You're So Content It Hurts Me

Here's a question: Why do parents always have to make their teenagers feel like complete SHIT?

Thanks Ma, thanks for making me feel like the complete loser and pile of crap that I really am.

You don't think that I've thought about SPM? You think that I don't spend every day of my life ever since I got into MRSM about it?

You honestly think I don't give a rat's ass about my future?
I've seen other people, Mum. I've seen how hard it is in the real world, I know that for some people it's probably hell for them to get food on the table.

I know. Okay?

I'm grateful that you and Daddy work but for God's sake just leave me alone!

You think I'm not scared?

That every day all I can think about was my failed final results and how much I've let myself down?

You don't think I want to succeed?

Mum, let me tell you something, just because I want to be a sound engineer doesn't mean that it isn't a real job.

I'm sorry that I don't want to be something more high-collared like you. Or something like Daddy wants to be. A doctor.

But that just isn't my interest. Alright?

It's hard. Just because sound engineering sounds like something you can do in your spare time, you still need the qualifications. Do you honestly think that I can see myself going to California?

Do you honestly think that every minute of my life, I'm not doubting myself?

Do you think I don't worry?

Do you know how hard and hurtful it is to see my best friends scoring better than me in exams?

I'm not sure you know me at all if you don't know how freakin' competitive I can get.

I can't believe you think that all I'm doing is wasting my time and not caring a single damn thing about my future.

MY FUTURE is all I think about.

Do you think I want to rely on my parents forever?

Do you think I want to become some loser who still stays with their family at the age of 27?

You've got the rest of the family to think about and I'm fine with that. Hell, you think I don't want to make your burden lighter?

By helping out financially?

But how the heck do you expect me to do that when all I get from you is these...stupid lectures about how I'm not trying hard enough?

That apparently I don't think about my future enough.

You can't sleep at night thinking about money.

I can't sleep at night thinking that my parents think that all I've been doing with my life is being this idiotic child that doesn't think about the reality of life.

You don't think I get so worried that sometimes all I want to do is scream and just jump off a building?

I'm scared too, okay?

I don't think I'll ever be good enough to apply anywhere. Not with my shit for brains as you and Daddy have constantly reminded me that I have.

You don't think I've beaten myself up over and over again because of what I got for my final exams?

You don't think that inside all I can think about is that?

That all these smiles and laughter in front of you and my friends are just fake?

Something temporary?

All I can think about is my future and how I don't think I can achieve any of my dreams.

It hurts so bad to see my friends getting better results than me.

It hurts me so so much I can't even explain it that you and Daddy don't seem to trust me or have any faith in me.

If I don't believe in myself, how do you think it makes me feel that even my own parents think that?

HUH?

I don't think Siti and Atuk did this to you, did they?

They sent you to England anyway.

I'm here...Trying to make it on my own without YOUR help.

And all you can is that I'm not trying?

That all I'm doing is wasting my holidays?

Do you even know what I'm like in MRSM?

Do you know how I don't sleep sometimes just to make sure I can pass the freakin' exam?

All I can think about is what a failure I'm probably going to be.

And you know what?

I don't see the point of it anymore.

Thanks Mum.

Thanks for killing what little dream I had inside of me to think that I can actually become successful.

To write love on her arms,
Tash.

I Need to Start to Be Myself... 'Cos I'm Sick of Everybody Else

Today.

I had my Alex Gaskarth moment.

LOLLOLLOLLOL!!!

Anyway, went to Baizura's place. I really wished Divya could make it because.....

*dum dum dum*

*insert fan girl screams here*

Finally.

We watched it.

Divya gave the green light to proceed without her (we all know what a huge Martin Johnson fan she is) and Bai and I watched.

Lol.

I swear to God, we couldn't stop laughing half the time. We were practically rolling around on Baizura's bedroom floor from laughing so much.

Let's just say. If you're a Boys Like Girls fan, you should TOTALLY buy/watch this DVD.

It's safe to say, I went a little crazy after watching the DVD and started taking random pictures.

And then...I started getting more and more creative.

Baizura says that this picture makes me look like I belong in 'the Convenant'.

Anyway....

Lol.

Yes, this is what happens when I get on a Boys Like Girls high. Yoooowwwww....
I feel sort of bad though. LOL.
I think my exact words were, "I feel like I'm having a secret affair. That makes me sound like I'm having sex or something. -.-"

Bai: O_O WHY?
Natasha: It's Alex's birthday. I should be doing something All Time Low-ish.

The look on her face was priceless.

So, tired of taking random pictures either related to Boys Like Girls or All Time Low. Baizura decided to play dress up.

I know Mel is going to kill me if I tell you this because you know how much she doesn't like her emotions shown by Baizura.... She said you're cute.

LOL.

Mel says I look like I'm in the middle of the sea. Don't ask. I have no idea why I chose those colours but I just felt in the mood so stick that into your juice box and suck it. =p

The quote is thanks to the Rocket Summer, 'Cross My Heart' and Mel of course. It was her suggestion.

Mummy picked me up after work.

The ride back home.

Welcome to my life people.

To write love on her arms,
Tash.

Too Much Of You Is Never Enough

HAPPY 22nd BIRTHDAY ALEXANDER WILLIAM GASKANKKARTH...!!!

:D

Hope you have a good one this year. Don't get too wasted on the vodka that Rian went to get. =p
May everything you touch turn into a multi-platinum record in the year to come. (:

To write love on her arms,
Tash.

P/s: Make sure All Time Low is on Warped Tour 2011 so that I can give you that cupcake. LOL.

Take My Hand and Run Away With Me

The car ride to Sash's place. I was bored in the car and I had the sudden urge to pose LALA.

Arrived at Sash's place and the first thing Baizura asked me to do was play that game on Facebook.
Who's got the biggest brain?
Uh.
I declined.

I do not need a computer game to tell me that I'm as dumb as rocks.

Heck, rocks aren't even stupid!

Anyway, Bai wanted to watch the last DVD of Greek but Sash didn't want to. So we ended up watching the McFly R:A Concert DVD.

Which is a good thing since I needed to get my McFly Mojo back. 8D
Ha ha ha.

I've watched the Behind The Scenes part but I haven't watched the actual concert yet.

I'm still wondering who's underwear was that.

Sash, Bai and I were talking about how we'd be like when we eventually get to go to a McFly concert. The four of us. Bai, Mye, Sash and I.

It would be so awesome. (:

Sash has already thought of the idea of bringing perfume or some sort of body spray so that when we hug each other or hug the boys after the show we wouldn't stink from all the sweating that happened in the mosh pit. LOL LOL.

She thinks of everything, doesn't she?

And then Sash continued about how she was going to wear everything fully covered right to her hoodie.

"I don't want to touch people's sweaty bodies!"

I'm sorry dear, but if we're going to be in the mosh pit, I think that reality is inevitable.

Baizura was wondering if we should bring the Malaysian flag. I was like, "YEAH! Or we could make a banner that says, 'McFly we've been waiting 9 years to come to your show!'"

Sash laughed and she said, "Yeah. And when we get tired holding the banner up we can tie it around our waists so that we wouldn't lose each other in the mosh pit."

She's a genius. (:

Bai wants Tom to sign her Converse sneakers. They could be buddies, those two.

I'm still trying to decide what I want Dougie to sign for me. Maybe a wristband. (:

Yeah! I'll go get like a McFly wristband or something before the show at the merch table and get them to sign that. Oh I'm so awesome. LOL!

Bai: "I don't think I'm going to survive in the mosh pit."

Me: "Then there's no way you're going to survive Warped Tour."

*watched how a girl passes out from lack of oxygen in the heat of the mosh pit*

Bai: "We should bring our own oxygen tanks."

Yeah Bai, like they'd allow us. LOL.

We walked to Syed's after we were done with McFly. It was raining so I had my walking in the rain moment. LOL LOL.

We sat at our 'usual place', which was near the fan. Then that was when I realized that our ex-school senior was there. Nicholas Siew!

Ohmygod, he's grown so taaalll...
It's been ages since the last time I saw him. Not that I actually had the balls to go over and say hi or anything. He was sitting with his friend anyway.

It felt sort of weird not having Myra with us. But nevermind, soon Mye. Right?

Teh ais. Ooohhh yeeeahhh.... (:

Baizura was actually Tweet-ing on her phone.

Ha ha ha. My eyeee...!!!

I look like an advert for 'Hide and Seek'.

What la Bai. She said she wasn't that hungry so all she ordered was this.

Yeah, both Sash and Bai's drinks could've sat on my drink and squashed it. =/

I was talking about how all Baizura ordered was that right? Well Sash and I were ravenous. We ordered chicken chop and roti bom. Which explains why there are five plates (not including that plate of chicken) and only three girls.

Trust me, we kept getting odd looks from people passing by our table. And I saw these two waiters at the side of the shop and they were like staring at our table.

I have a feeling they were making a bet if Sash and I could actually finish all of our food.

LOL!

We walked in the dark back to Sash's house. Where Baizura and I then had a fight over what to watch on the TV. Baizura wanted to watch Oprah and I wanted to watch Spongebob.

LOL!
Guess who won? (:

Spongebob Squarepants rocks.

Mummy picked me up after that and we went home.

Not such a bad day after all.

To write love on her arms,
Tash.

I Think I'm Everything You Hate

Alya and I were talking online on WLM and our conversation predictably went to Twilight and how it has become so overrated and generally just abusing Twilight.

And then the conversation suddenly went to this -->

MLIA, you bring friends closer. LOL

Anyway, today I went to Baizura's house in the morning. The actual plan was to sleepover at Sash's place tonight but long story, short. That little ball of energy somehow got herself an eye infection and any plans with her have been postponed until further notice.

*sighs*

Baizura will be leaving for her 'European Invasion' next Friday so that means there probably won't be a 'McFlyette's Reunion' until next year. Considering Myra's busy, busy, BUSY schedule and the fact that Bai is going to leave Friday. Nevermind. Our friendship will never die, right guys?
Right.

So I spent the whole day at Bai's house today. Add Maths tuition was cancelled because Intan (who is technically my cousin, or step-cousin. It's a long story) is stuck in Janda Baik. Not that I'm sad or anything. I mean, its Add Maths. But that means I shall continue procrastinating and ignoring that giant pile of Add Maths homework that MRSM has decided to assign us lucky form 4's.

Can you sense the sarcasm?

Which reminds me I have yet to finish that English Lit homework. And this Business Folio.
Perfect.
MRSM, you have no life.

Anyway, so I spent the day at Bai's. Her mum suddenly asked us to clean out Bai's room. And by cleaning, I mean, throwing out old form 1 - form 3 books, papers and other stuff related to that including old magazines. It was a task that was supposed to take 3 hours (approx) but ended up taking up the whole morning and afternoon. Bai, I love you and everything.
But you have way too much junk!
Don't you ever throw anything out?

Lol.

I don't blame her though. Sometimes, you get too emotionally attached to something (*coughcoughSyauqi'sredplectrumcoughcough*) but sometimes you just have to severe those ties and just bring yourself to throw those things away. Or else you're going to be left with a bunch of random bits of paper that were done in an hour of random boredom during an exam that you didn't even PASS.

Pathetic doesn't even cut it.

We were cleaning the boxes under Bai's study desk when she found this.

Its her old kindergarten certificate. Kinda reminds me like one of those before and after pictures. LOL

No offence, B. But yeah, you haven't changed much despite it being a 'ten years later' thing.

The frame from her bulletin cork board came out and I started playing around with it. (:

I love myself and my utter randomness.

There was a moment when I pretended to be Phoebe's painting from Friends.

Do you remember that episode?

When Mike wanted to move in with Phoebe and he wanted Phoebe to give away that painting because he didn't like it and she gave it to Monica instead?

Yeah, that.

The creepy lady coming out from the picture frame.

Except I'm not bald nor is my face painted white.

On a random note, DIVYA, BAIZURA, when are we going to meet up so that we can the 'Boys Like Girls: Soundtrack of My Summer, Read Between The Lines Tour DVD'?!?

Bai, if somehow, we don't get to watch before you go on your trip can I please, please, please burrow it?

Lol

I can imagine your expression while you're reading this.

I'm supposed to be writing the drama script for next year's Drama Festival for next year's batch of form 4's. I kinda have a couple of ideas that I threw around with Baizura. I shall be writing based on the song, 'Hello Brooklyn' by All Time Low.

But I shall surf the net for a couple of pointers on how to write a script.

So far the story is a bit of Greek, Skins, Britannia High and Goodbye Boys all rolled up in one giant Californian roll.

Pretty cool, if I say so myself.

On another random note, I love reading Kyle Burns, Jonathan Cook, and Travis Clarke's Twitter updates.
Hilarious.

If this was Facebook, I would have a 'like' button right now.

*cue abrupt ending*

To write love on her arms,
Tash.

Little Lovers

I find this hilarious. Seriously.

To write love on her arms,
Tash.

Awkwardly Abrupt

I'm listening to Biffy Clyro, 'Living Is A Problem Because Everything Dies' and the opening is wicked.
Very opera-esque.

Anyway, I finally gotten the inspiration to update this dying, dying blog. So I was going through all those old photo albums that you keep stored in some abandoned box at the corner of your store room. I think I nearly cried.

Seeing those memories from my past, spending time with Shira who has known me since like, EVER. I think about how fast time flies and how things hardly stays the same. No matter how much we wish the friendship to stay.
*sighs*
Shira is currently studying in New Zealand, lucky her.
And our guy counterparts...
I have no idea what happened to them.
Last I heard, Elyas was in Sri KDU with Azalea. Aqil and Zariff moved to America but I heard they were supposed to be coming back. Raven and Robin...
I have no idea.

But yeah, that was me travelling down memory lane.
I'm looking for the perfect leather wallet big enough to fit an iPhone and other tiny random things (i.e. small tub of passion fruit lip butter that smells so yummy, compact mirror and knowing me a guitar plectrum).
I saw one while me, Myra and Syauqi were walking around KLCC yesterday but in a typical Natasha state, I didn't have enough cash to afford it.

I've been reading random music magazines and chic lit/vampire books. Syauqi keeps asking me what's the big deal about vampires and I pointed out that I've always been into vampires way before the whole Twilight deal with the screaming pre-teens dressed in their team T-shirts.

In another random mention, Owen Strathern is so incredibly fit. Gorgeous blue eyes with the dark floppy hair. Definitely my kind of guy.
And he plays the guitar. A definite plus.

I've been acting like a total geek too and been visiting Mugglenet.com again. It's been a while since I've indulged in my Harry Potter fandom. I don't take sides btw, so don't start asking, "Twilight versus Harry Potter" questions to me.
I would like to point out a fact that Twilight gets all of Harry Potter's hand-me-downs.
*coughCEDRICDIGGORYcough*
Nothing Personal. (:

I was watching E! 'Forbes List: 20 under 25 Young, Rich and Famous' and it isn't surprising that Daniel Radcliffe managed to get a spot on it. Then Mummy suddenly went, "Oh my God! I just realized that Edward Cullen is Cedric Diggory from Harry Potter!"

Yes Mum, Cedric didn't actually die, he was sent to the States as a part of a witness protection program and is currently undercover as a vampire named, 'Edward Cullen'. He's really convincing.
Harry is going too. He'll be undercover as a big beefy werewolf who runs around with a bunch of topless guys who goes cliff diving for the sheer adrenaline rush. Oh no wait, that's just Jacob Black.

Have you ever wondered if Sirius Black and Jacob Black were related? That would be pretty damn funny because then Harry would be related to a hot smouldering teenager with enough emotional baggage to steal the spotlight from Harry.
Wizard versus werewolf.
I think this debate already has a website of it's own?

Anyway, I'm supposed to be spending the night at Sash's tomorrow with Baizura. No doubt, we'll find a way to get into trouble.
I feel like Jonathan Cook and his sidekick, Kyle Burns.
They don't look for trouble, trouble just finds them.
Okay, you can go and spam my Cbox now and complain about how utterly cliched that line was.

To write love on her arms,
Tash.