Current Song I'm Listening To: 'Down and Out' by The Academy Is
Being born is like being kidnapped. And then sold into slavery. - William Shakespeare
3 hours and 21 more minutes till it's officially my birthday. Whoop dee do. *Note the sarcasm*
Yes. I'm bitter. Fuck off.
I don't even know why I'm writing this. I guess I just needed somewhere to rant away my problems and worries. But then again, even after I blogged. It doesn't help.
I don't know what's wrong with me right now. I'm talking to Mel on WLM and I'm wishing that I'd stop being so hard on her. It's not her fault that I'm bitter. I want to reach out and call for help but then again........who is out there to help me?
I'm tired. I'm sick. I'm scared. I'm helpless. I'm hopeless. I'm unloved. I'm bitter. I'm suicidal. I just wish I could find the answer to all the questions in my head.
Que sera sera *what will be, will be*
Sunday, 25 November 2007
Saturday, 24 November 2007
My Life Reads Like The Classifieds
Current Song I'm Listening To: 'Classifieds' by The Academy Is
I think I'm slowly falling in love with William Beckett from The Academy Is. But of course I'm still not willing of giving up on Dougie. I don't know. I know I suffer from this........this sickness and I need to let go if I ever want to be cured but its like......like I said before. The minute I loosen just a fraction of an inch, I tighten my grip again by ten times.
So moving on from that piece of misery......Woke up this morning to the tunes of +44's song 'When Your Heart Stops Beating' at around 6.30am. I had planned to go jogging the night before but I was too tired to get myself out of bed. So in the end I just gave up and switched off the alarm and went back to sleep. Woke up again at around 10 something since my mum was annoying me. She wanted to watch One Tree Hill since I borrowed the DVD's from Sash. Seriously, I think my mum is an even more hardcore fan than me. Not that I ever was! I mean, I like One Tree Hill, Sash, but I think I'll stick to Friends thank you very much. Even though the seasons are over. *sniff sniff*
Yeah....then we left the house at about 3 something cos my mum wanted to visit some of my relatives that came down from Mecca......and I didn't want to go so she dropped me off at Bai's house instead. Yeah. I didn't know that I'd be crashing on her and Myra so I feel bad. And kinda.....I don't know.......something else......I just don't know what.
And well it's 10pm now.....Mye is probably still there..... *shrugs* Whatever.
I've got Sash and William Beckett to keep me company. I guess....
Yeah sorry for the short post. I somehow am not in the mood to blog anymore. Mel, Sand, Div......I miss you guys. ='(
Que sera sera *what will be, will be*
I think I'm slowly falling in love with William Beckett from The Academy Is. But of course I'm still not willing of giving up on Dougie. I don't know. I know I suffer from this........this sickness and I need to let go if I ever want to be cured but its like......like I said before. The minute I loosen just a fraction of an inch, I tighten my grip again by ten times.
So moving on from that piece of misery......Woke up this morning to the tunes of +44's song 'When Your Heart Stops Beating' at around 6.30am. I had planned to go jogging the night before but I was too tired to get myself out of bed. So in the end I just gave up and switched off the alarm and went back to sleep. Woke up again at around 10 something since my mum was annoying me. She wanted to watch One Tree Hill since I borrowed the DVD's from Sash. Seriously, I think my mum is an even more hardcore fan than me. Not that I ever was! I mean, I like One Tree Hill, Sash, but I think I'll stick to Friends thank you very much. Even though the seasons are over. *sniff sniff*
Yeah....then we left the house at about 3 something cos my mum wanted to visit some of my relatives that came down from Mecca......and I didn't want to go so she dropped me off at Bai's house instead. Yeah. I didn't know that I'd be crashing on her and Myra so I feel bad. And kinda.....I don't know.......something else......I just don't know what.
And well it's 10pm now.....Mye is probably still there..... *shrugs* Whatever.
I've got Sash and William Beckett to keep me company. I guess....
Yeah sorry for the short post. I somehow am not in the mood to blog anymore. Mel, Sand, Div......I miss you guys. ='(
Que sera sera *what will be, will be*
Friday, 23 November 2007
Death is Going To Catch Up To All One Day, But Your's Is Coming Quicker
Song I'm Currently Listening To: 'The Phrase That Pays' by The Academy Is
William Beckett is hot. :P Like freakishly hot. Well not as much as Dougie (I don't think anyone can beat him) but you know.....generally talking.
Anyway, I didn't really do much today.......I slept at about 1am last night and woke up somewhere around 3am because even though the itchiness has gone, my coughs still haven't.....and I couldn't go back to sleep until about an hour later. And then I woke up at 12.40pm thanks to maid knocking on my door as if the house was on fire, asking me to get up and eat lunch. -.-'
Then I went online for while, saw no one was online and then I went off. Slept for about another couple more hours and then woke up somewhere near six-ish. Made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and sat on the sofa watching Friends (from my collection). And then went back online around seven-ish 'till now.
Interesting day, no?
HAR. Well.....not much to talk about. I've been watching the making of videos for the past couple of minutes. Mostly Blink 182. Since I've watched all of McFly's.
Urgh.....Mel, Sand, Div when can we get together? I want to see you guys. I want my bad days to end and allow the good ones to come. Fortunately, my good days only happen to me when I'm spending time with my best friends. So what do you say?
My English sucks at the moment, I know. A couple days of the school holidays and I've already forgotten how to spell 'bottle'. :D
That's how pathetic I am.
Oh my mum got me a new DVD (fortunately Stardust still isn't out *sighs*). It's called 'Another Perfect Stranger' and its a sequel to 'The Perfect Stranger' but the thing is, I've never even watched 'The Perfect Stranger' (I think), so I'm not sure how I'm going to understand the movie. Can anyone tell me where can I get the DVD for 'Interview With The Vampire'? Cos I reeeeeeally want it. It's one of my most favourite movies. Well, it's somewhere in my tops. I've got too many favourite movies. Let me list them out. But I'm not going to follow any ranks since I can't seem to rank them for some reason. Anyway.....
Back To The Future (1, 2 and 3)
Troy
Greece
Cleopatra
Interview With The Vampire
Zodiac
Pearl Harbour
Grind
Love Actually
Casanova
Benchwarmers
The Matrix
Constantine
Oh my God. Speaking of Constantine. I didn't know that Keanu Reeves starred in 'Dracula'. I've got to see that. Wait. I think I did. HOLD ON. I DID see the movie. Oh geez.....how can I not realize it was Keanu? He is like, one of my favourite actors (along side Matthew Perry and Jim Carrey of course). =D
Que sera sera *what will be, will be*
William Beckett is hot. :P Like freakishly hot. Well not as much as Dougie (I don't think anyone can beat him) but you know.....generally talking.
Anyway, I didn't really do much today.......I slept at about 1am last night and woke up somewhere around 3am because even though the itchiness has gone, my coughs still haven't.....and I couldn't go back to sleep until about an hour later. And then I woke up at 12.40pm thanks to maid knocking on my door as if the house was on fire, asking me to get up and eat lunch. -.-'
Then I went online for while, saw no one was online and then I went off. Slept for about another couple more hours and then woke up somewhere near six-ish. Made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and sat on the sofa watching Friends (from my collection). And then went back online around seven-ish 'till now.
Interesting day, no?
HAR. Well.....not much to talk about. I've been watching the making of videos for the past couple of minutes. Mostly Blink 182. Since I've watched all of McFly's.
Urgh.....Mel, Sand, Div when can we get together? I want to see you guys. I want my bad days to end and allow the good ones to come. Fortunately, my good days only happen to me when I'm spending time with my best friends. So what do you say?
My English sucks at the moment, I know. A couple days of the school holidays and I've already forgotten how to spell 'bottle'. :D
That's how pathetic I am.
Oh my mum got me a new DVD (fortunately Stardust still isn't out *sighs*). It's called 'Another Perfect Stranger' and its a sequel to 'The Perfect Stranger' but the thing is, I've never even watched 'The Perfect Stranger' (I think), so I'm not sure how I'm going to understand the movie. Can anyone tell me where can I get the DVD for 'Interview With The Vampire'? Cos I reeeeeeally want it. It's one of my most favourite movies. Well, it's somewhere in my tops. I've got too many favourite movies. Let me list them out. But I'm not going to follow any ranks since I can't seem to rank them for some reason. Anyway.....
Back To The Future (1, 2 and 3)
Troy
Greece
Cleopatra
Interview With The Vampire
Zodiac
Pearl Harbour
Grind
Love Actually
Casanova
Benchwarmers
The Matrix
Constantine
Oh my God. Speaking of Constantine. I didn't know that Keanu Reeves starred in 'Dracula'. I've got to see that. Wait. I think I did. HOLD ON. I DID see the movie. Oh geez.....how can I not realize it was Keanu? He is like, one of my favourite actors (along side Matthew Perry and Jim Carrey of course). =D
Que sera sera *what will be, will be*
Thursday, 22 November 2007
My Life Has Lost All Meaning
Current Song I'm Listening To: 'Passive' by A Perfect Circle
Spent today at Sash's house with Mye and Sash. Watched 'Grind'. Again. And then we watched 'A Lot Like Love', Ashton, you don't look hot in this movie, I'm sorry to say.
So.....reason why I'm not in my usual chirpy mood of explaining and elaborating everything? Well, you can thank all this to my stupid dumb ass family and their stupid fucking judgments.
I hate myself.
I hate myself for believing their lies.
I hate myself for caring so much about this.
I hate myself because I feel like I'm acting like a spoilt brat.
And I hate myself for devoting my entire life, hopes and even dreams to loving Dougie Poynter.
I was suppose to go to England. This December. I've been waiting to go on this trip since what? 2 years ago? And obviously I got all excited and stuff cos the last time I had been there was when I was nine. And then I got even more excited when my mum told me that she wasn't going, so I was just going with my grandmum and granddad. And then........today......they told me that I wasn't going. Cos they felt like my presence wasn't needed on this trip. My uncle is graduating (for the second time, he's doing his Masters now) and since I'd been there during his first graduation. I don't need to attend this one.
*sighs*
Two years of putting all my fucking hope on this trip. Oh. And that's not the only thing that hurts, everyone I know seems to be going somewhere this holidays. So basically, I'll be the only one wasting my life away here in GOD FORSAKEN DUMB ASS MALAYSIA.
I'm not embarrassed to say that I'm crying as I type all this because I'm sick of putting my hopes up so high and then having them crash around my ears.
You know, I know life is unfair but........this just hurts too much.
Maybe I don't want life anymore.
It's fucking stupid, all that I seem to be getting is just hurt, pain and even more hurt. And all for what?
It's not like at the end of all the pain I've gone through, Dougie would be waiting at the end of it with loving eyes and a wedding ring in hand.
There will just be me. And a broken empty road.
Que sera sera *what will be, will be*
Spent today at Sash's house with Mye and Sash. Watched 'Grind'. Again. And then we watched 'A Lot Like Love', Ashton, you don't look hot in this movie, I'm sorry to say.
So.....reason why I'm not in my usual chirpy mood of explaining and elaborating everything? Well, you can thank all this to my stupid dumb ass family and their stupid fucking judgments.
I hate myself.
I hate myself for believing their lies.
I hate myself for caring so much about this.
I hate myself because I feel like I'm acting like a spoilt brat.
And I hate myself for devoting my entire life, hopes and even dreams to loving Dougie Poynter.
I was suppose to go to England. This December. I've been waiting to go on this trip since what? 2 years ago? And obviously I got all excited and stuff cos the last time I had been there was when I was nine. And then I got even more excited when my mum told me that she wasn't going, so I was just going with my grandmum and granddad. And then........today......they told me that I wasn't going. Cos they felt like my presence wasn't needed on this trip. My uncle is graduating (for the second time, he's doing his Masters now) and since I'd been there during his first graduation. I don't need to attend this one.
*sighs*
Two years of putting all my fucking hope on this trip. Oh. And that's not the only thing that hurts, everyone I know seems to be going somewhere this holidays. So basically, I'll be the only one wasting my life away here in GOD FORSAKEN DUMB ASS MALAYSIA.
I'm not embarrassed to say that I'm crying as I type all this because I'm sick of putting my hopes up so high and then having them crash around my ears.
You know, I know life is unfair but........this just hurts too much.
Maybe I don't want life anymore.
It's fucking stupid, all that I seem to be getting is just hurt, pain and even more hurt. And all for what?
It's not like at the end of all the pain I've gone through, Dougie would be waiting at the end of it with loving eyes and a wedding ring in hand.
There will just be me. And a broken empty road.
Que sera sera *what will be, will be*
Tuesday, 20 November 2007
The Empire Is Falling
Current Song I'm Listening To: Nothing actually, I'm watching YouTube as I type this out.
Tuesday. Hmmm.....I spent the entire day at Baizura's. Literally. And spent the entire day playing her PlayStation 2. Again, literally. Guitar Heroes III is amazing. I love, love, LOVE it. =D
Anyway, while playing the game I got an idea on how to write a fan fiction (yes, another one) so I'm planning to write it right now but my droopy eyes are preventing me from looking at the screen. Plus, I'm watching YouTube right now, McFly Life or something along those lines. All I know is, I haven't seen it, so I need to watch it. At least before Sash does. Cos when she does, then I'll just feel like the hopeless fan since I'm supposedly the one that spread the McFly disease around and yet now I'm acting like one old geezer whose not been updated for the past twenty years or so.
The thing about me is, I really don't care about the other band members. I mean, I DO. But not as much as I care for Dougie. So if it has nothing to do with him, sometimes I'll just skip watching the interview or something like that. I know, I'm pathetic. And annoying. And a lot more other bad things, I just can't remember them right now cos my mind isn't up to its normal state. I don't think any of you would be able to understand me now anyway. I think its cos I spent the entire day staring at the TV playing Guitar Heroes III. No. Seriously. I think we began somewhere around 10am in the morning, and stopped at about 6.20pm.
I surprised myself with my 'amazing skills'. Ha ha ha.
Oh God. Headache go away! I don't want to be your friend!!!
Well, the good thing is, those rashes I've been having has gone. And so has all the itchiness. So yay me. Now I think I just need some sleep. But the fan fiction calls out my name. Of course. I can't ignore it. The ideas are piling up in my head. Don't you just hate it when that happens? You have tons and ideas and all that shit when you're NOT at the computer and then when you do sit in front of the computer, you just stare at the empty monitor screen and go, "Now what the hell was the idea again?"
-.-'
So I'm going to go before the ideas run from the asylum they call 'Natasha's Mind'.
Que sera sera *what will be, will be*
Tuesday. Hmmm.....I spent the entire day at Baizura's. Literally. And spent the entire day playing her PlayStation 2. Again, literally. Guitar Heroes III is amazing. I love, love, LOVE it. =D
Anyway, while playing the game I got an idea on how to write a fan fiction (yes, another one) so I'm planning to write it right now but my droopy eyes are preventing me from looking at the screen. Plus, I'm watching YouTube right now, McFly Life or something along those lines. All I know is, I haven't seen it, so I need to watch it. At least before Sash does. Cos when she does, then I'll just feel like the hopeless fan since I'm supposedly the one that spread the McFly disease around and yet now I'm acting like one old geezer whose not been updated for the past twenty years or so.
The thing about me is, I really don't care about the other band members. I mean, I DO. But not as much as I care for Dougie. So if it has nothing to do with him, sometimes I'll just skip watching the interview or something like that. I know, I'm pathetic. And annoying. And a lot more other bad things, I just can't remember them right now cos my mind isn't up to its normal state. I don't think any of you would be able to understand me now anyway. I think its cos I spent the entire day staring at the TV playing Guitar Heroes III. No. Seriously. I think we began somewhere around 10am in the morning, and stopped at about 6.20pm.
I surprised myself with my 'amazing skills'. Ha ha ha.
Oh God. Headache go away! I don't want to be your friend!!!
Well, the good thing is, those rashes I've been having has gone. And so has all the itchiness. So yay me. Now I think I just need some sleep. But the fan fiction calls out my name. Of course. I can't ignore it. The ideas are piling up in my head. Don't you just hate it when that happens? You have tons and ideas and all that shit when you're NOT at the computer and then when you do sit in front of the computer, you just stare at the empty monitor screen and go, "Now what the hell was the idea again?"
-.-'
So I'm going to go before the ideas run from the asylum they call 'Natasha's Mind'.
Que sera sera *what will be, will be*
Monday, 19 November 2007
Give Me A Break
Current Song I'm Listening To: "If You're Not The One" by Daniel Beddingfield
Well, I finished making my first video. It was meant for Dougie's birthday present but I decided it was just a lil' on the dark side. And it scares me how much I acutally feel for him. *bites my lip*
Anyway, here's the embeded code. Cos I tried uploading it with Blogger but it took ages (I waited for more than three hours) so I gave up.
It's suckish. I know. Constructive critcism deeply appreciated!
Well, I finished making my first video. It was meant for Dougie's birthday present but I decided it was just a lil' on the dark side. And it scares me how much I acutally feel for him. *bites my lip*
Anyway, here's the embeded code. Cos I tried uploading it with Blogger but it took ages (I waited for more than three hours) so I gave up.
It's suckish. I know. Constructive critcism deeply appreciated!
So anyways, today........mostly I've been feeling lonely. For some reason. I don't know. Urgh. This is a crappy post. Ignore me.
Que sera sera *what will be, will be*
Sunday, 18 November 2007
My Self-Medications
This is my own retarded way to get myself happy again.
Dougie looks so cute here. And at the last part......awwww...... =D
Mmmm.....Tom eating......poor chicken though.
The endurance test they had for Dougie before they sent him up to space made Dougie look soooooo hot. Am I allowed to lick him? ;]
I want Tom's NASA shirt.
Kids, note to selves, never jump off the roof of a house without wearing crotch pads.
Wow, Dougie runs fast in Newport. Well I guess he has to learn.
The girl in 'Obviously' makes me think of Blair Waldorf from the book 'Gossip Girl'. -.-'
Bug eating contest of Cambridge. Lil Chris.....you are awesome! "Ohhh....oh no....mmmph....that's not pleasant!" LOL. Awww....poor Dougie. Stupid black ants. -.-'
Anyway, lunch is calling. Hopefully it's not bugs!!
Que sera sera *what will be, will be*
Dougie looks so cute here. And at the last part......awwww...... =D
Mmmm.....Tom eating......poor chicken though.
The endurance test they had for Dougie before they sent him up to space made Dougie look soooooo hot. Am I allowed to lick him? ;]
I want Tom's NASA shirt.
Kids, note to selves, never jump off the roof of a house without wearing crotch pads.
Wow, Dougie runs fast in Newport. Well I guess he has to learn.
The girl in 'Obviously' makes me think of Blair Waldorf from the book 'Gossip Girl'. -.-'
Bug eating contest of Cambridge. Lil Chris.....you are awesome! "Ohhh....oh no....mmmph....that's not pleasant!" LOL. Awww....poor Dougie. Stupid black ants. -.-'
Anyway, lunch is calling. Hopefully it's not bugs!!
Que sera sera *what will be, will be*
Mel's Birthday Post
Current Song I'm Listening To: "You Can't Lose What You Never Had" by Westlife
On the first note I'd like to say, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY MELISSA!!!!!"
Ngeeee...... =D
You ah.....you sure you don't want presents? It feels weird not to give someone a birthday present on their birthday, especially one of my best friends!!!! So I'm going to dedicate this blog post to you. Anyway, I'm sorry for not being able to make it to the Cable Car thing with you and the rest today. My dad......well, you know. He's.......he's my equivalent of a ball-and-chain thing.
Speaking of birthdays, mine is coming up. Four days before Dougie's. Oooohhh.....I need to finish the birthday video I was planning on making for him. But its kinda weird since it's suppose to be for him BUT the video is going to be filled with him. -.-'
Maybe I should re-think this. But I can't think of anymore ideas! I don't live in England for God's sakes! And since I've been absent from Dougiefied for ages thanks to my stupid computer, they left me out of the Dougie scrapbook thing and yeah.......I feel really bad. I love him so much and I can't do anything for his birthday. Not that he'd care. I mean, he doesn't even know I exist right?
So yeah, presents. Seriously, I should really just give up on caring about anything besides my best friends. I'll just get hurt. And I hate getting hurt. I hate that pain inside of you that eats you alive and takes over every single fragment of your mind until you feel like your drowning in your own thoughts. I made a mistake of getting all excited on getting an XBox for my birthday (stop looking at me like that, I get lonely at home on my own sometimes and I can't spend the entire day on the net now can I?), but my dad had to go ruin it all with the fact my exam results weren't great and that I don't deserve to demand for something, even if it's my birthday. This was AFTER he led me on that I might be getting the XBox and after I day dreamed about having it.
Fine.
Forget it. Forget the presents. Forget about my entire birthday. I really don't care anymore. I'm just going to ignore it. It's been like that for the past couple of years anyway. I hate stupid empty promises. My aunty is another one. Promise to get this.......in the end she'll be, "Did I say that?"
Urgh. If you're not going to get it then SAY SO. Don't pretend. It's annoying and it's hurtful. Yeah, I sound like a damn spoilt brat. I just......... I DON'T KNOW OKAY!!!!!!!
I'm so sick of this.
I'm just going to sit here and work on the video for the competition as well as the video I'm going to make for Dougie and write emo songs/poems. And if anyone DARES to take me out on the 26th (this specially goes to my family) for dinner or some other crap, I'm gonna raise Hell. I swear on my friggin' retarded life.
I don't want to celebrate it anymore. It's hopeless and meaningless.
Mel, sorry for this annoying bratty post. It's suppose to be for you but I just got caught up with my own self. I'm sorry. Oh God......I feel so bad now. URGH! Can't I ever do anything right?
Que sera sera *what will be, will be*
On the first note I'd like to say, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY MELISSA!!!!!"
Ngeeee...... =D
You ah.....you sure you don't want presents? It feels weird not to give someone a birthday present on their birthday, especially one of my best friends!!!! So I'm going to dedicate this blog post to you. Anyway, I'm sorry for not being able to make it to the Cable Car thing with you and the rest today. My dad......well, you know. He's.......he's my equivalent of a ball-and-chain thing.
Speaking of birthdays, mine is coming up. Four days before Dougie's. Oooohhh.....I need to finish the birthday video I was planning on making for him. But its kinda weird since it's suppose to be for him BUT the video is going to be filled with him. -.-'
Maybe I should re-think this. But I can't think of anymore ideas! I don't live in England for God's sakes! And since I've been absent from Dougiefied for ages thanks to my stupid computer, they left me out of the Dougie scrapbook thing and yeah.......I feel really bad. I love him so much and I can't do anything for his birthday. Not that he'd care. I mean, he doesn't even know I exist right?
So yeah, presents. Seriously, I should really just give up on caring about anything besides my best friends. I'll just get hurt. And I hate getting hurt. I hate that pain inside of you that eats you alive and takes over every single fragment of your mind until you feel like your drowning in your own thoughts. I made a mistake of getting all excited on getting an XBox for my birthday (stop looking at me like that, I get lonely at home on my own sometimes and I can't spend the entire day on the net now can I?), but my dad had to go ruin it all with the fact my exam results weren't great and that I don't deserve to demand for something, even if it's my birthday. This was AFTER he led me on that I might be getting the XBox and after I day dreamed about having it.
Fine.
Forget it. Forget the presents. Forget about my entire birthday. I really don't care anymore. I'm just going to ignore it. It's been like that for the past couple of years anyway. I hate stupid empty promises. My aunty is another one. Promise to get this.......in the end she'll be, "Did I say that?"
Urgh. If you're not going to get it then SAY SO. Don't pretend. It's annoying and it's hurtful. Yeah, I sound like a damn spoilt brat. I just......... I DON'T KNOW OKAY!!!!!!!
I'm so sick of this.
I'm just going to sit here and work on the video for the competition as well as the video I'm going to make for Dougie and write emo songs/poems. And if anyone DARES to take me out on the 26th (this specially goes to my family) for dinner or some other crap, I'm gonna raise Hell. I swear on my friggin' retarded life.
I don't want to celebrate it anymore. It's hopeless and meaningless.
Mel, sorry for this annoying bratty post. It's suppose to be for you but I just got caught up with my own self. I'm sorry. Oh God......I feel so bad now. URGH! Can't I ever do anything right?
Que sera sera *what will be, will be*
Saturday, 17 November 2007
What The Words Can't Say
Current Song I'm Listening To: "Better Days" by Goo Goo Dolls
Maybe its the fact that it's the school holidays, maybe it's because next year might be my last year in Sri Aman if all goes well, or maybe it's the fact that I was working on the video for the competition, I don't know, but I realized..........I realized how much I really love my friends. I was watching the unfinished version of the video (yeah, there are some screwed up bits, maybe it's the camera, I don't know....but the effect is sort of cool) and as I watched the parts where the camera captured our laughter and smiles......it makes me sad to think that one day I'd be leaving all this. I realized how much these people knew me, and I knew them (I think). I realized how much these people made an impact in my life and if it wasn't for them, I wouldn't be the person I am today. Okay, so I'm not perfect. I may be a bitchy, I may be arrogant, I may be selfish but deep down, if I had to choose between the one person that I love for all of eternity or my Mel, Sandra, Divya, Baizura, Myra and Sash. I would choose Mel, Sandra, Divya, Baizura, Myra and Sash.
I could find someone else to love for all eternity. But no one can create better friends than these six people.
I guess I count myself lucky and blessed to have meet these amazing people. Oh my God. I think I'm going to cry now. I just......I keep thinking that if everything goes according to plan next year. I won't be in Sri Aman in form 4 (I'll be in boarding school). And then.......where would I be? Sure. We'll keep in touch. I promise you guys that, I'm not ever going to froget you people. But what if it doesn't.......what if it's not the same anymore?
I hate change. I could never deal with it.
Truth be told, I can't imagine growing up without you guys.
To not hug Mel's damn skinny body and feel her bones anymore, to not be cheered up by Sandra's sarcastic humour, to not be soothed by Divya's 'motherly acts', to not let my imagination run wild with Baizura's, to not be proud when Myra nails a certain song or chord on her piano or guitar and to not get all excited with Sash when she makes an awesome design on Photoshop. There's a lot more of that from where it came from..........but I think I should stop now for fear of drowning my keyboard in tears.
Let's just say you guys mean a lot to me. Even if I act all moody most of the time. I guess I really can't help it. I'm allowed to be me around you people, and not some cheap whacked version of who I'm suppose to be (this is mostly when I'm around my family, ESPECIALLY my dad).
Que sera sera *what will be, will be*
P/s: Happy Early Birthday Mel!!!!! =D
Maybe its the fact that it's the school holidays, maybe it's because next year might be my last year in Sri Aman if all goes well, or maybe it's the fact that I was working on the video for the competition, I don't know, but I realized..........I realized how much I really love my friends. I was watching the unfinished version of the video (yeah, there are some screwed up bits, maybe it's the camera, I don't know....but the effect is sort of cool) and as I watched the parts where the camera captured our laughter and smiles......it makes me sad to think that one day I'd be leaving all this. I realized how much these people knew me, and I knew them (I think). I realized how much these people made an impact in my life and if it wasn't for them, I wouldn't be the person I am today. Okay, so I'm not perfect. I may be a bitchy, I may be arrogant, I may be selfish but deep down, if I had to choose between the one person that I love for all of eternity or my Mel, Sandra, Divya, Baizura, Myra and Sash. I would choose Mel, Sandra, Divya, Baizura, Myra and Sash.
I could find someone else to love for all eternity. But no one can create better friends than these six people.
I guess I count myself lucky and blessed to have meet these amazing people. Oh my God. I think I'm going to cry now. I just......I keep thinking that if everything goes according to plan next year. I won't be in Sri Aman in form 4 (I'll be in boarding school). And then.......where would I be? Sure. We'll keep in touch. I promise you guys that, I'm not ever going to froget you people. But what if it doesn't.......what if it's not the same anymore?
I hate change. I could never deal with it.
Truth be told, I can't imagine growing up without you guys.
To not hug Mel's damn skinny body and feel her bones anymore, to not be cheered up by Sandra's sarcastic humour, to not be soothed by Divya's 'motherly acts', to not let my imagination run wild with Baizura's, to not be proud when Myra nails a certain song or chord on her piano or guitar and to not get all excited with Sash when she makes an awesome design on Photoshop. There's a lot more of that from where it came from..........but I think I should stop now for fear of drowning my keyboard in tears.
Let's just say you guys mean a lot to me. Even if I act all moody most of the time. I guess I really can't help it. I'm allowed to be me around you people, and not some cheap whacked version of who I'm suppose to be (this is mostly when I'm around my family, ESPECIALLY my dad).
Que sera sera *what will be, will be*
P/s: Happy Early Birthday Mel!!!!! =D
Friday, 16 November 2007
The Queen of Wishful Thinking
It's the first night of the school holidays. No school for the next two months till January '08, where I'd be going back to high school but this time, as a form 3 student. Greeeeeat......is everyone but me worrying about PMR already? This can't be good.
Anyway, the first thing I did on the night that I know most of my friends are probably using to go out with their families or watch movies till they've watched everything worth watching and are forced to watch some old movie like 'The Mummy Returns'? (Not that I mind. I love 'The Mummy Returns'! It may be a classic, but its a great classic all the same.)
So back to what I did.....
Sit in front of my computer, working on our video clip for the competition, in my comfy hole-y velvet sweat pants, tank top and an over sized white T-shirt that says 'Hollywood California' on it. Quite appropriate for the work I'm about to do. Sash keeps calling me 'the next Steven Spielberg'. HAR! I'm not even close to becoming the next Spielberg. And besides, if it weren't for Sandra most of the time, my ideas would be as bland as oatmeal. =P
Urgh, Myra is going for this religious camp thing probably on Sunday night for the next two months. I pity her. I hope she won't change too much. I don't even want her to change! She's perfect the way she is (despite what people say, there's no such thing as 'perfection'.....then what do you call Dougie?!?!).....But even if she does, we all know I'd influence her back to her old Tom Fletcher-liking ways. =D It's only natural. Oh my God....
It's only 11.11pm and my eyes are already drooping. I'm waiting for Sandra to send me a couple of pictures/video footage that we shot today. I'm already working on putting together the video clip and so far, it's quite okay.......so to say so myself. I just don't know if it's good enough. I'm kinda sick of people telling me, 'It's not about the video, it's whether or not you had a good time filming it.'
Obviously I had a good time filming it, it's with my friends!!
But then again, winning is important to me too. Like I said previously, I'm sick of losing. I want to win something this time round. The competitive twelve-year old inside of me won't allow the older her to sit around and rot her life away.
It kills me to know that there's only going to be one winner in this competition and there's already more than a 130 responses......so the chances of us winning are.......???
Anyone out there that is good in maths can just ignore that question. I really don't want to know. It'll just make me even more depressed. I think another thing I'm worried about is also the fact that, what if they choose the winners based on our looks/age? I mean, this would be completely unlikely since McFly are really nice guys, but who knows right? I mean, I've never met them (darn stupid 'wishing on stars' myth) so I wouldn't know. Baizura got all pissed off when I mentioned this, she was like, "If that's how they are going to act then it's not worth to have the competition at all in the first place. I know their famous and all but there's more to it than looks."
I agree with her of course, but I guess no one can get rid of that tiny seed of doubt in my mind. And besides all those other tiny things, there's also the big things worth worrying about, like, what if we put in all this effort to make the video awesome.......but we don't win? I think I would lose all hope in myself. Plus, I'd be wondering and demanding to know why we didn't win. Not creative enough? Not original enough? Or just plain, not good enough?
And what if......we think we're good and we've put everything we've got into this video.....but there's someone out there better than us? Well, there will always be someone out there better than us, but I meant, in the competition. My questions are basically just going round and round in circles and they all have the same meaning:
Anyway, the first thing I did on the night that I know most of my friends are probably using to go out with their families or watch movies till they've watched everything worth watching and are forced to watch some old movie like 'The Mummy Returns'? (Not that I mind. I love 'The Mummy Returns'! It may be a classic, but its a great classic all the same.)
So back to what I did.....
Sit in front of my computer, working on our video clip for the competition, in my comfy hole-y velvet sweat pants, tank top and an over sized white T-shirt that says 'Hollywood California' on it. Quite appropriate for the work I'm about to do. Sash keeps calling me 'the next Steven Spielberg'. HAR! I'm not even close to becoming the next Spielberg. And besides, if it weren't for Sandra most of the time, my ideas would be as bland as oatmeal. =P
Urgh, Myra is going for this religious camp thing probably on Sunday night for the next two months. I pity her. I hope she won't change too much. I don't even want her to change! She's perfect the way she is (despite what people say, there's no such thing as 'perfection'.....then what do you call Dougie?!?!).....But even if she does, we all know I'd influence her back to her old Tom Fletcher-liking ways. =D It's only natural. Oh my God....
It's only 11.11pm and my eyes are already drooping. I'm waiting for Sandra to send me a couple of pictures/video footage that we shot today. I'm already working on putting together the video clip and so far, it's quite okay.......so to say so myself. I just don't know if it's good enough. I'm kinda sick of people telling me, 'It's not about the video, it's whether or not you had a good time filming it.'
Obviously I had a good time filming it, it's with my friends!!
But then again, winning is important to me too. Like I said previously, I'm sick of losing. I want to win something this time round. The competitive twelve-year old inside of me won't allow the older her to sit around and rot her life away.
It kills me to know that there's only going to be one winner in this competition and there's already more than a 130 responses......so the chances of us winning are.......???
Anyone out there that is good in maths can just ignore that question. I really don't want to know. It'll just make me even more depressed. I think another thing I'm worried about is also the fact that, what if they choose the winners based on our looks/age? I mean, this would be completely unlikely since McFly are really nice guys, but who knows right? I mean, I've never met them (darn stupid 'wishing on stars' myth) so I wouldn't know. Baizura got all pissed off when I mentioned this, she was like, "If that's how they are going to act then it's not worth to have the competition at all in the first place. I know their famous and all but there's more to it than looks."
I agree with her of course, but I guess no one can get rid of that tiny seed of doubt in my mind. And besides all those other tiny things, there's also the big things worth worrying about, like, what if we put in all this effort to make the video awesome.......but we don't win? I think I would lose all hope in myself. Plus, I'd be wondering and demanding to know why we didn't win. Not creative enough? Not original enough? Or just plain, not good enough?
And what if......we think we're good and we've put everything we've got into this video.....but there's someone out there better than us? Well, there will always be someone out there better than us, but I meant, in the competition. My questions are basically just going round and round in circles and they all have the same meaning:
WHAT IF WE DON'T FREAKING WIN?!?!?!?
There. I got it out of me. Now, I'll just let it be up to God.
I think.
I don't know!!
Either way.......I don't think its possible for me to stop worrying and thinking about any of this until the winners are announced. And it better be us! =S
Keeps your fingers crossed yeah? And please, do help us pray that we'll win this thing. I beg with you from the depths of my cold empty black heart. Pleeeeeease........
Que sera sera *what will be, will be*
Thursday, 15 November 2007
Tried To Take A Picture Of Love
Empty - Click Five
(A song about falling out of love, quoting Kyle Patrick)
We've got one more day of school left tomorrow. I'm not particularly sure if I'm happy or sad. Perhaps both. I don't know. But let's just say I lost all hope for my December trip to England. Was supposed to go. Why was I so stupid to put my hopes up to high? Nothing good ever comes out of it. I should just stop caring. That way, I wouldn't get hurt because I wouldn't care about anything.
*sighs*
Moving on, I'm stressing about the video competition that's coming up. Deadline is on the 5th of December and it seems like shit loads of time till then but there's like a hundred over contestants. So yeah, the pressure is beginning to pile up on me. We (meaning Sandra, Myra, Sash and I) want to win. We need to win. I don't know why. It's just one of those things. I mean, we put a lot of effort into this, and I guess I can't stand losing again. Cos I'm not used to that (as bratty as that sounds). I mean, I already lost for the writing competition thing that they had about the environment, and to be honest, that was a blow to my ego since yeah......I'm not even going to try to explain it. It's just a blow to my ego okay? Leave it at that. Now, if we lose this one. I don't know what I'd do with myself. Especially after the hours of work that me and everyone else had put into it (well mostly Sandra, Mye and me). It's suppose to be fun. Fun to be doing this kind of video but......I don't know. On screen we're smiling and all that....but to be honest.....behind the scenes aren't as pretty.
Not looking forward to school tomorrow, have to get up early in the morning again (which is hell for some of us who live all the way here in Puchong), the only thing that's keeping me going at this stage is the fact that we've got to shoot some footage tomorrow (either at school or at Bai's house) and I know that I'm not suffering alone. Hey, I have my twin to pick me up when I fall. And drag me to the ER if necessary. =P
Although I put my foot down at the point of mouth-to-mouth. No offense Sandra. Unless you get Dougie Poynter to perform that for all of us, I would rather die.
Anyways, sorry for the extremely short blog. I've got to concentrate on the task at hand now. Which is Sandra trying to send me the footage that we took in school earlier today, talking to an old primary school friend and watching this link about a vampire. Yes. They are frequently popping up in my blog for some reason. Hmmmm.....
Que sera sera *what will be, will be*
(A song about falling out of love, quoting Kyle Patrick)
We've got one more day of school left tomorrow. I'm not particularly sure if I'm happy or sad. Perhaps both. I don't know. But let's just say I lost all hope for my December trip to England. Was supposed to go. Why was I so stupid to put my hopes up to high? Nothing good ever comes out of it. I should just stop caring. That way, I wouldn't get hurt because I wouldn't care about anything.
*sighs*
Moving on, I'm stressing about the video competition that's coming up. Deadline is on the 5th of December and it seems like shit loads of time till then but there's like a hundred over contestants. So yeah, the pressure is beginning to pile up on me. We (meaning Sandra, Myra, Sash and I) want to win. We need to win. I don't know why. It's just one of those things. I mean, we put a lot of effort into this, and I guess I can't stand losing again. Cos I'm not used to that (as bratty as that sounds). I mean, I already lost for the writing competition thing that they had about the environment, and to be honest, that was a blow to my ego since yeah......I'm not even going to try to explain it. It's just a blow to my ego okay? Leave it at that. Now, if we lose this one. I don't know what I'd do with myself. Especially after the hours of work that me and everyone else had put into it (well mostly Sandra, Mye and me). It's suppose to be fun. Fun to be doing this kind of video but......I don't know. On screen we're smiling and all that....but to be honest.....behind the scenes aren't as pretty.
Not looking forward to school tomorrow, have to get up early in the morning again (which is hell for some of us who live all the way here in Puchong), the only thing that's keeping me going at this stage is the fact that we've got to shoot some footage tomorrow (either at school or at Bai's house) and I know that I'm not suffering alone. Hey, I have my twin to pick me up when I fall. And drag me to the ER if necessary. =P
Although I put my foot down at the point of mouth-to-mouth. No offense Sandra. Unless you get Dougie Poynter to perform that for all of us, I would rather die.
Anyways, sorry for the extremely short blog. I've got to concentrate on the task at hand now. Which is Sandra trying to send me the footage that we took in school earlier today, talking to an old primary school friend and watching this link about a vampire. Yes. They are frequently popping up in my blog for some reason. Hmmmm.....
Que sera sera *what will be, will be*
Wednesday, 14 November 2007
It's Not The First Time
"Because I know we're in this together, that's what keeps me strong." - a not so good quote from Mel (sorry Mel, I think I forgotten a couple of words here and there but I remembered the important bits right?)
So that quote fits today really well. Reason? Because we had open day today and we found out which classes will we end up with next year. Why didn't I expect the tears and the pain? Because I thought I actually did quite reasonably for my finals but apparently that's not good enough. *sighs*
Sandra, Divya, Mel.....I'll still see you guys during recess right?
Sash and Bai......we'll see each other in tuition and tennis no?
Mye........HELL WE'RE IN THE SAME CLASS SO WHY ARE WE MOPPING AROUND?!?!?!
I guess it's just not the same anymore right? We were always the foursome. Now it's down to two and Sash in 3H and Bai in 3F. Of course I had set my hopes high on being in the same class as you guys (Mel, Sand and Div) but let's face truth in the eye and not flinch. I'll never be good enough to rise to your standards.
I'm listening to Mr. Brightside (McFly version) ironically enough, this seems to be the one song I listen to when I'm down. Well, it's better than I'll Be Okay (Dougie Poynter version), I suppose. I think if he was directly in front of me, singing that while I'm feeling the way I am now, I wouldn't care if he was a Sex God or not, I would punch him in the face for it. Sure, the song is suppose to be cheery and, 'Just tell yourself....I'll be okay!' but it's a heck lot less simple than that. You can't just randomly jump out of sadness and shout (with a cheerleader voice), "I'LL BE OKAY!"
Tapping my foot to Umbrella now, McFly version obviously. Rihanna just isn't a match for them. Anyway, spent the entire day watching Ghost Hunting videos on YouTube and thinking up of ways to write my own ghost story. I was thinking of writing one where the setting is an old abandoned hospital but that's a lil too cliche......well a haunted house is even cliche-ER. And it won't make sense if they were in a haunted school (unless it was abandoned of course) but that's just too.......Silent Hill, ya know?
Was reading Latifah's blog just now and FINALLY someone realizes Charlie Cox's wonderful performance as an actor!!! I was waiting for someone to agree with me ever since Casanova came out!!!!! Yes, Charlie Cox was there. He played 'Giovanni' if I'm not mistaken.
Mmmmm.....I love the bass in the opening chords of Umbrella by McFly. Dougie, you are a legend. Marry me, please?
Har. A marriage proposal in a blog? LIKE he even reads this. Or to be more precise, LIKE HE WOULD CARE.
I'm just another fourteen year old fan girl.
Speaking of which, McFly aren't a teeny bopper and stop saying they are! It's annoying the fuck out of me as well as it's an insult to their reputation. McFly got third best band in THE WORLD. Only beaten by Tokio Hotel (number one) and 30 Seconds to Mars (number two). Would a teeny bopping band be able to do that? Uhhh....I don't think so!!! Fuck off then.
I would like to an end on this note: Dream McFly, Breathe McFly, Live McFly.
Que sera sera *what will be, will be*
So that quote fits today really well. Reason? Because we had open day today and we found out which classes will we end up with next year. Why didn't I expect the tears and the pain? Because I thought I actually did quite reasonably for my finals but apparently that's not good enough. *sighs*
Sandra, Divya, Mel.....I'll still see you guys during recess right?
Sash and Bai......we'll see each other in tuition and tennis no?
Mye........HELL WE'RE IN THE SAME CLASS SO WHY ARE WE MOPPING AROUND?!?!?!
I guess it's just not the same anymore right? We were always the foursome. Now it's down to two and Sash in 3H and Bai in 3F. Of course I had set my hopes high on being in the same class as you guys (Mel, Sand and Div) but let's face truth in the eye and not flinch. I'll never be good enough to rise to your standards.
I'm listening to Mr. Brightside (McFly version) ironically enough, this seems to be the one song I listen to when I'm down. Well, it's better than I'll Be Okay (Dougie Poynter version), I suppose. I think if he was directly in front of me, singing that while I'm feeling the way I am now, I wouldn't care if he was a Sex God or not, I would punch him in the face for it. Sure, the song is suppose to be cheery and, 'Just tell yourself....I'll be okay!' but it's a heck lot less simple than that. You can't just randomly jump out of sadness and shout (with a cheerleader voice), "I'LL BE OKAY!"
Tapping my foot to Umbrella now, McFly version obviously. Rihanna just isn't a match for them. Anyway, spent the entire day watching Ghost Hunting videos on YouTube and thinking up of ways to write my own ghost story. I was thinking of writing one where the setting is an old abandoned hospital but that's a lil too cliche......well a haunted house is even cliche-ER. And it won't make sense if they were in a haunted school (unless it was abandoned of course) but that's just too.......Silent Hill, ya know?
Was reading Latifah's blog just now and FINALLY someone realizes Charlie Cox's wonderful performance as an actor!!! I was waiting for someone to agree with me ever since Casanova came out!!!!! Yes, Charlie Cox was there. He played 'Giovanni' if I'm not mistaken.
Mmmmm.....I love the bass in the opening chords of Umbrella by McFly. Dougie, you are a legend. Marry me, please?
Har. A marriage proposal in a blog? LIKE he even reads this. Or to be more precise, LIKE HE WOULD CARE.
I'm just another fourteen year old fan girl.
Speaking of which, McFly aren't a teeny bopper and stop saying they are! It's annoying the fuck out of me as well as it's an insult to their reputation. McFly got third best band in THE WORLD. Only beaten by Tokio Hotel (number one) and 30 Seconds to Mars (number two). Would a teeny bopping band be able to do that? Uhhh....I don't think so!!! Fuck off then.
I would like to an end on this note: Dream McFly, Breathe McFly, Live McFly.
Que sera sera *what will be, will be*
Tuesday, 13 November 2007
We Won't Get a Second Chance This Time
The World As We Know It - Scary Kids Scaring Kids.
An awesome song. Go listen to it. I'm listening to it while I write this post so don't mind my sudden randomness about war and peace. =)
Anyways, today was the sort of first day back in school for the form 2's. I know I missed more than a couple of my friends but I didn't really get a lot of time to talk to them due to the dancing competition that they had held. I felt jealousy surge through me as I watched them dance to be honest, HEY. I was suppose to be up there too if it wasn't for my class's incompetence to cooperate and get their shit together. I was more than willing to do anything. It was just a matter of words. And probably desire. I live for dancing. I'd probably die of boredom if otherwise. Or perhaps die for the fact that I know I can never get Dougie Poynter. At least this is sort of my medicine, like a salvation from him. I never thought I might need to use those words on a God like Dougie, but apparently I do need them.
So yeah and then I spent the rest of the morning catching up with Mel and Sandra. Divya went for some sort of seminar thing and we only saw her during recess, after which, she disappeared again. Only to return at 12pm, and drag us of to the sick bay (Divya is a St. John's member) and said she wanted to get her service stripe by 'cleaning' the sick bay. A friend of ours, Amy, was the one that suggested it actually. Mel was more than happy to go while me and Sandra looked at each other wearily. I think the sun was getting to us. It had been a pretty hot morning, AND we had just made the long trek from the canteen to the school's office in the so-called 'new building' they have on the other side of the school next to the hall. But obviously when we reached there, the only people who seemed to be doing any cleaning were Amy and Mel (they mopped the floors, not that the room was any big but it was incredibly dusty. Amy did the first round and then Mel did another second one) while me and Sandra sat on the only 'less germ infected' bed they had in the place and Divya sat on the floor. We were randomly talking about things, one of them I remember being able to explode through the wall with the amount of carbonated drinks they had stored in the sick bay (leftovers from the St. John's Gathering they had in July). I was trying to figure out how one could do that but yeah.......
Then we went home and I took a ride with Sash since my mum has gotten a new job somewhere near Mid Valley mall and its incredibly far and there's no one to pick me up in the afternoon anyway. Sash and I spent the afternoon away by ordering two large pizzas (courtesy of the Domino's Pizza coupons they had handed out in school earlier) and watching 'Never Been Kissed'. Guy Perkins a.k.a. Jeremy Jordon is so hot in that movie!! Although he does look like a drug addict in some scenes, I think it was his leather jacket that made him look like that. o.O
Anyway, I loved his pale skin. :D
It made me think of Edward Cullen from 'Twilight' whom is also another hottie by the way. But Mel's got her eyes on him first so I'm just gonna bargain with her to make Edward turn Dougie into a vampire and all my fantasies would come true *nudge, nudge, wink wink*
Like I said in my last post. Vampires are sexy. *bares fangs*
Rawr!!!!!
Yeah, I know vampires don't go 'rawr' but it just seemed to fit the moment. =)
Que sera sera *what will be, will be*
An awesome song. Go listen to it. I'm listening to it while I write this post so don't mind my sudden randomness about war and peace. =)
Anyways, today was the sort of first day back in school for the form 2's. I know I missed more than a couple of my friends but I didn't really get a lot of time to talk to them due to the dancing competition that they had held. I felt jealousy surge through me as I watched them dance to be honest, HEY. I was suppose to be up there too if it wasn't for my class's incompetence to cooperate and get their shit together. I was more than willing to do anything. It was just a matter of words. And probably desire. I live for dancing. I'd probably die of boredom if otherwise. Or perhaps die for the fact that I know I can never get Dougie Poynter. At least this is sort of my medicine, like a salvation from him. I never thought I might need to use those words on a God like Dougie, but apparently I do need them.
So yeah and then I spent the rest of the morning catching up with Mel and Sandra. Divya went for some sort of seminar thing and we only saw her during recess, after which, she disappeared again. Only to return at 12pm, and drag us of to the sick bay (Divya is a St. John's member) and said she wanted to get her service stripe by 'cleaning' the sick bay. A friend of ours, Amy, was the one that suggested it actually. Mel was more than happy to go while me and Sandra looked at each other wearily. I think the sun was getting to us. It had been a pretty hot morning, AND we had just made the long trek from the canteen to the school's office in the so-called 'new building' they have on the other side of the school next to the hall. But obviously when we reached there, the only people who seemed to be doing any cleaning were Amy and Mel (they mopped the floors, not that the room was any big but it was incredibly dusty. Amy did the first round and then Mel did another second one) while me and Sandra sat on the only 'less germ infected' bed they had in the place and Divya sat on the floor. We were randomly talking about things, one of them I remember being able to explode through the wall with the amount of carbonated drinks they had stored in the sick bay (leftovers from the St. John's Gathering they had in July). I was trying to figure out how one could do that but yeah.......
Then we went home and I took a ride with Sash since my mum has gotten a new job somewhere near Mid Valley mall and its incredibly far and there's no one to pick me up in the afternoon anyway. Sash and I spent the afternoon away by ordering two large pizzas (courtesy of the Domino's Pizza coupons they had handed out in school earlier) and watching 'Never Been Kissed'. Guy Perkins a.k.a. Jeremy Jordon is so hot in that movie!! Although he does look like a drug addict in some scenes, I think it was his leather jacket that made him look like that. o.O
Anyway, I loved his pale skin. :D
It made me think of Edward Cullen from 'Twilight' whom is also another hottie by the way. But Mel's got her eyes on him first so I'm just gonna bargain with her to make Edward turn Dougie into a vampire and all my fantasies would come true *nudge, nudge, wink wink*
Like I said in my last post. Vampires are sexy. *bares fangs*
Rawr!!!!!
Yeah, I know vampires don't go 'rawr' but it just seemed to fit the moment. =)
Que sera sera *what will be, will be*
Monday, 12 November 2007
If I Make It Through Today, will Tomorrow Be The Same?
So, double blogs in one day. Ha ha. I guess I'm just trying to make up for the loss that I haven't been blogging in a while due to some obligations. But I'm here now!
Well at least. Anyways, my mind is revolving around 'Open Day' on Wednesday. It's when the parents come and pick up our report cards. Let's just say, my grades aren't as well as they were in the beginning of the year. I'm not sure if I can put the blame on anything at the moment since I know that my crappy results are my own fault for not studying earlier. But its hard to study, when I have this great big huge distraction on my mind. It hurts. It really does. And I'm trying to slowly let go but its like, if I loosen my grip just by a fraction, I tighten it again, ten times stronger. *sighs* What am I suppose to do with myself?
So I'm listening to the song 'Young and Hopeless' by Good Charlotte. The title kinda matches the way I'm feeling. So do my surroundings, it's getting dark and I'm too lazy to switch the bloody lights on. Cos that would require me to take off my headphones!!! *laughs*
Well besides worrying about Wednesday, I'm kinda pissed off at a couple of people in my class. There's this dance competition coming up, and of course, me being my natural self, got so hyped up about it. I mean, I love dancing. Its that one time when I can forget about him. But they had to ruin it. Of course. God wouldn't want me to have too much fun now does He?
Urgh.
Okay, maybe I'm taking this the wrong way. I really, REALLY shouldn't blame God. If only I could smash those people's pretty little heads into a bloody massacre then I'd be happy. Seriously.
The problem?
It's that whole 'no one is co-operating' shit. HEY, HEADS UP!!!!
I came for every single bloody practice but it was YOU people that didn't come!! I TRIED to help and think up of dance moves but what did you do with my ideas?!? You shredded them apart and threw them back into my face!!!!!
Well go and SCREW YOURSELVES cos there's no way in fucking hell am I going to embarrass myself in front a crowd of people. I've had enough public humiliation to last me a lifetime thank you.
I wish I could tell all this shit to their faces but I lost my voice due to the weekend I just had and I just sound so weak, feeble and pathetic, they wouldn't take me seriously.
Grrrr.....
So yeah, now I've got the urge to write a story about vampires (blame this on my reading fetish for anything to do with vampires, I'm currently reading 'Twilight' so yeah). Can you blame me? Vampires are hot!!!! Well, my version of vampires are hot. I don't know about your's! Ha ha ha.
There's something about a vampire (to me), that's so undeniably sexy and alluring. :D
Oh well, that's me I suppose.
Urgh. I hate losing my voice. It's painful. Sexy, but painful. -.-'
Que sera sera *what will be, will be*
Well at least. Anyways, my mind is revolving around 'Open Day' on Wednesday. It's when the parents come and pick up our report cards. Let's just say, my grades aren't as well as they were in the beginning of the year. I'm not sure if I can put the blame on anything at the moment since I know that my crappy results are my own fault for not studying earlier. But its hard to study, when I have this great big huge distraction on my mind. It hurts. It really does. And I'm trying to slowly let go but its like, if I loosen my grip just by a fraction, I tighten it again, ten times stronger. *sighs* What am I suppose to do with myself?
So I'm listening to the song 'Young and Hopeless' by Good Charlotte. The title kinda matches the way I'm feeling. So do my surroundings, it's getting dark and I'm too lazy to switch the bloody lights on. Cos that would require me to take off my headphones!!! *laughs*
Well besides worrying about Wednesday, I'm kinda pissed off at a couple of people in my class. There's this dance competition coming up, and of course, me being my natural self, got so hyped up about it. I mean, I love dancing. Its that one time when I can forget about him. But they had to ruin it. Of course. God wouldn't want me to have too much fun now does He?
Urgh.
Okay, maybe I'm taking this the wrong way. I really, REALLY shouldn't blame God. If only I could smash those people's pretty little heads into a bloody massacre then I'd be happy. Seriously.
The problem?
It's that whole 'no one is co-operating' shit. HEY, HEADS UP!!!!
I came for every single bloody practice but it was YOU people that didn't come!! I TRIED to help and think up of dance moves but what did you do with my ideas?!? You shredded them apart and threw them back into my face!!!!!
Well go and SCREW YOURSELVES cos there's no way in fucking hell am I going to embarrass myself in front a crowd of people. I've had enough public humiliation to last me a lifetime thank you.
I wish I could tell all this shit to their faces but I lost my voice due to the weekend I just had and I just sound so weak, feeble and pathetic, they wouldn't take me seriously.
Grrrr.....
So yeah, now I've got the urge to write a story about vampires (blame this on my reading fetish for anything to do with vampires, I'm currently reading 'Twilight' so yeah). Can you blame me? Vampires are hot!!!! Well, my version of vampires are hot. I don't know about your's! Ha ha ha.
There's something about a vampire (to me), that's so undeniably sexy and alluring. :D
Oh well, that's me I suppose.
Urgh. I hate losing my voice. It's painful. Sexy, but painful. -.-'
Que sera sera *what will be, will be*
Losing You
Hi everyone!!
Well, it's been a long tiring weekend for me. Not sure about anyone else but hey, this is about me, isn't it? *laughs*
Anyways, Saturday was my aunty's wedding and it was sort of (to be really honest) a tad bit boring. Well blame me for sleeping late the night before and only catching like, 2 hours of sleep before it. So yeah, and then Baizura had an open house which of course I was oblige to go. According to my mum I could only stay for a bit but instead she ended up picking me up at 10.30pm. By then I was thoroughly knackered plus I was worrying about the next day when I had to report early for rehearsals at PJ Hilton for my aunty's wedding reception where according to my aunty I would be playing a vital part. This combined with the guilt that I couldn't make it to Divya's Deepavali gathering at her house on the same day (Saturday night), which I would have loved to go to instead of spending an evening with a hostess who couldn't care less if I was there or not (yes, I think I'm talking about Baizura). So Divya, Mel, Sandra, hope you had fun. I sure wasn't.
Once I got back home on Saturday night, I crashed onto bed without bothering to bathe ;), and just slept before my early wake up call (which was at 6.00am by the way). After breakfast, I headed to PJ Hilton while my younger sister had a school concert thing.
When I reached there.....well let's just say I was all over the place. I couldn't predict what I'd be doing next since people kept calling my name and asking me to do this and that. Pick up the flowers, arrange the flowers, arrange the gifts, make sure the flower petals for the flower girls are there and etc. Seriously, it was pure chaos and I ended up eating lunch only at about 2 something. What with no breakfast, I think it was perfectly understandable if I was a little crabby.
When I reached there.....well let's just say I was all over the place. I couldn't predict what I'd be doing next since people kept calling my name and asking me to do this and that. Pick up the flowers, arrange the flowers, arrange the gifts, make sure the flower petals for the flower girls are there and etc. Seriously, it was pure chaos and I ended up eating lunch only at about 2 something. What with no breakfast, I think it was perfectly understandable if I was a little crabby.
Then at about 4 something, Sash and Myra arrived (FINALLY), and gotten lost somewhere on the fourth floor. *laughs* Thankfully they ran into my mum whom had arrived at about 2 something and she showed them the way to the ballroom.
*comes back from lunch*
Sorry, interruption. So erm yeah......so when they came, they were forced to help around as well. And then at about six something we went and got ready. I'm just gonna post up my fav picture here. :D
Me in the pink and Myra in the purple-y brown kebaya. We were getting ready in the hotel room. It was kinda funny since I made a comment about the bed was soft enough to have great sex on. Sash was looking at me like I was crazy and Myra just laughed.
WHAT?
It WAS damn soft. =) Anyways, with all the hu-ha of my aunty's wedding, I totally forgot about my fan fiction that I had posted up in my favourite forum (Dougiefied :D), and today when I checked my mail, there was that notification thing and I was surprised that quite a few people liked my story. I mean, I like to be known as a writer but I wasn't sure if I was good enough. I guess my question has been answered! Yay me. Ha ha ha. So yeah, now I'm wondering what to do for part 2 of the story. Mel? Any ideas? *blink blink*
Que sera sera *what will be, will be*
Thursday, 8 November 2007
So Close.....Yet So Far
Ever tasted jealousy?
Well, let me just say one thing. It's lousy. How else would you describe something that engulfs you in such pain, eats up your heart, takes over your mind and creating such anger in your soul you can't possibly control yourself anymore?
*sighs*
I'm not even going to try and explain my situation. Let's just say, I really hate Malaysia and if I could have one wish, I would go up to God and asking him, WHY?
Why had he chosen me to be his test subject?
You're probably wondering what in jumping jelly beans am I talking about.......right? Let's go to my one and only source of happiness (well, not one and only but my 'main source') and also source of all my problems: Dougie Poynter, or rather McFly.
No, I'm not blaming them. I mean, it's not their fault if one of their fans go a lil' loopy and ends up in the psychiatric ward. Right?
Urgh, Savage Garden's song 'Crash and Burn' was so NOT right. When you crash and burn, you crash and burn alone. Sure, I have my wonderful friends to support me. And I cannot say how much I love you guys for it, but seriously......as much as I let you guys in......there will always be something that I can't explain. How do you explain 'dying over something you never had'? Is that even possible? Is there a cure?
So many questions, just no answers.
Lately, I've been feeling 'jealousy' for the past couple of days. But I think it started since Monday. This I would like to thank a couple of people for. I wouldn't want to mention any names but I'll just point out, you're in my 'inner circle'. You know who you are.
To those 'two people' that caused me this feeling:
How do I explain this?
You both don't take me seriously. Do you think that everything that comes out of my mouth is a joke? I may be a funny person, but sometimes, the things I say do have meanings behind them. Would it still be a joke to you all if I continued to cut myself like I did the last time? Would it still be a joke if I became unstable? Maybe I already am. Point is, it hurts that you both don't even seem to realize anything wrong with me. And you're suppose to be my 'best friends'.
There.
Que sera sera *what will be, will be*
Well, let me just say one thing. It's lousy. How else would you describe something that engulfs you in such pain, eats up your heart, takes over your mind and creating such anger in your soul you can't possibly control yourself anymore?
*sighs*
I'm not even going to try and explain my situation. Let's just say, I really hate Malaysia and if I could have one wish, I would go up to God and asking him, WHY?
Why had he chosen me to be his test subject?
You're probably wondering what in jumping jelly beans am I talking about.......right? Let's go to my one and only source of happiness (well, not one and only but my 'main source') and also source of all my problems: Dougie Poynter, or rather McFly.
No, I'm not blaming them. I mean, it's not their fault if one of their fans go a lil' loopy and ends up in the psychiatric ward. Right?
Urgh, Savage Garden's song 'Crash and Burn' was so NOT right. When you crash and burn, you crash and burn alone. Sure, I have my wonderful friends to support me. And I cannot say how much I love you guys for it, but seriously......as much as I let you guys in......there will always be something that I can't explain. How do you explain 'dying over something you never had'? Is that even possible? Is there a cure?
So many questions, just no answers.
Lately, I've been feeling 'jealousy' for the past couple of days. But I think it started since Monday. This I would like to thank a couple of people for. I wouldn't want to mention any names but I'll just point out, you're in my 'inner circle'. You know who you are.
To those 'two people' that caused me this feeling:
How do I explain this?
You both don't take me seriously. Do you think that everything that comes out of my mouth is a joke? I may be a funny person, but sometimes, the things I say do have meanings behind them. Would it still be a joke to you all if I continued to cut myself like I did the last time? Would it still be a joke if I became unstable? Maybe I already am. Point is, it hurts that you both don't even seem to realize anything wrong with me. And you're suppose to be my 'best friends'.
There.
Que sera sera *what will be, will be*
Monday, 5 November 2007
The Adventures of Cash, Chilli and Cheapo
Hey everyone. Well, today was suppose to be a holiday for us lucky form 2's but instead, I still had to get my ass to school by 9am for dance practice. WHICH got cancelled due to the fact that Melsa (another Melissa, my class PKD) went for the Environment Carnival thing and didn't leave the cd with us. And I guess we were all too tired to think of any dance moves. Well, I'm not sure about the others, but I know I was!!!
I spent the last night staying online watching 'Ouran High School Host Club' on YouTube for God's sakes. And tonight, I'm planning on watching One Tree Hill season 1 (since I have never been a fan of OTH but since Sash is a freak for it, I thought I'd give it a try) therefore, won't be spending any time online tonight.
Well, unless I can resist temptation.
Anyway, after school, Sash, Mye and I went to One Utama to shop for Sash's hoodie. We're all required to wear one for our dance 'uniform', and she doesn't own a 'really awesome one' so we went with her to One Utama! *laughs*
It was awesome in a really funny retarded way. I think we went to like, four different stores before we finally found 'The One' in Extreme. *laughs* And the guy assistant in there was funny. When we entered the store, a Maroon 5 song was playing, (I think it was 'This Love', if I'm not mistaken) and then he sang along with the song (slightly out of tune which made it all the funnier!). :D
It was a pretty awesome outing, even though it only lasted like what? 2 hours?
After the hoodie thing, we went to eat at Burger King, and it only got funnier. And we couldn't stop making jokes and laughing that Sash choked on her drink! And accidentally spat in my hand. -.-'
Finally, after all the crapping around, we went to MPH, and spent our remaining time there. =)
I bought 'Twilight'!!!! Finally......
I've been wanting to read it for a long time.
So yeah, and then I bought this notebook which I intend to call 'Guilty Pleasure' because it's going to be filled with Dougie. And we all know how I hate my stupid obsession but I love it at the same time. I shall quote what I've been saying for the past of couple of days, 'Stuck between the need to change, and the need to hold on.'
Anyways, I already thought of my 'first entry', but I'm too lazy to write it down. So I'll just write it here.
I'm lost in a dark world. I know my friends are out there somewhere, but they can't see me. They can't hear me. I'm crying out for help but my voice is barely a whisper against the harsh winds. I'm groping in the dark for my hope, to light me the way. But I can't find it. Maybe I dropped it, maybe I lost it, maybe I never even had it to begin with.
And yet, across the distance. I see a silhouette. Something sparked in my chest but blew out again when I realized he had his back to me and couldn't give a flying fuck if I lived or not. My lip trembles as the tears in my eyes began to build up. Shakily I got up, stole one last look at the shadow; trying to deal with the pain of losing something I never even had, I walked back into the darkness.
There. Emo? Maybe. But I like it like that. It comes from the heart so it doesn't matter, right? Quit thinking I'm making all this up. I think if I need Mel, Sand, Div and Mye 24-7 as well as a fucking psychiatrist to keep me stable, it's serious. So quit your bitching aite?
Que sera sera *what will be, will be*
I spent the last night staying online watching 'Ouran High School Host Club' on YouTube for God's sakes. And tonight, I'm planning on watching One Tree Hill season 1 (since I have never been a fan of OTH but since Sash is a freak for it, I thought I'd give it a try) therefore, won't be spending any time online tonight.
Well, unless I can resist temptation.
Anyway, after school, Sash, Mye and I went to One Utama to shop for Sash's hoodie. We're all required to wear one for our dance 'uniform', and she doesn't own a 'really awesome one' so we went with her to One Utama! *laughs*
It was awesome in a really funny retarded way. I think we went to like, four different stores before we finally found 'The One' in Extreme. *laughs* And the guy assistant in there was funny. When we entered the store, a Maroon 5 song was playing, (I think it was 'This Love', if I'm not mistaken) and then he sang along with the song (slightly out of tune which made it all the funnier!). :D
It was a pretty awesome outing, even though it only lasted like what? 2 hours?
After the hoodie thing, we went to eat at Burger King, and it only got funnier. And we couldn't stop making jokes and laughing that Sash choked on her drink! And accidentally spat in my hand. -.-'
Finally, after all the crapping around, we went to MPH, and spent our remaining time there. =)
I bought 'Twilight'!!!! Finally......
I've been wanting to read it for a long time.
So yeah, and then I bought this notebook which I intend to call 'Guilty Pleasure' because it's going to be filled with Dougie. And we all know how I hate my stupid obsession but I love it at the same time. I shall quote what I've been saying for the past of couple of days, 'Stuck between the need to change, and the need to hold on.'
Anyways, I already thought of my 'first entry', but I'm too lazy to write it down. So I'll just write it here.
I'm lost in a dark world. I know my friends are out there somewhere, but they can't see me. They can't hear me. I'm crying out for help but my voice is barely a whisper against the harsh winds. I'm groping in the dark for my hope, to light me the way. But I can't find it. Maybe I dropped it, maybe I lost it, maybe I never even had it to begin with.
And yet, across the distance. I see a silhouette. Something sparked in my chest but blew out again when I realized he had his back to me and couldn't give a flying fuck if I lived or not. My lip trembles as the tears in my eyes began to build up. Shakily I got up, stole one last look at the shadow; trying to deal with the pain of losing something I never even had, I walked back into the darkness.
There. Emo? Maybe. But I like it like that. It comes from the heart so it doesn't matter, right? Quit thinking I'm making all this up. I think if I need Mel, Sand, Div and Mye 24-7 as well as a fucking psychiatrist to keep me stable, it's serious. So quit your bitching aite?
Que sera sera *what will be, will be*
Friday, 2 November 2007
Indecisive
It's been three days since I last posted something here and a lot of things have happened. I'll just state out the important things or we'd probably be here till tomorrow.
I guess I'll be talking about 'Faridah' in this post. She's the advice columnist from The Star newspaper and she came to my school for a talk about teenagers about two days ago. And after the talk she said if we had anything we wanted to talk to her about, we could just go to her after that. So I went up to her, planning to ask about something but something ENTIRELY different spilled out of my mouth. As well as my heart, my soul.........and of course the tears.
I never meant to pour out every single content of my heart out to her, but unfortunately, it happened. And I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
My problem is kinda.....well stupid, to be honest. But I still need to see professional help apparently. It's something.......well something to do with Dougie. The obvious. I'm obsessed. And I'm not just saying that in a jokey way, I mean literally.....obsessed. Like, I would 'commit suicide for him' kind of obsessed.
Although, thankfully, I haven't turned into a stalker. Oh God, NO! I would rather tear my own skin off of me instead of turning into a psycho stalker.
Urgh.....I've made myself all depressed and crap. I'll probably end up listening to some melancholy song and getting even more depressed. Hell, I even have a freaking partner to get depressed with. Thanks Mel! Appreciate the company.
Fuck this shit. I actually thought of how I what I would be blogging tonight, but now.....I've worked myself into such a state.....I can't. I need Prozac or Lithium or something......
Que sera sera *what will be, will be*
I guess I'll be talking about 'Faridah' in this post. She's the advice columnist from The Star newspaper and she came to my school for a talk about teenagers about two days ago. And after the talk she said if we had anything we wanted to talk to her about, we could just go to her after that. So I went up to her, planning to ask about something but something ENTIRELY different spilled out of my mouth. As well as my heart, my soul.........and of course the tears.
I never meant to pour out every single content of my heart out to her, but unfortunately, it happened. And I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
My problem is kinda.....well stupid, to be honest. But I still need to see professional help apparently. It's something.......well something to do with Dougie. The obvious. I'm obsessed. And I'm not just saying that in a jokey way, I mean literally.....obsessed. Like, I would 'commit suicide for him' kind of obsessed.
Although, thankfully, I haven't turned into a stalker. Oh God, NO! I would rather tear my own skin off of me instead of turning into a psycho stalker.
Urgh.....I've made myself all depressed and crap. I'll probably end up listening to some melancholy song and getting even more depressed. Hell, I even have a freaking partner to get depressed with. Thanks Mel! Appreciate the company.
Fuck this shit. I actually thought of how I what I would be blogging tonight, but now.....I've worked myself into such a state.....I can't. I need Prozac or Lithium or something......
Que sera sera *what will be, will be*
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