a special place in my heart (even though there's suppose to only be four chambers in your heart). This is alongside Dougie Poynter of course. Yes, Dougie has a place in my heart. And the other McFly lads have to share one place. :P Let's face it people, I'll forever put Dougie first before the rest of McFly. AHAHAHA...
I know, I'm mean. Just deal with it.

To the rest of you people who read my blog, I thank you so so so SO much for reading my posts. I hope you all have a great New Year's (mine would be spent in front of the computer and watching Mike Vogel in Grind :D) and hope to see you in 2008!!!!

~Natasha~

The Countdown Has Begun

Current Song I'm Listening To: 'Two Steps Behind' by Def Leppard

So I've been reading through my blog and I realized how melancholy and sadistically sad I've been in my last posts I'm going to try and regain some of my 'Natashaness' that I'm apparently so famous for. :D
Did that make sense?

Lol. Aaaaaanyway.....People are already beginning to do a count down of the final days of 2007 before we enter the realm of 2008. Again. I'm still not looking forward to it but unless any of you people have DeLorean hidden in your garage, I can't stop time from moving forward. NOT that DeLorean would be able to stop time but you know what I mean, at least I'll get to re-live some of the best days of my life this year over and over again. Yes, like most people, I've had my share of good times and bad times this year. Not going to go into full detail in case anyone falls asleep at the keyboard. :)

I guess what I'm grateful for is the fact that I have my supporting best friends to go through next year with. They mean a hell lot to me and if any of you dare to hurt them in any way, you'll have me kicking your ass with a huge machine gun (or something along those lines). I'm not good with words at the moment. I guess it's the lack of sleep. I have no idea but I haven't been able to sleep at any time before 3am for these past few days. I need to work on this before school starts since I can't afford to fall asleep in school.
Stupid la....why did they have to go and make everything in one session?
It's the dumbest idea I've ever heard.
I mean, hello?!?
My year had to suffer through two freaking years of afternoon session and just when we thought it'd be awesome to finally be one of the 'seniors' in morning session. They change it. -.-'
How brilliant.

Stupid government. Stupid SA.

I agree with Mel, if this is the future. I'd change into a silver jumpsuit and move to Alaska. Although I don't see the point of why we would need to wear 'silver jumpsuits', I was actually thinking more along the lines of lots of warm clothing but how would I know? I've never been to Alaska.
Well, I haven't been doing much except get things ready for school (i.e. new pencil box, notebooks, etc) and I've been trying to stuff as much of McFly influence I can get before I have to submit myself to the gas chamber. I mean.....'school'.




ALALA.....!!!!!
So cuuuuuuuute.....
I want to hug him.



Extremely old video but I don't care. Dougie was and will always forever be hot. And I love his lizards. :D
Ahhaxx....
"It'll be like a zoo. Only better......Cause it'll have me there."
That's one zoo I'd want to visit and never leave!!!! :D

Okay. I should stop spamming my own blog. :)
I like that word. Spam, spam....SPAAAAMMMM....
Muahaha...

Take care of me. Take me. Take care.

I Don't Wanna Go

Current Song I'm Listening To: 'Letters To God' by Box Car Racer

So here I am. Again. I'm not sure what's wrong with me right now. I'm just sick of listening to my mum yell at my sisters. I'm sick of my maid and her stupid annoying voice that she can't seem to tone down. I'm sick of everything and I just want out. Fortunately, God doesn't give out free passes.

Why?
I don't know.
Maybe I'm wondering.....what is wrong with me? Why aren't I like the person I used to be in my primary school? Sure, I've grown into a better person since then. I hope. But you know, back then.....I don't know.
I don't know why I'm crying right now.
I just want the tears to stop.

I want every stupid sorrow, melancholy to stop fucking haunting me so I can get on with the rest of my life.

My Hands Are Shaking

Current Song I'm Listening To: 'Falling For You' by Something Corporate

No, I don't think I went overboard with coffee....hence why I'm shaking. I think it's mostly because of next year. I know my friends are too savvy to admit it, but I'm not. And I'm just going to say it here, "I AM FUCKING SCARED."
Why?
Well, let's see. PMR exams.
And I have not studied. At all. Seriously. I haven't cracked a book at all during these holidays. And everyone else has.
Even Sash has!
It's driving me to the point where I can't stay in a room all on my own anymore because my thoughts would drift over to those stupid bloody exams.

-.-'

It's not helping that Mel has either temporarily closed down or permanently closed down her blog. So that was what I was planning to do too but for my MySpace account. And it's not going to be permanent....It's going to be temporary until after PMR exams. I'm just....I'm going loco right now. I've taken a glimpse of what my soon-to-be schedule is going to be like and I don't like it. Not one bit.
It's like.......
Whatever I was known for this year (longest hours online, sleeping at really random times, waking up late) is all going to be gone due to tuition, homework....oh and did I mention 'revising'?
So I know I shouldn't be worrying about this too much and spend what little time I have left enjoying my freedom but I can't. Because I have this strange feeling that when I get into form 3 next year, everyone has already known what we'll be learning....everyone except me that is.

La la la.
Shit.
I'm scared.
And the stupid thing is, no matter how guilty and scared I feel. I still don't have the strength to open the damn effing book.

Okay.
I'm gonna go off now. Before I go completely crazy.

Take care of me. Take me. Take care.

Won't and My Everything

So I wrote that song that I wanted to earlier. And I also found a song that I written a couple of months ago. :)

This first song is called 'Won't' and was inspired by the song 'Letters to God' by Box Car Racer.

Caught off guard
Anxiety has a fierce grip
The air is as cold and sharp as a broken dart
Let me go
I’m at the point of exhaustion
I’ll come when it’s time

And I, I won’t trip
I won’t fall
Maybe I just won’t go
Can’t keep up
Maybe I just won’t go

There was time but it went by too fast
I wished I could’ve caught it in the palm of my hand
Now it’s gone, it’s too late
Gone were the days from the past
I’m heading towards an unknown gate

And I, I won’t trip
I won’t fall
Maybe I just won’t go
Can’t keep up
Maybe I just won’t go

Lost and scared inside
A fake smile can only get you so far
Heading into an uncharted territory
I’ll hold your hand if you’ll hold mine

And I, I won’t trip
I won’t fall
Maybe I just won’t go
Can’t keep up
Maybe I just won’t go

Right. And the next song is called 'My Everything'. It's sort of erm......'sexual'. Lol.

Fill me to the brim with lust and desire,
Tip me over the edge of oblivion,
Burnt in the heart of the fire,
Unlock the cage and free the lion of passion.

The night is panting your name
We're playing a dangerous game,
I could lose, my everything.....

Lie back straight and hang on to your caskets
We're on a one-way ticket to Hell,
I need more than just a little distraction,
Honey, you're the only one that's able to save me from self-destruction.

Let's pull our bodies closer
Feel the heat between us
A hurricane is coming closer and closer
We'll ignore the world and focus on each other.

Yeah. Don't ask. I think I was frustrated at Dougie. Sort of. I don't know. But I found this song written on one of my exam papers. Lol. Yeah. It was my English finals exam paper. :P
Anyway, I want comments!

Take care of me. Take me. Take care.

Blood, Sweat and Tears

Current Song I'm Listening To: 'Everything We Had' by The Academy Is

SANTI!!!
Right. I have no idea why that word makes me want to laugh but OKAY. :) William Beckett has a really nice voice. He just has that 'lost puppy' look going on. I was watching the making of 'Everything We Had' and I think it was pretty cool when William had to sing 'take the pain out of love, and then love won't exist' backwards. Wished I could do that. I've been trying out with 'let's slit our wrists and burn down something beautiful' but it didn't turn out right.

Anyways......
School is starting in like, less than a week. For you people who are in Sri Aman of course.....not sure about the rest.
Okay, I thought I had some idea what I wanted to write in here. But I don't.....not anymore....I was thinking of writing a song inspired by 'Letters To God' by Box Car Racer and I do have the words in my mind but I'm not as good as Mel as to write on the spot.

Okay, so I'm gonna try and write it now. I'll post it up here as soon as it's done. And sorry for not making a vlog. I just have no idea what to say. It's like I'm on auto-pilot these days. It's either that or the dread of going back to school is too much it's basically drowning me.

Yeah. I think that's the reason.

Take care of me. Take me. Take care.

I Feel So

Current Song I'm Listening To: 'I Feel So' by Box Car Racer (yes, yes, yes, I'm obsessed with this song and I love Tom Delonge so freeeeeeeaking much!!!!!)

So first thing that I'd like to say is 'Merry Christmas' to all of my wonderful readers who celebrate Christmas, hope your stockings are filled with goodies and you got everything on your Christmas Wish List.

To all of my 'family members', I miss you guys (or rather, girls). Maybe going back to school isn't such a bad thing since we'll be seeing each other there. Mommy and Daddy, you both are the best and have been supporting me throughout the crap things in my life. To my 'twin' sister, you make me see the sarcastic things in life and I love you for it. Good luck with mapling I guess! To my wonderful daughters, I don't care how many 'accidents' I had with your dad *winks* but you all are so worth it. :P
Ahahaha....and of course to my readers, you all do know I'm talking about Divya, Melissa, Sandra, Myra, Baizura, Nadiah and Sash. :)
Yes, they're my family and I'm proud of 'em. :D

Anyways, yes, I guess as you all know, I've met this guy. I know I shouldn't give my heart away so whole hearted-ly (ignore the pun) and I know the risks and dangers that involves giving your heart away to someone that you've only known for what......three days?
But I guess, the naive girl inside of me wants to believe that he'll never hurt me. Which, I hope he won't. I don't think I could handle the pain. But then again......life's just that way, right?
Go through the bad things before you get the sweet things.
I just wonder how many more 'bad things' I've got to go through before I can enjoy the rest of it. But who knows? Maybe Aqeel is the answer to it all. :)
Okay, okay, okay....I shouldn't put my hopes up too high. We all know what usually happens when I do that.

But I'm proud to say, for the first time in months......I'm truly, TRULY happy. :D

Take care of me. Take me. Take care.

P/s: To those of you who have watched my vlog and was wondering why I haven't made another one yet. I promise I'll make one either tonight or tomorrow. Depends on the lighting in my room and if I haven't died and gone to oblivion yet cos I'm expecting some really rad gifts from my grandmum today. *winks* *crosses my fingers and whispers under my breath* Please, please, please let it be the McFly DVD Greatest Hits Tour.

:D

I Am Better ;)

Current Song I'm Listening To: 'Stronger' by Kanye West (Alvin and The Chipmunks version)

Warning: Contains spoilers to the movie 'I Am Legend'.

Today I shall be dissecting 'I Am Legend'. Erm overall? It's a pretty good movie....if you like genetic mutating viruses. Hey Shazmeer! This movie is totally dedicated to you!! :) No sarcasm intended, yeah?
Anyways, the movie was a bit of a disappointment. I don't know....I was expecting something....better. And why do they have to kill Sam? I mean, Sam was a good dog! Stupid, stupid, stupid. :/
I think it would have been better if those 'things' looked a lot more like vampires instead of how they look like in the movie. I mean, it was like a bad imitation of 'The Thing' from The Fantastic Four or something.

The ending was pretty heroic though. Although half the time I was getting annoyed with the people in front of me and their huge, HUGE heads blocking my view. -.-'
Right continuing....
In the car back home, my parents and I were trying to figure out the 'morale' of the story. At first I said, "Don't create a cure for cancer."
And then my mum was like, "No la. The morale is don't play around with nature because that woman went and invent that vaccine thing."
Dad: "No, no, no. The morale is don't go out at night. Then those things wouldn't have followed him home and he wouldn't have to sacrifice himself."
Me: "Ala, if like that. Might as well the morale be, 'If you're the only survivor of a disease that turned everyone into vampires slash monsters, don't talk to mannequins.' Cos if Neville (Will Smith), didn't stop to talk to that stupid 'Fred' person (which was the mannequin by the way), then Sam wouldn't have died. And he (Neville), wouldn't have gone all depressed and tried to kill himself on that pier at night. And then those 'things' wouldn't have followed him. See?"

:D

Erm yeah. That was pretty much my review. Lol. It was lame. I know. Anyway, there's kinda no point being online now since everyone is off.

Take care of me. Take me. Take care.

An Unexpected Moment

No, I'm not listening to anything, currently watching 'Album Launch: Blink 182'. Which is pretty damn hilarious and if you haven't seen it. What are you waiting for? Go to YouTube!!
(Well, after you read my mad, mad rant of course ;])

Sooo....three posts in a day....I am on a roll!!!!
Lol.
Well, not technically since the post below was more of a 'where the hell are you?' note than a post. But I say it's still a post! Or......words, at the very least.
Alright, so I'm not making much sense. Reason?
I think Cupid was a little late this year for me (well, a lot late....in case you haven't noticed...it's 3 days till Christmas!!!!) and shot me right through the heart with an arrow today.
*sighs*

Yes, yes, yes. I met someone. And he.....if I do dare say it, is almost like my soul mate. We have tons of things in common and I'm just......overwhelmed. Is that the word I'm looking for? Yeah, maybe.
Oh well.
Over loaded with love or not.......I've still go this headache and it's killing me. Gah....seriously. Am I like, a magnet for unwanted headaches?

Anyways, I'm going to stop writing and start concentrating on Blink 182 again. Oh and yes, I've made another vlog so for those of you who actually took the trouble to go to YouTube and search for me. Thank you people so much. =D
It means a lot. :)

Take care of me. Take me. Take care.

Last Note

Oh and a note to the top six people who the means more than the whole universe and beyond to me: WHERE THE FUCK ARE ALL YOU PEOPLE?!?

It's like you just got abducted in a really bad episode of 'The 4400'. -.-'

Maybe You Weren't Even There To Begin With

Current Song I'm Listening To: 'Paint Your Target' by Fightstar

Hah....Charlie is so right when he sang, 'You stumble through questions you could never answer. The barrel is loaded so go and paint your target.'
Which is true and all but I don't think people would appreciate me if I started painting them and then shoved a gun to their faces.

I'm here as always. I guess Vlogging isn't meant for me. Because, HEY GUESS WHAT.....I'm not popular. You know, I'm not even sure if many people even like me. But fuck it, I'm not going to be like Jimmy Edwards. I'm going to graduate and I'm going to be the top in my fucking field and I'll be the greatest psychologist to walk the face of this earth. Screw all you people in high school who thinks I'm a weirdo, I'm a freak, I'm a waste of space.....
It goes on doesn't it?
I guess what I'm mad about is......you remember those people in primary school that used to be your friends? That used to be your best friends and promised you they'd always be....?
And then when you step into high school they turn into completely different people and they don't even bother saying 'hi' to you anymore when you pass by them? It's like your friendship never existed. It's like you never met the person. When in actual truth, you've helped that person a lot more than her stupid so-called 'now' friends could ever begin to comprehend. But whatever, you know? It might've made a difference back then, but now.....Now, they just don't care. They don't care how close you were or how much you've helped them. Thinking about it again, it almost makes me want to wish that I never helped them out in the first place. I guess my weakness is, whenever someone needs me.....I'm there. Even if I don't want to. It's a part of who I am. I guess......

There is.....there is a lot of anger and hurt in me right now and half of it, I don't even understand why it's there. I want it to go away but it's biting into my thoughts. Besides my past that's bothering me, it's also my present life. I just.....gah.....I have the sentences in my head but I can't type them out.
I'm just....oh my God....I don't think I've ever been this frustrated before. And to add to it all, I can't even bloody say it.

Take care of me. Take me. Take care.

Beneath It All

Current Song I'm Listening To: 'I'm All Alone' by Knowledge

Nick Traina, I love you.
I wish I could've met you.
I wish there was some way to bring you back and give you a chance at living although, the way you endured your life was already perfect.
I wish wishes came true.

I was getting out of the shower a few moments ago when I caught myself in the mirror with my new 'hairstyle'. But at that time, I wasn't looking at the way I looked, in fact, I wasn't looking at all.....I was searching. I was searching for the person that I used to be, or will be. I don't know. I just wanted to know.......know who I am. I mean, sure, everyone knows who they are. But do they really?
I just....I want to find my true self. Because I know this person that's living my life, isn't really me. A question keeps coming into my mind, who am I? Like, really, who am I?
I wonder......ten years from now....who would I become? Would I still even be here? It's a scary thought but it's the truth. And even though we don't want to hear the damn truth......it won't stop being real.

I hate the person that I am right now. I hate myself for having no control over my 'problem'. I hate myself for feeling sick in the heart every time I hear his ex's name. I hate myself for feeling the jealousy that taints me every time we talk about his 'new relationship'. I hate the fact that I'll never be his.

I feel like giving up. I mean, there's no way I can fight this. There's just no damn way. No matter how hard I want it to go away, deep down, I know I can never give him up. Even if he hurts me until I'm broken beyond repair. I'll still love him.

Take care of me. Take me. Take care.

Let's Go Short

Current Song I'm Listening To: 'Apologize' by Timbaland feat. One Republic

Whooo....
I went to cut my hair today so now it's like.....damn short. Well, not so damn short but it's short. It's been a while since I had short hair so it feels really weird. And erm yeah....Pictures will be coming your way soon hopefully but my camera is retarded....as well as my phone (well, that's not retarded just the battery is dead) and I've got this massive headache. I think it's thanks to my tooth ache but yeah....whatever.

Anyway, if some of you have noticed on YouTube, I've made a vlog. Yes. I've turned into one of them now. :)
No worries, I'll still continue to write here because let's be honest.....I'm more of a writer anyway. :D
And I get more hits here than I do on YouTube. *laughs* Well....at least I think so. o.O
Yeah, I'm not as popular as some people so I don't think anyone are interested in my life. Well, except you people who are reading this of course! Although I'm not saying my life is interesting or anything....I'm just....gah....See? I told you my brain is a bit on the loopy side right now. Yeah, stupid, stupid, stupid headache. Go away! I'm not your rock!! And you, are definitely not a limpet.

La la la. Mel, there is nothing wrong with McFly videos. They just get naked a lot. Well, not a lot. They all just like to strip Dougie. Oh....ha....speaking of Dougie. I wrote something else. It's.....well, I'm not sure exactly what it is (I'm never sure anymore these days). It could be a poem....it could be something else....please if someone could figure out what are those things called....then please, do tell me. Or I'll start calling them something like 'Natasha's blurbs' or something. Okay, that was lame. I've got to admit. I'm not in the right mood for some reason. Anyway....moving on the with thingymajiggy thingy thing thing that I wrote.

A far away smile masked a tortured heart
Fragments of home were lost in a pool of anger
Burning away at the secret that was once kept
An endless sleep of sweet dreams turned to nightmares
Please save me from my own darkness
Because he has found his princess
And I've lost my prince.

Oh. My. God. Now that I've typed it out, I realized how sucky it really is. I was trying to do this thing that I've read somewhere. It's like, you write down a list of words in your head that you might want to use, and then just start writing from there. And if that was my end result. Gah.....There is something horribly wrong with me. I'm trying to figure it out. But I can't. I wish I had the answers. But wishes don't come true do they?

Sandra, where are you? You can't still be mapling.....Could you? It's like.....I haven't seen you around in ages. And the school holidays are about to end and we haven't even meet up. Not once.
I miss you by the way. And you too Mel and Div.

If my brain could talk, I'll bet it's screaming in agony right now. Yes, the headache is that bad. Right. I'm going to go find for some Panadols or something. And then I'm guessing my mum wants to watch some TV with me so yeah....

Take care of me. Take me. Take care.

I See It In Your Eyes

Current Song I'm Listening To: 'We Apologise For Nothing' by Fightstar

Hi. Well, the first thing I would like to say is Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Adha to any Muslims. And erm.....it's too early for Christmas greetings so I'll keep that one for now. *laughs*
Oh yum. Speaking of Christmas.....I've got a box of candy canes somewhere. *thinks*
Divya, I'm so proud of you! You blogged! *laughs*
Even through it was a teeny tiny post but who am I to talk? *points at my recent posts* It's been basically crap lately.

Wow. School is starting soon. I mean, yeah. Who's brilliant idea was it to start on the third anyway? Is the third? Are we starting on the third? Whatever.....I'm just....not looking forward to it. Next year's schedule is going to be so jam-packed it's fucking ridiculous. I don't think I'll be able to see the computer at all! *bottom lip quivers*
Speaking of that (not the lip thing, the computer thing), Myra, Sash and I were thinking to do a Vlog. Almost like a show kind of thingymajiggy. Wow. How fascinating. *laughs* But it's going to be awesome. So we're going to try and get it up on YouTube by Jan or Feb. And we'll try to do a video once a week. Well.....until after PMR that is. Then God knows how many hours we'd spend on the computer.

Gee.....no more fooling around next year. It's all about 'studies'. I feel like I'm sitting for GCSE's or something. Well, technically, PMR is as important as that. As well as SPM. Gah. I feel so unprepared. I mean, it's like sending me to a war without proper combat training and a dirty old boot to use as a weapon.

Wait. That didn't bloody make any sense. Anyway....I wrote something. It could be a poem....It could be a song. You be the judge.

It hurts
Taste the blood as it slides down my throat
Every shuddered breath, brings me closer to death
Crying over what I never even had to begin with
Filling an empty space with artificial love

It hurts
You left me standing on an empty road to no where
My tears fall to the ground, like glass it shatters
Like smoke you disappeared before I could hold on
Another wound to this endless pain.
It hurts....
It hurts....
It hurts....

Alright, alright. You can stop pissing in your pants with laughter now. I know. It sucks. Blue was wrong. 'Sorry' isn't the hardest thing to say, it's these three simple words:
I.
Love.
You.

Take care of me. Take me. Take care.
~Natasha~

Whisky and Lemons.....YUM!

Current Song I'm Listening To: Actually watching UCAP GHSF McFly right now on YouTube.

I.
Am.
So.
Damn.
Bored.


Please ignore the post below. I'm trying to delete it but my gay computer won't allow me to so erm yeah. Hi! :)
I'm Natasha and I am not fighting with anyone.
Lol.
Right, anyway.....as I've said earlier. I'm bored. Like, seriously.

Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I couldn't agree more, here's me and my randomness.

Okay, I agree, that was lame. But I don't know what to say but due to SOME people I am forced to blog. So here I am. :D Ngee....

Sash, Myra and I are obsessed with chipmunks right now. Well, Alvin and The Chipmunks to be even more precise. We were listening to Chipmunk version of a couple of songs last night including 'Baby Got Back' (that was a hellishly <>

Ngee.....wow....talk about multi-tasking. I'm trying to write my blog, while trying to watch a video on YouTube, while trying to read some fan fiction on Mugglenet, while trying to chat with my friends on WLM. I don't think I'm really taking anything in though.....LOL.

Right. Mel, I blogged. :P
Now. I need a bit of my concentration back.

Que sera sera *what will be, will be*

I've Got A Big Mess On My Hands

Current Song I'm Listening To: 'Everything We Had' by The Academy Is

So what are you saying then huh? You hate me?
Is that it?
You know, FUCK THIS. I wanted our bloody fucking friendship back but you just threw it in my face didn't you?
Well I GIVE UP.
I don't care anymore. HATE ME. I DON'T CARE!!!!!

You were my best friend. But I guess I should've learnt my lesson a long, long time ago and realize that the word 'best friend' is just a lie. It's only a word to get close to a person and then fucking destroy the person from inside.

Thanks for everything by the way.

Oh. My. God.

Current Song I'm Listening To: 'The World As We Know It' by Scary Kids Scaring Kids

Alright, so I'm totally freaking depressed. My blog layout sucks like hell. And I'm trying to figure out a way of making it awesome without using Photoshop (since my computer so obviously doesn't have one, and not that I have the skills to use it anyway) and also without using the ready made ones on the net. Because, let's be honest. Where's the originality? NOT that my blog is a good example of that but whatever.

Besides mourning for the lack of imagination in my blog layout, I'm also seething in jealousy because I just stumbled across the mcfly malaysia website on blogspot. I mean, I knew there was a McFly Malaysia Street Team but an entire website?
No way. Malaysia is too......too unknown to have known about McFly! True, they are an amazing band and I love them to bits. But gah.........
I feel like total crap now because, there's no point of me being here now is there? I wanted to be the one to make a website about McFly for Malaysia, but someone had already beaten me to it. Me and my lack of IT skills. I hate this. I hate feeling like this.
Seriously, there's no fucking point of me being here anymore.
I know, I know, you people are probably thinking that I should be happy about this right? Like, 'Oh my God. People in Malaysia aren't as lost as I thought they are! They actually know McFly!'
But to be perfectly honest, I'm not.

GAH.
And now I hate myself for acting like a real spoilt selfish brat. Is is possible for one to be ashamed and angry at oneself while at the same time you're jealous and hurt? Oh wait. It is.
Seriously. The theme song of my life shouldn't be 'All The Small Things' by Blink 182. It should be, 'Young And Hopeless' by Good Charlotte.
Cos that's obviously what I am.

Que bloody sera sera

The Bull's Eye You Made in My Heart

Song I'm Currently Listening To: 'Baby's Coming Back' (Dougie Version) by McFly

Christmas is round the corner and I'm.....erm.....in a 'sort of' festive mood. Was wondering if I should change the layout of my blog but since I'm no expert in using html's and all that crap. Yeah, better just leave it. Speaking of layouts, check out the new layout on dougie-poynter.com

It izzzzz amaaaaaaaziiiiiiing!!!!!!!

So lately, I've been obsessed with guys. ;] Their just so yummy, don't you think? Well, one particular guy is anyway. He's been my boy candy for four years.......so a round of applause for Mr. Dougie Lee Poynter, for managing to capture my heart for all these years. Seriously, this is the longest 'addiction' I've had. Four years.....wow.....that's.....that's 48 months. :D

Right.

Well I'm bored, and I miss my friends a heck lot. Yes, yes, yes.....that means YOU PEOPLE (Melissa, Sandra and Divya) you're the only three that I haven't seen AT ALL during this school holidays. How do you expect me to survive???? I've just been scraping by with talking to you all on WLM. I need MOOOOOORE.......

That's it, we're all going out on Saturday to watch 'Alvin and The Chipmunks'. :D Yes Sash, Mye and Bai. You three as well. We'll have a huge, HUUUUGE out-ing. It'll be us and......and.....the rest of the shopping mall.

Alright, alright......my humour is in a retarded place right now. I shall now entertain you people with a couple of McFly/Dougie pictures that I've got from my collection (grrrr.....I've only got 984 picts. A couple more 'till 1000!!!!!!)
Note: I don't own McFly nor do I know them (would I be here otherwise?) and of course, this pictures are entirely copyrighted to their owners.

Erm.......to be honest......I think Dougie looks mighty fine in a skirt. *winks*

Awwww.......Santa's little helpers!!! :D

Oh my God!!! Look who it is!!!! It's Tom Fletcher and his future wife, Myra!!!! : ) May all your wishes come true Mye.

Fishing for cats huh, Dougie? The kitten looks like Sash's 'Dr. Grey'!!!!! Tom, did you clone Grey?!?!

They said 'love is blind'. Well I guess now we know why.

Hmmm anyway.....I think I should start writing some fan fictions before I go seriously crazy (well, crazier than I already am). There Mel. I blogged. : B

Que sera sera *what will be, will be*

Sane girl. Same life. Different Problems.

Song That I'm Currently Listening To: '25 Minutes' by Michael Learns How To Rock

Hi.
So erm.....I'm back (gee, way to point out the obvious Tash). Anyway.....it was fun. Sort of. If you look at 'playing PS2 the entire day' fun. I'm not complaining. At least its a holiday trip sort of thing because I know that this would be my only one for the entire school holidays. Yes, unlike any other family that's going overseas, I'm stuck here in Malaysia.
Anyway, that's beside the point. What I really wanted to say was......
Well, I don't really know how to say it without mentioning names. I know, I wanted my blog to have 'real facts' behind it but I really don't want to hurt any feelings.
I'm pretty sure some feelings are already hurt enough. Or to be perfectly honest, BRUISED and SCRATCHED BEYOND RECOGNIZATION. Take mine for instance. Look, I'm just going to do the best I can without mentioning names. I think you know who you are anyway.

You know, I really don't understand you. Do you think that in some twisted weird way I want her all to myself or something? Do you REALLY think that? I thought we're supposed to be best friends? How are we suppose to be that if we can't fucking trust each other? Look, I know you've been having a couple of rough weeks, family and that shitty camp and everything but there's no reason to take it out on ME. Or even her. She needed a friend to be there. I just wasn't doing anything, so she asked me. YOU were away. She WANTED to ask you (note the underline). I know you can't help being away, I mean, it's not your fault or anything that your mum sent you to that camp. But please, please, please look at it reasonably, we both love you. We both look at you as one of our greatest friends. Do you really think that we went together and left you in KL out of spite? Pull yourself together woman and think it through!
I hate it when we fight.
I hate hurting you.
I don't want to be the person hurting you.
So if you think that I'm like this wall between you and her. Then fine. I'll go. If that'll make you happy.
I'll go.
Okay?

Que sera sera *what will be, will be*

At Least We'll Have A Moment Before We Say Goodbye

Current Song I'm Listening To: 'Miss You' by Westlife

I really shouldn't be listening to this song.
Yes.
No.
I'm still not over it.
Fuck off.
I love him.
Yes.
Yes, I do.
Forever.
I mean it.
He's my everything.
I'll be heading for PD tomorrow.
Just so you know.
Bye everyone.
Yes.
I'll be thinking of him every second of my life.

Que sera sera *what will be, will be*

Out of My Mind......Leave A Message

Current Song I'm Listening To: Baizura talking on the phone

Hi. Well, I'm bored. As per usual. Nothing new in that. La la la. Oh Gaaaaawd......I'm so......sad right now. Not sad as in pathetic 'sad'. I meant sad, SAD.

Why?

Dougie has a new girlfriend. Even if they aren't in a relationship, he's madly in love with her and yeah.....then there's....................well......me.

Erm yeah.

I was bored. And sad. I needed something to do. GAH.

Que sera sera *what will be, will be*

Countdown!!!

I made this widget at MyFlashFetish.com.

:D

It's 10am and I'm already bored. Rawr...

Que sera sera *what will be, will be*

The Video

Right....I promised you....So here it is. Muchos besos!!





Still hot from processing. :D
Ngee hee.

Que sera sera *what will be, will be*

My Utter Boredom Has Resulted Into.....

Current Song I'm Listening To: 'Young and Hopeless' by Good Charlotte oh, and Baizura's talking on the phone.

SO!

Second post of the day.....muahahah....




See? This is what happens when I'm bored. Blame yourselves for my wild imaginations and now you have to put up with them!!

Oh wait.....wait.....WAIT!!!



Do you see the similarity? :D (Yes, yes, yes, I know that Danny's picture is from the 'I'll Be Okay' video shoot and I put 'I Wanna Hold You' on my picture but that was only because the stupid font didn't have that hyphen thing)

Ha ha ha. Anyway, I'm off for a much needed shower. Oh yes, before I forget. I made another video. I'm posting it on YouTube as we speak. Or it could be in Mel's blog already. :P (I need to start linking people)
I'll post it up here once the processing thingymajiggy thingy thing things are done. :D

Que sera sera *what will be, will be*

My Personal Rollercoaster Ride

Current Song I'm Listening To: 'Look What Happened' by Less Than Jake

BLOODY HELL!!!!
Have I mentioned how much I hate getting X-rays??? Well if I haven't, you've read it now. I hate, hate, HATE it! I have no idea why. I guess it's the thing about being in a room on your own and this huge machine making circles around you. It's bloody........scary. I know, how weird of me. I love all things paranormal but when it comes to huge machines, watch me run!
I swear, the moment the lady left me in that room, I felt my heart beat faster and faster as if I was on the carnival ride.......the one that does 360 degree turns. Yeah, that. I hate that. Fortunately, my dad loves it so he always drags me onto them. :S

Okay, moving on from my 'phobia'. My teeth are more complicated than I thought they were. I mean, how complicated could teeth get?
Apparently, very.
Seriously, I feel like 'Jaws'. My dentist, Dr. Sarah, kept on saying how my teeth are overlapping one another so she's going to set up an appointment for me with another doctor (Dr. Puteri) so that I can extract three of my permanent teeth (ow!).

Alright, alright, alright......I need to stop talking about teeth. It's not like any of you are interested about my very weird dental history. Well, unless any of you are budding dentists. <<>
Right. Anyway......
My dad allowed me to go for the PD trip so, yay me! Of course now I actually have to get round to packing. And if you know me well........I really, REALLY dislike packing. Actually, its the same with unpacking as well. I don't know. I just leave the clothes in my suitcase when I get back, and when I need the things inside the suitcase, I just take them out and eventually the suitcase will be empty.
But of course, by then I have to re-pack again cos we're going somewhere else.

La la la.....It's only 3.45pm here in Malaysia. Gee.....I'm so bored. I'm counting down the hours till Friday.....
It's so looooong....
Gah!
No one is online. Well, except for Mel. But she just went offline. I'm guessing either her sister or there was a disconnection.
I miss talking to him. Which I know is pretty pathetic because I chatted with him like what? Two nights ago?
Yeah.
I really don't want to act all clingy but sometimes you can't fight off that urge, you know? It's so annoying. I wish I had this big fly swatter thing.......so that I could swat those feelings away. Or better yet, just SMOOSH them on the wall.

Question: What do you people do when you're bored?

Yeah cos I have no idea what to do. Well, I did have an idea to like, scale down the side of my house but I don't think my dad would approve of that too much. :S
Jogging would be a better option but of course I had already went this morning and my iPod batteries are like......dead.
Note to self: Charge them before leaving for PD.
Oh! Yes, yes, yes......I nearly forgot! I finished reading 'New Moon'. Go me! Ha ha ha. Can't wait to finally get the final book of the series. Not sure when that will be though. -.-'

Right now I want to take random pictures of the sky outside my house (according to some people, the sky outside my house is AMAZING) but there's nothing spectacular going on with the sky right now. It's only 4pm for God's sake. What can I expect at this hour? The clouds miraculously turning green for my own benefit?
HAR
Green clouds. Will the rain be green too? Oh my God. It'll be like nuclear acid is raining on Earth. Although, I wouldn't be surprised with the amount of pollution going on in the world. We need more rain.
Stupid global warming.
I hate it. It scares the freak out of me. Like, the Atlantic melting and all those things. *shudders* Freeeeeaky.
By the way, I support Al-Gore all the way so whoever the hell that doesn't support him, well........just shut up. :)

La la la.....Okay, that's it. I'm going to find for something to do.

Que sera sera *what will be, will be*

A Late Night Early Morning Post!

Current Song I'm Listening To: Watching Charlie on YouTube. :) That guy is so amazing.

So it's like......1am. My shoulder is killing me cos I've been online for 9 hours straight. Haven't beaten my 11 hour record yet so I think I'm still good. At least, I hope the computer won't burst into flames. :S

La la la......sooooo.....I'm reading New Moon right now. Yes, I am really that slow. Not much for me to do right now except read and possibly write. But I'm still kinda worn out from that workshop (brainstorming and sleeping everyday at 4am hasn't done any good for my complexion, I think I might be able to pass of as a vampire soon). My henna tattoo on my hand is fading away. Hmmmm......The design is cool. Sort of. If you like long squiggly lines anyway.

SO, dentist appointment tomorrow (well, more like TODAY)......Gonna take the fitting for my braces. I think. Oh God. I can't imagine myself with braces. Isn't it bad enough I wear glasses? Oh well. I'll pull it off. Somehow.
Nothing much happened today. I spent most of my time.....erm......reading. And......getting pissed at people. Ha ha ha. Nah, not really.

Talking to Sash online.....She's wondering why on earth would I want to take a shower at god forsaking 1am (cold shower, my house UNFORTUNATELY has no heater. -.-') and my reason was: I don't like nightmares.
Well I don't! I just happen to get them when I go to bed and I'm not clean.
Oh shyte, I've got to go down to the kitchen to take water. Yes, I drink like a camel before bed. La la la. I hate the dark. I know there's nothing to be afraid of. Well, there are TONS of things to be afraid of.
Of course if Edward Cullen was there I wouldn't mind it so much. :D
Ha ha ha. Seriously, everyone is so in love with Edward. Including me! Ha ha ha. But I like Lestat too (haven't heard of him? Read/watch 'Interview With A Vampire'). Speaking of Lestat! YAY ME!!!
I found the DVD!!!! *starts doing a Chicken Little dance*

Argh.
My.
Shoulder.
Is.
Killing.
Me.

I need sleep. I think I need it. I mean, I've got to wake up in like.....less than 5 hours from now. But I'm not the slightest bit sleepy. Note to you people reading: When you're bored, don't sleep in the afternoon! Cos when you do, you might end up sleeping for four hours like me and end up having insomnia at night!!!

Insomnia......I love that word. Insomnia, insomnia, INSOMNIA. Ha ha ha. I miss Myra. Myra, you really need to give us that address to that house so that Sash and I can kidnap you. You and your 'British accent'. Ha ha ha.

Hmmmm.....I wonder what McFly are doing.....Speaking of McFly! I've submitted my video for the Greatest Hits Competition.....I know, I know, talk about late entry! I mean, it's already the 5th of December. Here.
Well nothing much to do but sit with crossed fingers, yeah?
But I don't think we'll win. I mean, the video was kinda suckish. People kept telling me, 'As long as you had fun making the video, it doesn't matter about the results'. And I did! I mean, watching it. It made me think of how lucky I am to have friends like you guys (yes, special mention to Melissa, Sandra, Divya, Myra, Sash and Bai. You guys rock my socks off!!).

Okay, I need to pee. That should really be my tagline. Since I'm beginning to realize how often I say that. Shazmeer is so mean to me. He said that should be my new nick name, 'GoPEE'. -.-'
I shall get back at him for it one day......

Que sera sera *what will be, will be*

The Worst of It All

Current Song I'm Listening To: 'Pieces' by Sum 41

Well, its Monday. Kinda a bad day for me since I just naturally hate Mondays. It's the beginning of everything new. New week (although technically Sunday is the beginning of the week but whatever), new problems (well not exactly, same old problem) and of course, new pain. Okay, so maybe it's the same pain but its either gotten bigger or maybe I just shrunk. Yeah, I'm hardly eating these days. There's no point. I mean, there's nothing to eat anyway. Not in my house that is. So yeah.....I just sit and erm......stare at the walls.

No, no. I'm not as pathetic as that. Or am I? Nah, my way of ignoring the pain inside of me is I sit, watch some DVD's and read and write. Since those are the only things I'm able to do without much effort. Seriously, 'making effort' is the last thing on my mind right now. Why all the pain, you wonder?
Well its like this, I have a friend whose ex-gf goes to the same school as him. And she told my friend that he is already in love with someone else and basically doesn't have any other interest in any other girls. Erm yeah......so then there's me. Gee, how awesome right?

Urgh, I hope my dad allows me to go to PD with Baizura. I need a vacation. I need to get out of here and I just need.....I don't know....a nice clean hotel with a view of the beach perhaps? No don't worry. I'm not going to drown myself in the ocean. Although that does sound tempting. :P
Maybe I'll just sit by the beach and write some totally emo poems?
Yeah that sounds like something I would do. And take pictures of the darkening skies. Ha ha ha. Gaaaaaaaaawd.......I so hope I can go. I really want to!
Well obviously, who doesn't want to spend time with their friends?

Que sera sera *what will be, will be*

The Past Six Days

Current Song I'm Listening To: 'Heels Over Head' by Boys Like Girls

Greetings everyone! Sooooo......ignore my random hyper-ness. I think I'm high on iced tea right now so erm yeah!
Right anyway, my birthday.............I'd like to thank everyone who wished me. It was pretty touching despite the fact I wasn't really looking forward to it. So erm......the best birthday present so far came in the form of a really cute guy at my writer's workshop. But I ain't mentioning any names in case he stumbles across my blog one day. Although.....I think I might have screwed up my chances with him so I should try and forget about him right now. Urgh.....there goes my happy-go-lucky mood. -.-'
Seriously, I was just so obvious. I mean, I might as well have worn a sign around my neck saying, 'Hey *insert name here*, I have this HUGE INTERGALACTIC crush on you!!!!'. Yeah, that would have caught his attention.

Pssshttt....

Anyway, yesterday was Dougie's birthday. I wished him on McFly's myspace but judging by the shit loads of fans McFly has, or to be more precise, shit loads of fans Dougie has, I don't think he saw my birthday wish. So I'm just gonna say it here, "Happy Belated Birthday Dougie!!!! Ha ha ha.....Your old. And you can finally drive!!!!! Yay Dougie! =D"

Funnily enough, today was Andrea's birthday and its still not too late to wish her HAPPY BIRTHDAY again. We got some pretty awesome pictures to remember this day. :D It was all so worth getting up in the morning for. Well, minus the part where I texted him (yes, that's what I'll refer him as for now) cos I didn't have any will power in me to wait anymore so I made the first move and after two very VERY short texts........he never replied. I'm trying not to take it personally......I mean, he could be busy and all that stuff. So erm yeah.......now I'm just coping by listening to music and talking to Mel (thanks Mel).

Okay, this was a pretty damn short post. Sorry but it's late (for a person whom hasn't been getting more than 4 hours worth of sleep this past week) and I just need my bed. And my erm......pillows. =)

Que sera sera *what will be, will be*